A Little Bit Of This, A Little Bit of That, and What Mary Needs

Thank you to everyone for your well wishes and warm thoughts regarding Dennis and his oncology appointment yesterday at the hospital.

As it happened, we had to reschedule the appointment at the last minute, so now we have to wait again. I called the hospital to let them know Dennis had a bad cold and cough with a fever, because I had a feeling they wouldn't want us coming in with him sick like that. He could make some of the sick kiddies even more ill. And I was right. So, instead of going in, he stayed home, horked, wiped his nose on his sleeve, and coloured pictures from the National Geographic website of apes and hippos and walruses, which he claimed looked a lot like me.

Thank you again for your kindness. It means a lot to me.

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Tina at Mummy Diaries sent this funny Google meme to me that's going around the blogosphere, so I really had no choice but to do my part. What kind of a blogger would I be otherwise?

The way it works is you type your name in Google and then the word "needs", i.e, "(your name) needs" and see what comes up!


Here is what came up for me:

Mary needs the Lamb in School -- I already own a lamb. His name is Gryphon, he is a standard poodle, and at times he bleats. A lamb would have actually been great at school because then at least I would have had one friend.



Mary needs more exercise -- Thank you for that bit of advice, Google. I need to find my shoes first.

Mary needs shadows -- And I think here we're talking "5 o'clock shadow" because I have Polish blood coursing through my veins, and my hormones are all out of whack, so I'm growing a nice beard and 'stache. Yes, and my breasts are really that size and that perky.

Mary needs sleep on Flickr -- I don't know how they know this, but I am always exhausted. Pretty cool that Flickr is psychic like that.


And the best ones:

Sexy Mary needs attention on her feet -- And on her knees, and on her thighs, and.....I would actually like to specifically point out the word 'Sexy' at the beginning of this point. Thank you.

Mary needs to get out and about more -- This is so very, very true. I have no life whatsoever. My idea of a fun time is popping me some Orville Redenbacher, getting out the toenail clippers, and having at it.


Mary needs to be slapped for this -- You'll have to ask Mr. Handsome about this. I'm not allowed to discuss it. Let me just say it involves furry handcuffs. And a whip. And chains.

Thanks, Tina! That was fun! Check out Tina's blog and send some love her way!

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Has anyone ever wondered about past lives? I think the whole topic is very interesting and intriguing. I've read a few books on it because I find it so interesting, and I went through a phase after my dad passed away where I focused on it a lot because I really wanted to believe he was still around somewhere, and I needed to know.

For instance, in his last life, I am positive Mr. Handsome was Scrooge in the Charles Dickens story. I'm just saying.

I, on the other hand, was a Mexican prostitute. Yes, that's right. Why, you ask? Why not? I say.

I came up with this glimpse into my last life in a roundabout kind of way. I wondered and wondered why I had such a love for Mexico. The first time I stepped off the plane onto the tarmac, I was in love. The warm air, the ocean, the music, the food. I could live there and never return, that's how much I love that place. I feel like I know it, deep in the pit of my little heart. It feels like part of me, like it is actually my real home. But then again, I often feel that way when we go into the neighbourhood KFC too.

Then, one day I started thinking that it was kind of strange that I had all these back problems. I had bad scoliosis as a child, which resulted in major back surgery at the age of 13, with Harrington rods in my spine and bone transplanted from my hip to my spine. I was actually one of the first people to have this surgery in Canada, along with a prince from Egypt or India or somewhere really foreign like that (no, I am not making this up). Since that surgery, I've continued to have back issues, and will probably need more surgery some day to fuse the remaining bottom portion of my spine.

No one else in my family had any back problems to speak of, which made me very curious, not to mention extremely bitter, which I will take with me to my grave, along with everyone in my godforsaken life. That's right. My middle name is "bitter". Bite me.

So, one day long ago I'm talking to my older brother about past lives, which we often discussed because my older brother always talked about things like his strong desire to be a Catholic priest, past lives, reincarnation, Spock, Prime Minister Pierre Trudeau, and Hitler. Actually, my older brother still talks about those things, except now he's 30 years older and I think it's time he moves on.

As we were talking, however, he mentioned that he wondered what he was in his last life, and I said I knew what I was. The Mexico part is easy. And the prostitute complement to that? Well, prostitutes spend an awful lot of time on their backs. I'm just assuming this, of course, because I don't know the first thing about prostitution, except what I see when I'm standing on a dark corner downtown waiting for a ride. But, do you see from where I get the whole prostitute theme? Yeah, I know. Pretty clear, isn't it.

A Mexican prostitute! What else could I have been? I am sure you would have come up with that same past life idea had you had the same experience as I. No doubt in my mind. And what's more, I bet you wish you could have been a Mexican prostitute. Just imagine the fun in the sun you could have!



Comments

Oh dear, I'm sorry you have to wait longer, but as you say, it's probably for the best. I loved your Mary Needs - very, very funny!
As for past lives, I'm sure I once lived in a large villa in Tuscany - a Medici villa...
♥georgie♥ said…
Oh Mary i hope Dennis gets better soon and that his appt goes well...i will keep praying...

Those so n so needs never work for me...I am so not kidding google georgie needs it is soooooooo boring yours was GREAT!!!!

I am so intriqued by the whole past life thing
and lastly LMAO@the pics he colored looking like you...that is toooo cute
Sandi said…
Thanks for the update on Dennis.

The meme on Google is hilarious. Mine says I need a girlfriend. There are plenty of days I agree!

Mexican Prostitute? Girl, you are a riot!
kel said…
past lives fascinate me!! I sometimes wonder if I was a victorian lady? I dream about it all the time....

great post! hope the appointment goes well!!
amelia said…
HAHAHAHAHA - "They spend plenty of time on their backs." Good conclusion.

Good luck to Dennis - I hope the appointment turns out good results!
A. K. said…
Where did you get that pic... HAppy weekend
nikkicrumpet said…
The "Mary needs..." stuff...well done and great for a laugh...but the whole past lives thing had me totally cracking up. I love the way your mind works!!

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