Dennis Rodman Needs Help, And I Need Jesse James


I never thought I'd see the day when I'd cry tears as I watched an episode of The Celebrity Apprentice. I mean, who does that? I've cried over Donald Trump's freaking hair, but that's another story.


I cry, that's who. I'm here to tell you that I cried last night. No, I'm not pregnant and, therefore, extremely hormonal and hence, overly emotional. However, I may be PMSing for the fourth time this month, so that may explain some of it.

This is the real deal, people. I cried real tears of sadness.

This was mostly the result of watching the latest episode of The Apprentice, where Dennis Rodman was planted as project manager, and we watched as he went into his downward spiral, which he has done before a couple of episodes ago, but this time, you saw in more detail the reason behind it.

He's an alcoholic, and he's a sad man, and he needs help.

And it makes me so sad, because here is this man who has the whole world in his hands, and could do anything he wants, and yet, he ruins it all through his addiction to alcohol. And it's totally out of his control.

What may be the saddest part of all this is that he is so far from ready to admit that he even has a problem. And that reminded me of my mother and my younger brother. Not alcoholics, but so far from admitting that they both had/have major mental health problems, and it's so sad to watch as they fight a battle that only they believe they have to fight. And I guess, it's really just a very personal fight, an internal fight, a self-hatred. And I don't think there's anything in this world sadder than that.

I saw it in my mother and in my brother, and I saw it in myself many years ago. Not the mental illness, but the loneliness, the aloneness, the self-hatred, the longing to just be liked, to like oneself even just a little bit. And I recognized the internal, silent screaming. That was me.

It brought back a lot of emotion about my childhood, about my struggle to be someone, to feel like I was okay and deserved to be loved, to love myself. Our whole family struggled with these issues, and we will until the day we die.

And I saw it last night in Rodman.

Watching Rodman deny that he had a problem, and watching him desperately have another, and yet another drink to soothe his pain, was almost too hard to watch. I hope he finds his way.

And when they were all sitting in the Room of Judgment, in front of Donald Trump, at one point Rodman verbally attacks Jesse James, after Jesse states that it's clear Rodman has a drinking problem. Rodman reacts by defensively pointing the finger at Jesse, and states he should talk because he too had a drinking problem at one point (apparently Jesse had a bit of an addiction issue about nine years ago).

Then they show James' face, and I swear to god, he was crying. He didn't shed tears, but he sure looked upset. His little chin was all a-quiver, which makes my heart go pitter patter, and my knickers get all twisted. He was upset that the finger had been pointed back at him so unfairly, but I think he was much more upset that Rodman was so screwed up, and that he was wrecking what could be an amazing life.

And now I'm in love with Jesse James, because although he's not really my type, he sure has a heart of gold. And that just made me cry all the more, because there's nothing better than a man who gives a crap, and who overcomes something so difficult as an addiction, and makes something of himself.



And although he's not my idea of handsome, he's hot. And not a Patrick Dempsey hot, or even a Patrick Swayze hot, or a Mr. Handsome hot. He's just hot. Take my word for it. Even when he wears a button-down flannel shirt with all the buttons buttoned up to his unshaven chin. H.O.T.

I think I've got to stop watching these reality shows. They suck the life outta me.

Comments

dizzblnd said…
My dad is a recovering alcoholic. He has been sober for a good 10 years now. But he was drunk my entire childhood. It is hard to watch someone, anyone destroy their lives. I don't watch any of the reality shows, but I have seen The Apprentice before to know what you mean.


I have always thought Jesse James was hot! There is something about him. Just like Nocholas Cage.. he is not HOT.. but there IS something about him and my husband knows if ever I had a chance in hell of doing him, I would.
Jeanne said…
The things that really get to us are the ones that hit close to home. Glad you've been able to leave the behaviors behind, even if some of the feelings are still there!
♥georgie♥ said…
Mary I have been tryin and tryin to get your page to load FINALLY
;-)

I too saw the apprentice last night and felt the same emotions for rodman AND Jesse...let's hope DR gets the help he needs and I have to say Sandra Bullock is a lucky girl to have such an awesome hubby!
I just can't get past the awfulness of Donald Trump's hair. For that matter Rodman has bad hair as well. I hope once he finds sobriety he will quickly also find a new hair stylist.
pam said…
Thank you for sharing that with us.

