Holy Mackerel

Oh. Hello there. Why, yes, I'm still alive. Thank you for asking. At least, I think I am. Just a second. Yup. I'm alive. But just barely. Lots has happened since I last wrote on Dec. 16, which is almost two Oh weeks ago, which is a lifetime in the world of the blog. And when I last wrote (on Dec. 16), I was getting all ready for a nice big Christmas holiday, which I so badly needed. Firstly, I should have known I was totally jinxing myself by writing that. And secondly, I got what I asked for, and then some. Boy, did I ever. And, before I go on, can I say that I've missed you, and hope you still remember me??? So, when I last wrote, I had one more exam to do, which was my lab exam. As well, I had one lift to accomplish before I could heave a heavy sigh and forget about body parts for at least a week. Well, as luck may have it (and by luck I mean the kind of luck that makes you want to twist your underwear in a knot and stuff them into your throat, because that wou...

So, I guess I had some people worried with my last post. Sorry. I guess I'm depressed. BUT ... I'm feeling a tad better today, so today's post, albeit late, will be a happy, hilariously and joyously fun post that will have your ribs sore from all the laughter that will no doubt emanate from your gut. Oh yes. The only problem is, I have Dee home with me today and he doesn't.stop.talking, which I really don't mind, and actually quite love, except when I'M TRYING TO WRITE A F**KING BLOG POST. Ahem . Sorry about that. Obviously, I am still harboring a little anger and resentment. Or whatever. Okay, Dee's upstairs taking apart Mr. Handsome's computer, so I'm good to go. Why is Dee home, you ask? Well, it goes something like this. Back in January, Dee brought home one of his millions of little pieces of paper from school for me to look at. Before I go any further, I'll be the first to admit that I'm not the best at keeping track of important p...

The problem with being me is ... just that: the state of "me-ness". It's almost unbearable at the best of times. I've been laying a bit low the past few days because -- HOT NEWS FLASH!! -- I've not been feeling well. Like that never happens, you're saying to yourself. Don't deny it. I can hear you. My arthritis has been raising its ugly head again over the past few weeks, and decided to make itself fully known on Monday. My hands are once again swollen and painful, my hips hurt with every step I take, and my sacroiliac joints and back are screaming, "DON'T MOVE IF YOU WANT TO STAY ALIVE!". Speaking of which, I've been questioning that last statement lately. My physical state has, unfortunately, had an effect on my mental state, leaving me depleted of energy and desire, just wanting to sleepsleepsleep the days away. I haven't been a very good mother lately, or a good wife, or friend. My temper is short, my good moods fleeting at b...

It's hard to keep a blog going. God help me. I only do three posts a week, for god's sake. You'd think I'd be able to at least manage that. But nooooo, I can't. That's probably because I'm still on the toilet 20 times a day . But, at the time of this writing, my explosive diarrheaic episodes seem to be waning. For the past two days, I'm down to about five explosions per day, which is a miracle of sorts, I'd have to say. Now, if I could only get the 15 nightly implosions that continue to barrage my insides as I try to sleep, I'd be one happy camper. I'm not sure why I feel so stressed lately, but I know I am, because my fingertips are bloody. Apparently, I've adopted this relatively new habit of gnawing on them until all the skin is gone and all that's left is exposed, raw flesh. It even hurts to type, which, now that I think of it, may be why I've only been posting once a week. I'm wondering if maybe it's because I'm ...

I really don't have much to say today, except a huge thank you to all the generous and kind comments regarding my mother's recent passing. They really mean so very much to me. So, thank you. I've spent the past few days in Toronto with my gorgeous baby nephew, and if that's not the best way to forget about one's troubles, I don't know what is. Today's the visitation for my mother. The funeral and burial take place tomorrow morning. My feelings are all over the place. One minute, I'm so very sad. The next, I'm almost fine. I didn't know how I would react when the inevitable happened, and now it has, and I still seem very confused. I'm so sad, but it's not the same sadness I felt when my dad passed away three years ago. This time, it's a sadness for the loss of what might have been between my mother and I, the concrete disappearance, perhaps, of that one last chance that things might be good again between us. Although the chances of t...

I just found out that one of my earliest blog followers took her own life on Christmas Eve, after sending out a wonderful Christmas message to her friends. I'm just so sad. I have never met Liquid , but just knew she was a person I would have liked as a face-to-face friend. She was my friend. All the best, Liquid. I hope you are in peace now, and happy.

The kids are home from school for the next two weeks. Two. Weeks. They should be outlawed, school holidays. And kids. When I complain about holidays and kids, one of my best friends reminds me, with a smirk on his face, "You know, children are self-inflicted." And he takes pride is reminding me of this because he has no children of his own. Milly and Dennis are great kids, don't get me wrong. I love them more than life itself. It's just that, sometimes, they are more than any mortal can handle. And this time, they have me at a weak moment. And they know it. I know they do. I can see them give each other "the look" before they start pushing every button on the Mommy keyboard, ending with the "Make Mommy Scream At The Top Of Her Lungs" button. Which, if pushed again, turns into "Make Mommy Tear Her Hair Out And Ask Herself What On Earth Made Her Want To Ever Procreate" button. I am their captive for the next two weeks, and they are going to...