Just Another Day

So, today's the day. "Dennis" is scheduled for his annual cancer check-up. We go this afternoon.

I feel okay about it, really. Better than I did last week when I thought about it, after little Tuesday's passing. I still have some butterflies in my stomach, and I know I always will, everytime this time of year comes around.

I won't show Dennis my fear, the tornado roiling around inside of me, as we enter what used to be our second home and is now just a place we come to every month or two, but would much rather not.

Instead, I'll hold Dennis' hand as he gets his blood drawn, and as the doctor pokes and prods his belly and his glands and asks him lots of personal questions that a 10-year-old boy really would rather not answer.

And I will try not to stare when I see little children on various beds, with their baby bird bald heads and big, scared eyes, and their parents sitting there, the look of abject fear on their faces.

I will try to forget that that was once us, and hope Dennis doesn't ask too many questions about his cancer and whether he's going to be okay, because I can't even think about his fear without feeling sick to my stomach. A 10-year-old should not know about death, should not know about the fear of getting sick and never getting better.

I hate going to the hospital for these check-ups, but I'd much rather be going with a healthy child than with one who is coming in for his regular admittance and weeklong chemo treatment. And that's how I have to look at it, and remind myself that Dennis is healthy, and he's fine, and this day is just a little blip in his otherwise normal-again life.

And then I'll say a little prayer as we walk into the hospital, and hope today remains just another day.


We'll be thinking about you today! Dennis looks like such a funny and HEALTHY little boy! I love the muscle picture of him~
I know what you mean about the butterflies....mine are usually mammoth sized when we walk into the cancer center....the fear never goes away!
I can hardly wait for your post about how everything was perfectly normal! Take care (and deep breaths)
♥ Lilly
dizzblnd said…
my prayers will be with you. I am sure everything will be just fine :) Positive thoughts!
Deb said…
Hi! Thanks for stopping by my blog!

Yous son...he's such a handsome young man. I can't imagine how scared you must feel this time every year...I'm sure he'll be fine and you will be able to rest a bit easier once this is over.

Thanks for sharing this story with everyone.
Just A Chic... said…
Now I know why God brought me to your blog a few days ago! ;-)

Take a deep breath and try not to worry. It's all in His hands.

I'm going to go write a blog for you now. When you get a chance later, stop by and read it.
Michelle said…
Sounds like you have a tough little boy. That's great that he's healthy again. He's a fighter. You've in my thoughts and prayers. Take care and thanks for stopping by my place.
Janet said…
My husband just had his annual PET scan and it was clean. I know what you mean about holding your breath until you get the final report.
Sending good luck to the lad
♥georgie♥ said…
Precious pics! will be keeping you all in my thoughts and paryers...
Sandi said…
I am praying for you today! I know these feelings well. BIG HUG to you! Please update tomorrow, or as soon as you know.
Anonymous said…
Good luck today!
Lana said…
Hee hee. Love the pic of the two of you. :)
Today you get to take your healthy little boy to the doctor. I hope each year becomes a little easier for you. :)
Anonymous said…
You and your son will be in my thoughts today.
Jade said…
You and Dennis are in my thoughts and prayers! I can not imagine what you both have had to go through (and the other people that love Dennis) I admire your strength.
That is the thing about snooping around these blogs, you never know what you are going to read and how that might give you insight for the day! I am grateful I have stumbled upon yours.It was a blessing in itself for me.Thanks
Jeankfl said…
You all are in my prayers! You have a beautiful son, who is healthy in every way! Most kids that were ill as children grow up to be very kind adults. Hopefully Dennis will, too. Keep your chin up, kiddo.
Bee said…
My thoughts are with you and your family.
Kristen Andrews said…
oh Mary I thinking about you, he is a ham!

p.s. the word verification is fartatt, who creates these it has to be a human!
RiverPoet said…
My prayers are with Dennis and with your entire family. I just know he'll be alright....D
kailani said…
He looks like a strong kid (wink). I'm sure he'll do fine. Sending positive thoughts your way.
Soxy Deb said…
I'm a day (or 3) short, but I hope everything went well at the doctors today.
I'm gonna go check for an update now.

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