And, I agree, so sad for Rodman as he did have the world at his feet for a while.
You're right about Dennis.....
I'm an alcoholic who has been sober for 18 glorius years. He's got to want to do it.....no other way.
And that Jesse James??? Girl, he can rix my bike any day.
I too have shed many tear's over "The Donald's" hair. What the hell is that anyway? It always looks like he fixed it with a salad shooter or something, lol!

Steady On
Reggie Girl
Shana said…
I agree with everything you said about JesseJames!!

Alcohol is awful. I saw stuff that my mom did. I don't drink at all because of it.
Kim said…
I watched this and it made me think about my mother too. I really think that alcoholism is just the tip of the iceberg for Rodman. I think he could be suffering from bipolar disorder. His bizarre behaviour over the years. I think he is self-medicating with the booze. My mother did that for years. She was only properly diagnosed a few years ago. It's a tricky disease.
Steph said…
ARGH! Now I feel like I should be watching Celebrity Apparentice.

ANYWAY.

I'm with you re: Jesse James. I love that cat something fierce.
A. K. said…
Great Post! Totally enjoyed it!
Rachel said…
It is sad, isn't it? I don't watch that show, but I almost wish I had last night. It's upsetting to see people (even those NOT close to you) not recognize where they're going wrong, and that they have the ability to change things for themselves. I do know how that feels.
Angela said…
oh dang...I should have watched it! I've only seen one episode so far ... I forgot to set my PVR. :(
blueviolet said…
I almost wrote about this today because it touched me too. I hope so badly that he pulls himself together. Jesse James is something, isn't he? He has a quiet brilliance about him.

It was an amazing episode.
I am so bummed that I missed this episode. I am sure it was very emotional for everyone around Mr Rodman to watch him spiral down.

As for Mr James....YUM!
bernthis said…
oh God, I don't watch the show anymore but it is so so so sad. I was one of those people too, Mary. Desperate to find my self worth and often looking to other people to tell me I was okay b/c I never believed myself. Thankfully, that has changed quite a bit. I'm still sensitive but I no longer lose an entire night's sleep b/c of something someone said to me that before really would have crushed me b/c I didn't have it in me to tell myself I was okay. what a tragic tale.
nikkicrumpet said…
I guess you never know what kind of show is going to touch you that way. It is sad when you see people with so much to lose...just throw it all away.
Da Old Man said…
That was some episode last night. To see Rodman, and know he has so much and is throwing it away--sad.
Lidian said…
I would have been tearing up too - I've never watched this but you wrote about it so well I feel like I almost did.

And oh yes, The Donald needs to do something about The Hair!
ModernMom said…
Oh now, see I knew I should have watched that show. But the way Donald Trump talks down to EVERYBODY bothers me so much I had to give it up! Maybe Rodman had his Ah HA moment last night?
I feel the same way about Steve-0 on Dancing With the Stars!!! I wrote about it a few days ago myself...


Isn't it strange (or sad) how much is lost at the hands of addiction? Not just by the addict, but by all those whose lives are or could be touched by them... It is such a tragic thing.
Beth said…
I've been watching my sister battle some addiction issues. It isn't easy.

And I think you may be one of the nicest people I know! I love your sensitivity.
Pearl said…
Alcoholism is something I've struggled with -- not as the drinker but as the one involved with the drinker...
I didn't see the episode, but having read about him in the past, I think he's got more going on than just the drinking. Anxiety, depression, he's got a lot going on. I hope he gets help.
Pearl
I don't think they're sucking the life outta you. I think you just made a very compelling case for a man who has a problem--and about people with big hearts.

My aunt is an alcoholic. She carries a 6-pack with her everywhere she goes. I don't know what's sadder: the fact that she's in denial or that her family is and has been for 30 years.
dani c said…
My bio-mom is/was an alcoholic. Unfortunately it got the best of her and her life.
A shame..
Deb said…
see? tv really is educational! : )

isn't it sad when someone can't see in themselves what is so apparent to everyone else???

is tom greene still on or has he gotten the boot?
CurvyGurl ♥ said…
Yep, it was a sad sight. The change in his mood was so drastic. Maybe he will seek help after watching that episode.
Tina said…
lol i know donald's hair is rather something isnt it! why would you have a wig so bad!
I was touched too at how emotional Jesse was.

Rodman sooooo needs help!

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