How To Tackle A Poodle

As I've mentioned in the past, our dog, Gryphon, likes to hump people.

This is Gryphon.

Unassuming, wouldn't you say? Some would even say he's teddy bear-like, cuddly even. And ever since we resolved his excess gas issue, sometimes yes, we cuddle with him.

Well, leave him alone with someone he's just met or doesn't know all too well, or someone smaller than he is, and his demeanor changes. Let's just say that he, ummm, he likes to get intimate. Doggy-style.

Lots of dogs do this, I know. It's not at all about sex, if you're wondering. It's all about dominance. As stated in an article I found devoted to dogs and humping, "Like us, domestic dogs relate to us as members of their family. In other words, they think of us as members of their dog pack. If and when a dog humps you or another human being, they are essentially communicating the fact that they think they are dominant to you." As you can see, I have done hours and hours of research on the subject, so I know.

So, the other day, the kids were tackling one another on the living room floor, as kids often do. They were running around, jumping, laughing, and rolling around, despite me screeching at them to go run the ten loads of laundry we had and wash the floors. They would have none of that. Nay. They just kept right on playing. Brats.

Gryphon, being a true kid at heart, wanted to get in on the action. Can you blame him? However, not having opposable thumbs, or even fingers for that matter, he sometimes feels a little left out. So, he often waits for the most opportune moment, and then he goes for it. You've got to give him credit for his wily ways, his determination, his skill and his pure belief that he too is human.

So, when he had the chance, he took it. "Dennis" was on the floor, and Gryphon latched onto him, as only a standard poodle can, and began the mating ritual dominance stance, shall we call it.

Mr. Handsome, who was lying prostrate on the loveseat, would have none of it. He moved faster than I've seen him move since someone told him Canadian Tire was having a sale on wrenches, and tackled Gryphon to the floor in one fell swoop, akin to Jack Krauser in Resident Evil 4.


In case you're wondering, Krauser is the guy on top. Note the look of determination on his face. Disregard the blood stain on his cheek, as well as the knife and beret. Mr. Handsome didn't bleed, and his knife was safely tucked away in his shirt pocket. The beret...Mr. Handsome is much too manly to don one of those suckers.

Mr. Handsome had the shoulder action going and everything as he launched himself across the room and onto Gryphon's back, bringing him down to the floor with the blink of an eye. Gryphon didn't know what hit him. The look on his face said it all.

Do you ever wonder how a dog's face actually changes? They actually change their facial features to express different moods and emotions. Some days, I just watch Gryphon's face change from happy to sad to hungry to happy to sad to hungry... and then I wipe the drool from the corner of my mouth and off the couch cushions.

If there's one thing I learned from this, it's that Mr. Handsome can really move when he wants to.


Comments

Very sweet looking canine
Dorsey said…
That is BRILLIANT!!! My MIL had a dog that would often get busy with a stuffed squirrel. It made for many strange looks and quick distractions of children when they were younger. hehe
Bobby's Dream said…
Isn't it funny how grown men never fail to amuse us with their heroic acts? I can see this whole scene play out in my head and I swear I am going to be giggling for the rest of the day. No wonder my boss thinks I am psychotic.

P.S. My word for verification is NATER, I think I will work that into at least three different conversations today, just because I can. hehe!
Jane! said…
I guess this explains why my timid dog humps no one. Thanks for the lesson.
Um, did Mr. H ever play in the NFL?
ChurchPunkMom said…
Ha! awesome. And what a cute doggie. ;)
kwr221 said…
Gryphon is adorable!

Can you blame him though? Really, what else does he have to live for or think about all day? Besides food.

My Word verification: Torabl.

Gryphon's actions were just torabl.
Pearl said…
I have two cats, and neither have attempted to hump me yet.
:-)
Pearl
This is too funny! I am so glad my dog has never humped anything. Well, she IS a girl.
Jenni Jiggety said…
LOL! Mr. Handsome saved his son from a poochy predator!
dani c said…
Pretty dog, but mine is constantly humping things all of the time. At leats I know why now.
Chatabox Girl said…
Hey,

I have just found this. It will direct you to a link that explains why your follower numbers dropped!

http://tins.rklau.com/2009/02/blogger-following-and-friend-connect.html
Mary Moore said…
Thanks for the follower info! I figured it out the other day...extremely stressful. I had to go on bed rest after that happened!
Yaya said…
He's so cute! Humping is a dominance thing.
blueviolet said…
You can't blame him, can you? I'd hightail it out of there too!
Quirkyloon said…
Holy mackerel Mary! That dog better not be dominatin' me! heh heh

BTW I have something for ya at me blog. Go and check it out when you can.

:)
dizzblnd said…
Yep.. I know all about humping dogs... it's quite ummm challenging to sop them once thay get started.. good thing Mr. Handsome moved at super human speed when he did!

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