This weekend's squirrel was not just any squirrel, however. This squirrel was vicious. It was rude. It was loud and obnoxious. And it looked like this:
This squirrel had a plan. I know it did, because it snuck in sometime during the night, and we all know squirrels are not nocturnal, so there's proof right there. Not only that, but we have no idea how the damn varmint got into our house. The first squirrel many years ago got in through the fireplace. It actually shoved the grate out of the way. It probably had steroids running through its system as well, but I can't show you a picture of it because we were in Florida, eating turkey legs and pretending to have fun.
Anyway, this squirrel, this squirrel entered the safety of our home under the cloak of darkness, stealthily making its way past sleeping boys on the living room floor, who were having a rather non-descript sleepover until that point. It looked a lot like Mannix.
It then somehow scooted around our house, surreptitiously scoping the place out, until Gryphon, our angry guard dog, took notice of it. Then all hell broke loose.
Gryphon The Angry Guard Dog started to whine his terrible, nasal, and very scary whine. And he was locked up in his crate for the night because there was a sleepover happening, and if he were not locked up in his crate, he would have spent the night humping the boys. Seriously. That's what he does. Don't worry. It's not a weird sex thing we have going on here. It's a dominance issue.
So, because Gryphon The Angry Guard Dog could not race around after the Steroidal Squirrel and give it a run for its proverbial money, he whined pathetically and made much noise in his crate, thereby eventually waking up "Dennis". And, when Gryphon whines, you'd better take note. Because if Gryphon is anything, he's a force to be reckoned with when he's upset.
...and when that wasn't doing the trick, he pulled out the bagpipes, which is sure to get even the most sedate dog's knickers all up in a tight knot: