Showing posts from February, 2009

Just Dropping By

These are some of the best blogs out there...and some of the most devoted Entrecard member bloggers who deserve my thanks for visiting my site the most often in February.

Take a few minutes, and check out the following amazingly witty, cool and "with it" blogs:

1.Lola's Diner
2. Nut in a Nutshell
3. The Way I See It
4. My Life in Italy
5. Kitchen Retro
6. SpicyBugz World7.The Maiden Testimony
8. Healthy Embrace
9. Look It's Megryansmom
10. Peek Tech Blog

Break The Bank or Break Your Penis? I Say Go For Broke

This is a public service announcement to all my male readers. I know there are at least four. It's time for me to give back to you, because that is my motto, "Give back", as you well know, and because if I'm not about giving back, I'm no better than a macaroni and cheese loaf sandwich on white bread.

This is also not the kind of post you should be reading if you are under the age of 18, or find anything at all offensive. Just warning you. This post is about the male genitalia in all its godforsaken glory.

So, male readers, you know that appendage you have that we women do not have, and do not envy, desire, or think about, ever, unless it's completely covered? Yes, I'm talking about the penis.

The penis is a lovely organ. The term "lovely", of course, is being used very loosely in this case.

I will, however, admit that the flesh wand is indeed an amazing piece of machinery, full of little tricks up its sleeve. Just when you think you've seen it a…

How To Tackle A Poodle

As I've mentioned in the past, our dog, Gryphon, likes to hump people.

This is Gryphon.
Unassuming, wouldn't you say? Some would even say he's teddy bear-like, cuddly even. And ever since we resolved his excess gas issue, sometimes yes, we cuddle with him.

Well, leave him alone with someone he's just met or doesn't know all too well, or someone smaller than he is, and his demeanor changes. Let's just say that he, ummm, he likes to get intimate. Doggy-style.

Lots of dogs do this, I know. It's not at all about sex, if you're wondering. It's all about dominance. As stated in an article I found devoted to dogs and humping, "Like us, domestic dogs relate to us as members of their family. In other words, they think of us as members of their dog pack. If and when a dog humps you or another human being, they are essentially communicating the fact that they think they are dominant to you." As you can see, I have done hours and hours of research on the …

Your Friday Night Partay No. 8!

Enter At Your Own Risk -- HazMat Suit Required

It all began with the dishwasher.

It was brand new. We replaced it soon after moving into our home 10 1/2 years ago. And, yes, we used it a lot. We had two little children at the time, and I was running a daycare out of my home as well. I probably did three loads of dishes a day.

But, please tell me, why would a brand new dishwasher start rusting? That's right. There is no reason. None. Because let me tell you, dishwashers built in the 1950s, nay! even the 1970s, did not rust. Ever. There would come a time when you'd have to physically put the machine to its death because it would refuse to die on its own.

Such is not the case with newer appliances, it seems. Nowadays, appliances are made to look good. Period. Otherwise, they suck the big wadong. And did I just say "look good"? I take that back, because they don't look good. Not at all. They only look good until you unpack them and start using them. Then, you wake up one morning, and they look like crap.

Let's j…

Let Me Repeat -- Wombs Are Not Clown Cars: Oh Nadya

I've avoided talking about Nadya Suleman and her 14 children for obvious reasons. This topic has been talked to death, and back to life again about 14 times, I would estimate. So, I had decided that nope, I would ignore it, pretend it didn't exist, wasn't important in my world, and discuss things that really matter, like whether or not I actually do put tomato soup in my meatloaf, or why Mr. Handsome wears a spelunker headlamp to bed.

But it's gotten the best of me, this Suleman character. I can't stand it anymore. I am breaking under the pressure of it all. And so I must discuss it, as is my duty as your Blogging Goddess. And besides, Dooce is talking about it. So, if the Almighty Dooce must discuss the issue, so must the Blogging Goddess. Such is the law.

Just in case you've been living in a cold cave in the middle of Zanzibar, the woman above is Nadya Suleman. That is, Nadya and her extremely rotund and egg-like, painful-looking belly, about one week before sh…

At A Loss For Words

I am at such a loss for words today, which for those of you who know me, know that is a very rare occurrence indeed.

My heart goes out to one of my best friends who is losing his wife. She is losing her fight, and it's been a long fight. This moment has been in the background of all our minds for a few years now, but it's still a huge shock and a massive feeling of loss and disaster just the same.

I won't go into details about his situation because it's not my place here. I just wanted to say that this friend of mine is one my dearest and oldest friends. And at this moment, I feel so lost, so powerless, so useless. And I wish I could just make it all good again for him. Because if there's one person in this world who deserves that, it's him.

My Unfollowing

Oh my gosh. I am so depressed.

I just lost 8 followers. EIGHT FOLLOWERS! Within the past five minutes. Has anyone else had this happen to them? Or is it just me? Please tell me it's not just me.

What is going on? Please, someone, enlighten me! I don't understand.

What did I say? What did I do? As if I don't already have enough of a low self-esteem.

Was it the photo of me with a tissue stuffed up my left nostril? Because if it was, I apologize profusely. Although I'm just trying to be real, and that's what I really was doing on the weekend. Honest. And if I can't be honest, what is there? Nothing. There is nothing.

So, please, someone, help me out here. I feel so unloved.


You love me! You do love me!

Thank you for all your kind and wise words of support, love, and explanation, helping me to understand the Blogger disaster situation that has come upon us this fine day.

I will now take a deep breath and relax, knowing that people do…

And A Good Time Was Had By All, Including The Left Nostril

There was much rejoicing, and presents, and boy-crazy shenanigans...

