Holy Mackerel

I ventured out into our backyard the other day to innocently take some pictures, and almost got swallowed up by the weeds and thousands of baby trees wending their way to the skies. For a moment, I forgot where I was, and was sure I had been kidnapped and dropped off in the jungles of South America by some drug lords who needed a middle-aged senora to fetch their taquitos and water for them. After finally climbing out of the Zone of Death, I made my way back inside and told Mr. Handsome I knew what our summer project was: to make our backyard habitable again, and I don't mean for mice and other small mammals. Now, for us, a "project" usually means things like what one might be planning to make for dinner, or tackling the laundry, or maybe something as huge as clipping our toenails. All this to say that we don't "do projects" here. We're not that kind of family. But I think a summer project would be a good idea, especially when it comes to our backyard. ...

Okay, so yesterday it was all about my friend Slut and her flaky brows. Today it's about me again. I'm having computer issues, guys. Really bad ones. Not quite like when there was some creepy guy sitting in the bushes somewhere in Tanzania and playing around with my computer insides. No, this is more of a physically technical, hardware nature. Basically, the power cord on my laptop is close to kaput, and I only have 26 minutes left before my battery runs out, and then what will I do? This is the second power cord for this laptop. And I don't know about you, but I for one am really sick and tired of things breaking down all around me. First it was the dishwasher, then the front door lock, then the dryer, and now the laptop cord. It's like our house is haunted. Maybe I need to do an exorcism? My brother Gee (or as he'd rather be called, Adonis or Zeus), should probably have a say in this, because he's all into these hoaky, spooky, non-terrestrial type issues. Wh...

It all began with the dishwasher. It was brand new. We replaced it soon after moving into our home 10 1/2 years ago. And, yes, we used it a lot. We had two little children at the time, and I was running a daycare out of my home as well. I probably did three loads of dishes a day. But, please tell me, why would a brand new dishwasher start rusting? That's right. There is no reason. None. Because let me tell you, dishwashers built in the 1950s, nay! even the 1970s, did not rust. Ever. There would come a time when you'd have to physically put the machine to its death because it would refuse to die on its own. Such is not the case with newer appliances, it seems. Nowadays, appliances are made to look good. Period. Otherwise, they suck the big wadong . And did I just say "look good"? I take that back, because they don't look good. Not at all. They only look good until you unpack them and start using them. Then, you wake up one morning, and they look like crap. Let...