A Mixed Medley of Melodious Mumblings

It's early Saturday night, and I just sent both kids to bed because I couldn't (and shouldn't have to) listen to their fighting and bickering any longer. And dammit, I need my peace and quiet, now that I'm a working girl. It's also interrupting my digestion.

It's been a hard week, but a good week. I'm really liking my new job, although I haven't really done anything but watch for the most part. This job is challenging, interesting, exciting and worthwhile, and I can't wait until I'm actually doing something. I also can't wait until I get my very own desk! Which, guys, is probably happening next week! Then, I can decorate it with all my little doodads and thingamabobs that will make it ALL MINE! I'm territorial that way, and am also getting tired of hauling my big ass bag around with me all the time, not to mention my Starbucks thermos cup full of hot coffee to keep me awake, and my packet of Mentos. They need a home.

I'm also starting things off wonderfully by taking Monday off. Because, yes, this is the day I've been waiting for for a long, long time. Monday is the day the doctor cleans my insides out with a nice, long, flexible tube, otherwise known as an endoscopy and a colonoscopy. Can you hear the desperation excitement in my voice?

So, in preparation for this grand day of exploration, I have to take something called Pico Salax. It's a powdery substance that you mix into a glass of water and then scarg down. Apparently it isn't pleasant. And then the real fun begins, because Pico Salax is an extremely potent oral laxative. Let's just say the doctor warned me to be sure to be very close to a toilet after ingesting this yummy liquid. Enough said.

You can be sure that if anything amazing happens as a result of said laxative, you'll be the first to know. First, that is, besides my family, who has to live with me and has no choice but to experience this firsthand. And, you can also be sure that, because they are my family, I will ensure they get the full experience, if you know what I mean. Because family has to stick together, through thick and thin. Get it?

I hope I remember not to go grocery shopping or Home Depot after taking a swig of this stuff. My mind is a sieve. And wouldn't that be a nice gift for all the shoppers? Can you say "Clean up in Aisle 5,6,7, and 8!" or maybe "Evacuate! Evacuate!" with sirens going off, big red lights flashing, and the employees running for their lives, although those words were actually being directed at yours truly.

I just hope the Pico Salax (say those words five times fast, and tell me you don't like the sound of them) does the job and is out of my system by Monday night, because really, I am planning on going back to work Tuesday, and the last thing I think they'd want from me is a puddle of you-know-what beside their desks ...

And I'd also just like to say that if I accidentally get pregnant (and I mean accidentally), the baby's name will be Pico Salax.


I know some of you have not been able to open my blog this past week. I am so sorry, because I can just imagine the sorrow you must have been going through, not to mention the withdrawal symptoms. My friend Slut has been complaining bitterly, because my blog is the only way she can stay in touch with me, because she and I don't own phones, and even if we did, our index fingers are non-existent. Mr. Handsome, on the other hand, has been quite pleased, although secretly, I know he's really upset, because he also keeps up with me through this blog. Thank god for blogs, is all I can say.

Anyway, all this to say that I think I've fixed the problem. Apparently, something's happened within Blogger itself, and a lot of fellow bloggers have been having this problem. It seems to have something to do with the "Followers" widget that I had in my sidebar. I removed it, and things now seem to be fine. I will replace the widget when the problem is fixed because, in my very and extremely humble opinion, I believe it's so very important to show my followers to the world, because they are the bestest in the west. I also like to scan their faces whenever I'm feeling lonely, which is most days.


Lauren said…
Oh Mary you are in for a really nice day of shit....hahahahah! I wouldn't do what you are doing and I hope you will soon demand the blood test for celiac disease instead of this retarded mess they are making you go through. I guess it's a good thing to get those insides checked because of colon cancer but I suspect for the reasons you are searching up there you will come up empty...hahaha get it...I made a pun!

I hope you feel better really soon. Smell ya later. ;p
Sarah Lulu said…
My colleague in the office had the same thing last week and she had to take that horrible stuff. All did go well though ...as I'm sure it will for you.

Claiming a desk and owning it ....is a very important work ritual ...I hope you love doing it.

Sarah Lulu
sherry lee said…
Ah the colonoscopy...a treat indeed. The bevvie is less than appealing and there is SO MUCH of it to chug!! Works a charm (!) and very quickly too I might add. Rest assured that once you have been "evacuated" you'll be good to go after you've been "snaked"...the joys of getting older!!!
I'm glad you got your blogger problem fixed. Here's hoping you get your plumbing problems fixed too!

I like the imaginary baby's name!

Have a wonderful Sunday. Stay close to the toilet!

Pleased your job is going fine.
There have been a few blogs I follow which dosen't show up their new blog, Why I don't know.
Have a quiet Sunday.

Michel said…
I also haven't been able to get into your blog!! Its an OUTRAGE! I ALMOST couldn't get into the comment section..

so now I kinda forgot what I was going to say...but I know it included pico salax.
Gaston Studio said…
LOL, glad you're maintaining your great sense of humor, glad you're loving your job, and glad I didn't have to go to Home Depot with you.
Shana said…
Follower problems, plumbing problems!!! What a week !!
Megryansmom said…
That stuff you will be passing is not a baby, I repeat, it is NOT a baby! Have a...hm wait, you guys don't celebrate Memorial Day in Canada do you? Well have a great Sunday!
Anonymous said…
Well that sounds like fun fun fun!

Your day will be memorable no doubt!
Anonymous said…
there is actually a pill you can take for this instead of the nasty liquid - I had not problem reading your blog - I do so look forward to reading it.
bluntdelivery said…
oh dear. .. good luck with that. i hope they knock you out really good, cus, i mean, how embarrassing.

well, happy memorial day!
pam said…
I will be thinking of your tomorrow! I hope all is going as planned as I type this. I know that you will have had just about enough of it at this point.

I remember one time I was told to give myself an enema...I couldn't! Who can?
Shana said…
The ferris wheel was rather fun. And if I am going up in the thing, I am sure taking pictures!!!!!
Make sure you let me know if you get to Niagara Falls!!
Shana said…
This is the website for my cousin:
He is actually rather good.

Anonymous said…
Hope the procedure goes well.

Yeah, ppl have been telling me they can't open my blog either. Weird.

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