Keyword Searches Are Sometimes Really Weird And Dirty

I thought it might be hilariously joyous fun to fill everyone in on the types of searches people have been doing when they end up on this site. I don't quite understand a lot of it, but who am to question the gods of the Internet? No one, that's who.

Here we go:

  1. mackerel: Pretty obvious, although this site has nothing whatsoever to do with fish, or the sport thereof.

  2. blow spit bubbles: Ah yes, Brian, my first love, who despised me as I tried to win his love with saliva.

  3. canadian tire bruce cockburn: Of course, where else would you find him?
  4. shampoo brands from the early eighties: Someone wants to look like Farrah Fawcett.

  5. ree drummond kids bikes: I have no idea, although I do love Ree and her site Confessions of a Pioneer Woman. Give her a shout out when you've got a sec!

  6. what colour is the grinch: I'm still thinking chartreuse.

  7. nanaimo weather: Not sure what the weather has to do with our little Nanaimo (she's a guinea pig, for god's sake), but whatever floats your boat.

  8. spit bubbles: Why is someone even searching for information on spit bubbles?

  9. aniston butt: Don't we all wish.

  10. shoulder capsular distention: Ouch is my immediate reaction to that search.

  11. nanaimo sluts: Now I'm getting upset. Our guinea pig is NOT a slut!

  12. poop flush: Goes without saying.

  13. nanaimo kung fu: The pig may be athletic and like jumping on top of the wooden house in the cage, but come on! She's just a baby. OK, just try and even imagine a guinea pig doing kung fu, like maybe on Gryphon, our standard poodle. I bet you can't stop laughing, or at least chortling a tiny bit.

  14. udder cream for face: I thought I was the only weird one.

  15. the problem with women is men: Again, nothing needs to be said here.

  16. loop-2-loop belts: Couldn't tell you how that keyword got the person to this site. In fact, I don't even know what the hell loop-2-loop belts are! Anyone? Anyone?

  17. where did the term holy mackerel come from: Now, that is a good question. Another good question is why do I say it all the time? And why did I use it to name my blog?

  18. adrienne kress: Does anyone know who this is?

  19. mark medaglia: Or this? Actually, I know who this is. I had a crush on him a few lifetimes ago. We played street tag for five hours straight one day. But why is his name in a search, and how did that search end up at my site? I find this extremely mysterious, and a little disturbing even. I lock all my doors, windows and clavicles now.

  20. pornzapp pregnant: Okay then. You figure that one out, people. I give up.

  21. toxic waste cross stitch: Funny, that's what we call our home much of the time.

  22. does red lobster sell mackerel: Now that is a good question indeedy, because I love Red Lobster, and mackerel could be nummies with some garlic bread, a side salad and a nice pasta.
  23. where can i find a nice man in canada: Now there's a question for which I have no answer. Please let me know when you find out. Again, just kidding, dearest husband of mine.

There, that's it for now. There were others, but I thought I'd spare you. You're welcome.


It is good to know that there is a place one can go to satisfy one's 1980s shampoo obsessions
A. Kichu said…
Looks like you have spend a fair amount of time researching on Keywords... Happy Tuesday!
Oh Mary, you hit the nail right n the head... I get some really freaky ones myself...makes me question the content of my writing!!

Meredith said…
Loop-2-loop belts are for kids to adjust sizes.
There were a lot of giveaways going on for these on mom blogs a while back.
Soxy Deb said…
where did the term holy mackerel come from: Now, that is a good question. Another good question is why do I say it all the time? And why did I use it to name my blog?

Do you intend on answering your own questions you put forth in this "answer"? Huh? HUH?!
Sandi said…
My favorite search on my blog is
"my boobs grew summer".

What the hell is that?
Mary, you've done it again...I pee'd my pants!!
Yaya said…
Those are funny! The weirdest one I got was "Baby Bump Porn"....eeeewwwwwww!!!!!! said cockburn.
Eudea-Mamia said…
I still have yet to figure out how to do this with my stats.

With these results, I think I'll keep myself in the dark.

pornzapp pregnant? I'm thinking they were probably looking for pregnancy zaps porn.
Kristen Andrews said…
that is funny, I get some strange stuff too!
Jenni Jiggety said…
People google WEIRD crap, don't they?
blueviolet said…
Maybe the spit bubbles have something to do with the mackerel? How do you know these things by the way?
Adrienne said…
"adrienne kress: does anyone know who this is?"

Um . . . that would be me. That is I am pretty sure it is me, there aren't a lot of us out there, and I do have somewhat of a web presence. I'm not sure why people get to you to find me. I know I found you through my google alert alerting me to this post.

I always love the weird search words people use in finding my blog too, though of course the irony in posting a list of one's keyword searches is that it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.

Anyway, hi! Nice to meet you! And sorry about my random presence in your searches!
Braja said…
I really don't know what people are thinking when they type things in: Aniston butt?!!! :))
Tina said…
lol that is so interesting! i like to know which words people type in to get to me too. it can be freaky sometimes!

I noticed you added mummy diaries to your blogroll-thanks mary! I have added you to mine there too :)
RiverPoet said…
My friend Heather over at Coal Miner's Granddaughter writes about the weird searches that land people at her site, too. Check her out!

Peace - D
Trina said…
Those are hilarious! I'm not getting a lot of hits based on keywords. I wonder what WOULD come up??

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