I'll Save You!

So, I was contacted yesterday about getting chosen to be one of only approximately 4,013 applicants for a job that I kind of covet, kind of not. As far as I'm concerned, I've bagged it.

This is just the first step in a long process to get said job as an emergency dispatcher. You can stop laughing now. Thank you.

In order to narrow down their choices for eventual interviews, you must first go through three energy-draining, stress-inducing, armpit-chafing tests.

The first test: the typing test. You must be able to type at least 35 words a minute. I can type approximately 82 words per minute, give or take a word. So, obviously, I've got that cat in the bag before you can say "Jack Sprat". How's that for mixing similes?

The second test: the language test. Being an Ontarian who lives close to the Quebec border, where they speak a lot of very bad French, one must be able to speak both "official" languages, those being English and French, or as the Quebecois demand, le Francais and English. I am very afraid of the language test. Apparently, it's done over the phone by some company that conducts -- yes, language tests. I am guessing they have a conversation with you to see how much you can understand and say without looking like a complete and utter fool. I went through French Immersion for eight years, from Grade 7 to Grade 13, so as far as I'm concerned, I should be bilingual enough. Oops, that's only seven years. Guess I wouldn't pass a math test if that was part of this process! heh heh

Anyway, I haven't used a lot of my French in the past, say, 25 years, so let's just say it's a little brittle, a little rough around the edges. Let's put it this way: I sound like a twit. "Je ner said pas comment dire ca." Roughly translated: "I don't know how to say that." So, we shall see...I'll let you know.

The third test is a computer test, to determine how good you are at screwing up multi-tasking on the computer. It apparently takes 1.5 hours to complete. What in heaven's name could they give you to do that would take that much time to complete? Please enlighten me, world. In that time, I could wash all the dishes in the house, do 5 loads of laundry, iron all Mr. Handsome's shirts, take Gryphon for an hour-long walk, and give birth to twins.

All this before the actual interview.

And all this for what?

For this:

and this:


and this:

oh, and this:

Please pray for me.