Extensions Are Dangerous -- Know The Risks

This is a warning to all those who wear hair extensions and are unaware of the embarrassment that is awaiting them ... waiting with bated breath for just the right moment to pounce, like a very furry, vicious and nasty cat.

The following is a true story. It did not happen to me. However, it did happen to someone I know. Someone who shall remain anonymous because the said story is very embarrassing, really. However, I feel it is my duty to my bloggy readers, to the Internet world as a whole, nay, to the entire universe, to let you all know what can happen when you wear one of these.




My friend, let's call her Beth, just remember, it's not her real name, although you could probably guess what her real name is from the name 'Beth'. Just don't try too hard because this is supposed to be anonymous. Remember?

Beth put her hair up one morning in a really messy, haphazard pony tail. She didn't really care what it looked like because the plan was she was going to use one of her many hair extensions to pep it up and give her the look of a movie star for the day, because if Beth is anything, she's a star.

So, she plops one of the suckers in her hair, throws on her parka, and heads out to work. She puts her hood on because it's damn cold out, and dammit, that's what Canadians do in the winter. And we're damn proud of it. Beth does not wear a toque, as many Canadians do, hence, the hood.
On the way, she decides to stop off at the coffee shop, as Canadians also do a lot, especially police officers, because apparently they get free coffee and doughnuts when they go, which I think is very unfair and rather suspect, because in my opinion, I'm just as important to society as the cop on the street. This world, after all, would not be the same without my cute little face romping about. I have even helped little old ladies cross the street a couple of times. So there.

Anyway, Beth decides to go to the coffee shop on her way to work. She drives in, parks the car, and enters the coffee shop and waits in line for her turn to order.

After many minutes of waiting like a sheep in line behind numerous other customers who all desperately need their first injection of coffee, Beth is at the front of the line. And she notices something. She notices that the server behind the counter, who is usually very jovial and polite, is just staring at her, staring and not moving. Her mouth is not smiling, not opening. Her eyes remain glued to Beth.

Beth is not sure what to think about this strange phenomenon. So, instead of getting all insecure and sweaty and start sobbing uncontrollably like I would, she shrugs her shoulder and proceeds to order her coffee...at which point she notices something out of the corner of her eye. Something furry. On her shoulder. So she looks to her right...and she sees this:





Well, not quite that. Beth is much better looking than this homey, and she also has more hair and teeth. However, her shoulder looked a lot like his. And I know for a fact she owns that vest and gold chains.


Yes, that's right. Her hair extension fell out of her hair and landed on her shoulder when she proceeded to take her hood off as she entered the coffee shop. It metamorphosed from being a simple, innocent hair extension to being a vicious pet with claws, sitting atop her shoulder, waiting to pounce on the coffee server like a wild animal. The only way this could have been worse, in my humble opinion, is if the hairpiece had instead become a codpiece, comme ca:

or, reminiscent of someone earthy and very razorless:

Don't say you haven't been warned.