...while his mother sat, enthralled by all around her, as the multitude of tissues continued to soak up all the excess mucus from her left nasal passage.

Life of the party. And a good time was had by all. Good night.

The Miracle

Our little baby is turning 11 tomorrow. I can hardly believe it.

It was just yesterday that he was a wee baby...

It was not that long ago that we found out our little baby had cancer, and that our lives would never be the same.

It was hard to imagine at that time that he would be going to kindergarten...And now our baby is going to be 11 years old.

Happy Birthday, Chicken Lips.

Your Friday Night Partay No. 7!

Obama Doesn't Care That I'm Sick -- How Will He Save The World?

This is a pity post. If you cannot or will not pity me, feel sorry for me, or send me flowers, please do not read this post.

I am so sick I think I'm gonna die. My nose is stuffed up, even extra-strength, double duty Otrivin isn't doing the trick. My head is about to explode,

my eyes are burning somethin' fierce, and all I have energy for is typing this sentence and moaning softly.Help. Me.

I am usually a good sickie, but today? Please. Don't even ask.

All day long at work, I sat there filing very important files, meanwhile making sure my left nostril did not drip snot all over the very important papers I was filing. I also sneezed a lot, but always into my sleeve, because that is the proper and sanitary thing to do. I must have used up the equivalent of three boxes of Kleenex, except they had no Kleenex at this office, so I ended up using really rough and cheap toilet paper and paper towel, which ended up making my usually very cute nose look and feel like this:
Now, I as…

I'll Save You!

So, I was contacted yesterday about getting chosen to be one of only approximately 4,013 applicants for a job that I kind of covet, kind of not. As far as I'm concerned, I've bagged it.

This is just the first step in a long process to get said job as an emergency dispatcher. You can stop laughing now. Thank you.

In order to narrow down their choices for eventual interviews, you must first go through three energy-draining, stress-inducing, armpit-chafing tests.

The first test: the typing test. You must be able to type at least 35 words a minute. I can type approximately 82 words per minute, give or take a word. So, obviously, I've got that cat in the bag before you can say "Jack Sprat". How's that for mixing similes?

The second test: the language test. Being an Ontarian who lives close to the Quebec border, where they speak a lot of very bad French, one must be able to speak both "official" languages, those being English and French, or as the Quebecois d…

Valentine's Day Was Nauseating

So what did we do for Valentine's Day, you ask? Not a helluva lot.

Why not, you ask?

Well, because we are extremely lazy people who would rather sit on our duffs all day long watching the children do battle with one another, and scream things like, "I hate you!" "No, I hate YOU!!".

We are the kind of people who were not able to decide what to do. The fact that "Milly" had waterpolo made the decision-making process that much more difficult and prolonged.

You see, with waterpolo comes the drive to and from waterpolo, as well as the time constraint involved with said waterpolo. What we thought might be fun would be going out for dinner and a movie. However, Mr. Handsome thought that might be boring. As well, he pointed out that it wouldn't work very well, with Milly's waterpolo game and all.

I was feeling really rotten that day too. What else is new, you ask? I ask myself this question every single day. But, enough about me.

I then suggested, rather wa…

I Love Sudokus. Honest! -- Review

I don't think I've ever heard someone say they "love" doing Sudokus -- you know, that number game that is similar to a crossword puzzle, except with numbers. Well, I'm here to announce to you that I love doing Sudokus.

No, I am not lying. I'm not even exaggerating. I find them exhilirating, thought-provoking, sometimes brain-numbing, but always fun. Except, that is, when I find I've put in the wrong number, but I don't quite know where, so I have to erase the entire puzzle and start from scratch. Then I just get very upset and put it away for a few days.

I recently had the opportunity from Mom Fuse to review a very cool game: an electronic Sudoku, by Nikoli. The Nikoli Handheld Sudoku, by Franklin, is small enough to take along on a car trip, when the thought of listening to the kiddies squabbling in the backseat for three hours is more than you can bear. It runs on batteries, which are included.

The Sudoku Handheld fits nicely into the palm of your hand…

Family Day At The Movies

It was Family Day in Ontario yesterday (President's Day in the U.S.). This is only the second year Ontario has celebrated Family Day. Before that, we had no holidays in February, which meant the month was full of doom, gloom, dirty snow, despair and a huge loss of libido. Just ask Mr. Handsome. February has never been an easy month.

That is, until the pronouncement of Family Day by ye gods in provincial government. Now we look forward to the second month of the year because it means an extra day off, except for federal government employees. They don't fall under provincial jurisdiction, so they have to work while the rest of us loll about in our pajamas all day long, drinking margaritas and watching The Duggarspreach to their have more and their children.

Mr. Handsome works for the federal government, so he doesn't normally get the day off. Last year, he worked while the children and I made snow cones, went to museums and then napped. So, this year, he wisely decided to take…

Got LPs? Eight-Tracks? Then You Need This -- Review

You know, when the Powers That Be decided we no longer needed LPs, I decided to become a hermit.

Of course, I didn't become a hermit, because that would entail moving to an isolated cave somewhere in a wheatfield, and having to kill my own buffalo and sheep, and till my own soil, and I might break a nail or, worse yet, break out into a sweat. Not only that, but it would also mean not being able to visit Starbucks or watch endless episodes of True Beauty because I'd have no cable, let alone an electrical outlet, so that just wasn't going to happen.

So, when I got this little package of goodness in the mail, thanks to Mom Fuse, I jumped for joy. No longer was I going to have to be sad that all my favourite music, most on LPs, would never be listened to again. No longer would I be a total slave to the music gods who deemed LPs the devil, while they introduced CDs, MP3s and all other things digital, leaving the analog to die a quick and sudden death of shame. Never again would I…