Enough Groceries For The Duggars

Recently, I was whining. What? Yes, I know. It's a rare occurrence, to be sure.

I had good reason to whine, however, as opposed to the times when I just whine because I know everyone loves to hear my sweet voice ring through the halls. Tra la la la!

Anyway, I was whining, as I said. About what? About the fact that I'm responsible for getting the groceries this month (Mr. Handsome & I take turns getting groceries so that neither one of us cracks under the pressure), and there never seems to be any food in the house. Ever. No matter how often I go to the grocery store and spend all our pennies on all the goodness nature can bring. Things like super-sized bags of potato chips and cocktail wienies and marinated artichoke hearts. Nummies.

So, I go to the store at least once, sometimes twice, a week, filling up our fridge and pantry as any good mother should. After all, god forbid my offspring or -- horrors! -- Mr. Handsome be without for more than maybe three seconds tops. Yes, that's the kind of mother I am.

I started getting all huffy, though, when I noticed that, no matter how much food I buy and how much money I spend, and how much love and thought I put into my food forays (and I put a lot of love and thought into my purchases of cocktail wienies, thank you very much), the food that should last a good week lasts maybe 1.6 days max.

What gives?

I just want to know.

Is my family actually a group of Duggars hiding in the laundry room, waiting quietly until I go to bed before coming out and foraging? I just want to know. What is going on?? I swear I just bought enough sandwich meat, cheese, milk, and snack-type goodies to last us a good seven days, if not eight.

The Duggars

And while I'm on the topic of the Duggars, I want to know if they really are all that cheery and pleasant 24/7? And how come they all have socks that match?! Figure that one out, people. What I do know about the Duggars is that they spend over $3,000 on groceries a month. For 20 people. It may be 21 by now. Michelle may have popped out another one while I was writing this. And somehow they make it work. Or so they say.

I almost feel like they're kind of like a cult. You know, always smiling, happy-go-lucky, hard workers, gentle, god-fearing. Nothing ever seems to jangle their nerves, or make them angry or upset. It's a little scary, I find. What is really going behind those doors? you have to ask yourself. And another thing, they fully believe in not kissing before marriage! Yes, that's correct! NO KISSING. Hand holding's okay, but do not touch lips. I'm not even talking tongue here, people.

Sorry, I got carried away again. But seriously, think about it. How many of us can actually say we did that, let alone wanted to do that?! What's the use of hooking up with someone if you can't give each other some sucky face?

So, about the groceries. I finally posed this question to Mr. Handsome, because I have an inquiring mind, and we all know that when there's a question that needs answering, Mr. Handsome is the "go to" person. You're welcome, dear.

And Mr. Handsome actually surprised me and gave me the answer, which is so out of the ordinary. Normally, I'll maybe get a silent acknowledgement that he actually even heard me. He actually told me how he does it on the months he's responsible for our food supply.

The trick is to buy things no one likes. No one eats much of any of it, so it lasts. And it's still giving them the choice. They hate all of it, but at least they have a choice. That way, you're still doing your job as "the good parent", and saving dollars at the same time! Kill two birds with one stone.

Now, why didn't I think of that? I can't wait for March!


Sandi said…

Now you know why want to do a TV show. We are NORMAL! I would parent like you do. Your idea to buy stuff no one will eat. CLASSIC!

...and seriously how do you marry someone you have never kissed. That is so freaky to me!
Megryansmom said…
Who has $3000 a month to spend on groceries and where does it come from? That's some people's entire monthly take home pay!
Shana said…
Marissa and I watch the Duggar's show. And then we TALK about it. Marissa thinks it really is a cult in a lot of ways. I find it interesting as I think they go WAY TO FAR in their beliefs (like the kissing thing) but they have good points on alot of stuff. And I LOVE their house.

And yes, buying food that no one likes sure works!!!!!!!!!
Good post. I understand his conundrum well and living in a city, right next store to a market I go to the store every day and I still find my cupboards often bereft of proper eating materials.
Eudea-Mamia said…
LOL - the Duggars - total cult. I'm pretty sure she's slipping valium into everyone's Kool Aid.

Mr. Handsome - simply brilliant.
Alexandria said…
lol that's perfect! I hear you on the grocery thing. We've cut back a lot on the "munchie" type foods too. That helps on the cost of groceries.

And I have to agree about the Duggar Family. Very interesting family ... though I'm unsure of why they believe certain things. But hey, whatever rocks their boat :)
Suburbia Steph said…
The Duggars...LOL! I think they are TOTALLY a cult! I still don't get where they get all their $$ from.
Lana said…
Oh that is so funny. It must be true.. My dad, when he was younger, lived with 2 roomates. They kept eating his strawberry jam. So, after a couple of frustrating months, he bought marmalade. No one touched it because they didn't like it... funny thing is, dad didn't like it either! And he ate it anyways out of spite!
Wendy said…
I read this great article in, I think, Family Fun magazine. A mom with 3-4 kids put her oldest in charge of the family "snack store". The kids would get a budget of a certain amount of points that they could spend on snacks. The junky stuff were high points. Veggies were hardly any points at all and water was 0 points. The article outlined the whole system and it looked like a great system.

Regarding the Duggars. What a creepfest. I suppose they should be admired for living their ideals. I've never seen the show, so all I know about them is what I've read at their web site. The problem I have with them is how many kids they have. I'm a "zero population growth" kinda girl and believe in only replacing yourself in the reproductive cycle. It just makes good sense environmentally (to me, but again that's MY philosophy). Also, 20 kids? They have this "buddy system" which I think is hideous for the older kids. It puts the older kids into a role of parenting when they should still be enjoying their carefree lifestyle.

I lived in a household where I had to assume a good deal of responsibility at a young age and while I learned many good values and a great work ethic, it also makes you feel like you've been "working" for 15 or 15 years before you're an official working adult.

Just my take. Great blog, by the way! :)
The Duggars....when Roy and I chanced upon them once in public,in a restaurant no less... They were very pleasant people. Not in a cult creepy way. The kids were not loud and obnoxious, they were polite and happy children. I was impressed. So many kids run amuck and the mother is frazzled, no one is in charge. But these people....I was impressed.
Shupe said…
Did I just puke at the idea of popping out 20 kids?
Oh look- yep- I need to clean that up now.

I am lucky on the food shopping gig.
Since it's just the 2 monkey's and I- and they're with their father half of the month- it saves me a crap load of money on food.
But I know how it goes!
great post!
Soxy Deb said…
I always found that the more I bought, the more they ate. SO I would just buy what I had to for meals and like 2 or 3 different snacks a week. If they ate them before the week was up...their bad.
Danita said…
What a great idea about groceries! How come I never thought of that?!
Chelle said…
The Duggars irritate me to no end.

That woman doesn't do a THING but get knocked up and delegate child raising to other children.

Plus her mullet should be taken to an emergency vet clinic and put to sleep now.
MrsAshley said…
Wow! What a great post. Such a neat family, I'm glad to have learned about them. I found your link on Mom Dot. Have a wonderful day!

Love your snarky blog. My daughter watches that ridiculous show...I keep telling her "If you wait to kiss until you get married..you too might end up with a million kids. So make out with as many good-looking guys as possible!!!!
kel said…
so... no kissing before marriage but they can hump like rabbits once the ring is on their finger?? scary.

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