A Mixed Medley of Melodious Mumblings

It's early Saturday night, and I just sent both kids to bed because I couldn't (and shouldn't have to) listen to their fighting and bickering any longer. And dammit, I need my peace and quiet, now that I'm a working girl. It's also interrupting my digestion.

It's been a hard week, but a good week. I'm really liking my new job, although I haven't really done anything but watch for the most part. This job is challenging, interesting, exciting and worthwhile, and I can't wait until I'm actually doing something. I also can't wait until I get my very own desk! Which, guys, is probably happening next week! Then, I can decorate it with all my little doodads and thingamabobs that will make it ALL MINE! I'm territorial that way, and am also getting tired of hauling my big ass bag around with me all the time, not to mention my Starbucks thermos cup full of hot coffee to keep me awake, and my packet of Mentos. They need a home.

I'm also starting things off wonderfully by taking Monday off. Because, yes, this is the day I've been waiting for for a long, long time. Monday is the day the doctor cleans my insides out with a nice, long, flexible tube, otherwise known as an endoscopy and a colonoscopy. Can you hear the desperation excitement in my voice?

So, in preparation for this grand day of exploration, I have to take something called Pico Salax. It's a powdery substance that you mix into a glass of water and then scarg down. Apparently it isn't pleasant. And then the real fun begins, because Pico Salax is an extremely potent oral laxative. Let's just say the doctor warned me to be sure to be very close to a toilet after ingesting this yummy liquid. Enough said.

You can be sure that if anything amazing happens as a result of said laxative, you'll be the first to know. First, that is, besides my family, who has to live with me and has no choice but to experience this firsthand. And, you can also be sure that, because they are my family, I will ensure they get the full experience, if you know what I mean. Because family has to stick together, through thick and thin. Get it?

I hope I remember not to go grocery shopping or Home Depot after taking a swig of this stuff. My mind is a sieve. And wouldn't that be a nice gift for all the shoppers? Can you say "Clean up in Aisle 5,6,7, and 8!" or maybe "Evacuate! Evacuate!" with sirens going off, big red lights flashing, and the employees running for their lives, although those words were actually being directed at yours truly.

I just hope the Pico Salax (say those words five times fast, and tell me you don't like the sound of them) does the job and is out of my system by Monday night, because really, I am planning on going back to work Tuesday, and the last thing I think they'd want from me is a puddle of you-know-what beside their desks ...

And I'd also just like to say that if I accidentally get pregnant (and I mean accidentally), the baby's name will be Pico Salax.

________________________________


I know some of you have not been able to open my blog this past week. I am so sorry, because I can just imagine the sorrow you must have been going through, not to mention the withdrawal symptoms. My friend Slut has been complaining bitterly, because my blog is the only way she can stay in touch with me, because she and I don't own phones, and even if we did, our index fingers are non-existent. Mr. Handsome, on the other hand, has been quite pleased, although secretly, I know he's really upset, because he also keeps up with me through this blog. Thank god for blogs, is all I can say.

Anyway, all this to say that I think I've fixed the problem. Apparently, something's happened within Blogger itself, and a lot of fellow bloggers have been having this problem. It seems to have something to do with the "Followers" widget that I had in my sidebar. I removed it, and things now seem to be fine. I will replace the widget when the problem is fixed because, in my very and extremely humble opinion, I believe it's so very important to show my followers to the world, because they are the bestest in the west. I also like to scan their faces whenever I'm feeling lonely, which is most days.