Cool Pride, Warm Memories

We walk into the school, hand in hand, I to the office to do some volunteer work, Dee to his classroom to begin his day.

We pass a scrum of little boys and girls in Grade One, all sitting against the wall, their colourful lunchboxes clanging against the floor as they wait to be told what to do next.

Suddenly, one, two, then all of them, begin saying, "Hi Dee! Hi Dee!" in adorable, lilting, happy voices.
And then, one little voice says, "Dee, you're so cool."

I look over at Dee, who is grinning from ear to ear. I smile, proud of my little boy. And I think, cool? My son? When did this happen? Just yesterday, he was one of these little ones. And now, he is the one they look up to.

"Yeah, I watch them at lunchtime. They really like me," he explains.

They sure do, I think to myself, so proud of him, and yet so sad that he's growing up, becoming himself, and needing me less and less. But his hand still fits perfectly in mine. And always will.


Em is spending this entire week at a mini-enrichment course at Carleton University. She was chosen, along with a few other students at her school, to participate, which makes her parents kind of proud. She's worked hard this year, tries her best to get good marks, and deserves this.

She and I went to the campus Sunday for orientation, and as we tried to find parking in the throngs of traffic, Em seemed anxious.

"But, do you know where you're going? Will we make it in time? Are we lost? Do you know where we go? We're late, Mommy."

The unknown affects Em deeply. She needs to know. Everything. Schedules and routines are very important to this child-cum-young woman. And when she is thrown into the unknown, her insecurities come out full force, and she is unable to keep it under control.

She becomes a child again. She takes my hand in hers because it helps ground her.

Once we were safely ensconced in the classroom, Em relaxed a bit, and I saw the tiny, frightened child in her get buried once again behind the feeble cover of security and maturity. Whereas a few moments earlier, I was her rock, her security, I was again just her mom, the person who embarrasses her an awful lot and gets on her nerves these days.

Later that night, she seemed anxious again, trying to remember her way around the maze of the campus, and not being able to, she came to me for support and confirmation that all would be fine.

My little girl, trying so hard to be grown up, and finding out it's not really all that simple and easy. No matter how much I bother her, and how often she rolls her eyes at me, she'll always be my little girl, my first child, and I will always be her rock. And that, to me, means the world.


Soxy Deb said…
Oh Mary, you brought more than ONE tear to my eyes this morning.
You have to sweet kids and your a great mom. They adore you as you do them.

Hard as it may be, and will be, try to remember these days, or at least this post, when the going gets rough.

Have a great day!
♥Trina♥ said…
You have such great kids, and you are such a great mom! I know you are filled with such pride at the people they are becoming. Just remember that they wouldn't be the people they are and will be had you and Mr. Handsome not been the parents you are. :)

Have a GREAT day, you wonderful person you!
they are so cute!
Em looks like you...
What neat kids you have~
darsden said…
Mary wondeful tearful post. I am sure the time has frlown by for you. Awesome they still reach for your hand and always will.
erin said…
Beautiful. I know that I will have lots of memories like this someday when all of my babies are older, but I just don't want them to age at all. I can't imagine not having a little baby anymore!
Aw, you made me tear up.
Anonymous said…
Wonderful post. Brought back so many great memories of my parenting years. And you passed a "scrum" of kids? Cool word - I'd never used that one before but it's so descriptive. Gotta run - I'm off to my manuscript (wink)
Miss Thystle said…
That's fantastic, you're very right to be proud of them both.
Michel said…
you should be proud!!

however, what is up with the teary blogs today?!?!
Loukia said…
Hey! Are you an Ottawa mom, too? I graduated from Carleton U. How special for your daughter! Aww..
mo.stoneskin said…
Nawww. I know my bubba will be at university in no time at all, 18 years will fly by.
Awww... two for two on the successful kid scale! No fair!
Pamela Kramer said…
Hats off to you! What's your secret?
Gaston Studio said…
Big tears here, but in a good way. What a terrific mom you are lady; be proud of yourself and I know you're proud of your kids.
~*Jobthingy*~ said…
they grow up so fast dont they
Kelly said…
As much as I can't wait for my kids to grow up and be independent it's going to be sad knowing that they won't need me as much. You must be very proud of your kids. As someone who just finished university, tell your daughter that it's not that hard or scary.
Missy said…
This was a great post! How proud you must be! I agree with Deb, this was a tearjerker!
Lisa said…
What a lovely post! Your kids are beautiful.

Our oldest turns 18 today. I cannot believe it.

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