Welcome To My World Of Hell! Wanna Chocolate?

Things are not going well at the household.

Not only are we dealing with Dee getting pummelled by Ass, and not only did our front door lock die on us on the weekend (it's now fixed, thanks to Mr. Handsome, so all you freaking robbers can just stop right there, turn around, and stalk someone else), but now our dryer has died...

Our dryer. Did you hear me?!

What are we going to do??

Mr. Handsome, being the handy guy he is, made a few phone calls, and he found out that our dryer, a Brentwood, is at least 25 years old, and that the motor on it died. That's what Mr. Dryer Repairman told him when Mr. Handsome described what it was and wasn't doing. Definitely the motor.

What? Never heard of a Brentwood? Neither had we.

And guess what?!

We can't get the motor on our Brentwood dryer fixed because they stopped making motors for that make two years ago. That's right. And it would have cost $250, which is still more than we would ever want to pay for anything, but it's a lot less than having to now go out and buy a new dryer.

And, as I'm sure you'll agree, we can't live without a dryer. A washer, yes, but a dryer?! Not on your life. What I mean is, who needs clean clothing? But really, you can't live with wet clothing. And if you know me at all, you know I don't do manual clothes drying. I can barely manage stuffing the clothes into the dryer and turning it on, let alone hanging things up on our non-existent line and then having to take it all down again at the end of the day.

Let's get real.

Our yellow Brentwood dryer came with the house when we bought it 10.5 years ago. And I hated it. Just hated it. I hated it because it was ugly. Who buys a yellow dryer? And this will give you an idea of how popular they really are. I just googled "yellow clothes dryer" and there are no images. None. We are the only ones with a yellow dryer in the entire world.

And now we have to buy a new one.

And you don't understand how stressful this is for someone like me.

I'm about to tell you something very personal, very private, very embarrassing. But I know you'll handle it, because you are great, and you are my friends, and you would never ever make me feel small. Come closer, though, so I don't have to yell it out. Closer...okay, listen.

The laundry room is a mess. No, I mean a real mess. And I don't have the energy to clean it up. Because cleaning up the laundry room would entail this:

That's how bad it is. Really.


And I know what's going to happen. Mr. Handsome will get into one of his "Let's clean this mother of a mess," and he'll clap his hands and then he will expect us to all get involved and clean it all up while we smile. Kind of cult-like, really. And what choice will I have, my friends? What choice is there, when your husband is all willing to clean, and you really have to because the delivery men will be bringing in your new dryer, and will be taking out the old yellow one, and if they can't even get into the room, then how the hell will any of that even happen?

See, the problem is, I wouldn't even know where to start.

So, I'd much rather not. Start, that is.

I'd much much rather be doing this instead:

...or this...

I'll let you know how things progress...


STOP posting pics of me in my robe on the internet!! Can't you post those that I sent you of me in a bikini instead?? Holy Mackerel is right!!! (and by the way, that was my body that they superimposed Valerie Bertinelli's head on....I gave them permission......I'm just sayin....)
Hope you and your kiddo are doing well. Next time something like that happens to my female kiddo (it has in the past and I'm sooo sorry for youmy dear) I'll be in jail for cutting someone's "special lil friend" off you know what I mean????

Steady On
Reggie Girl
Lidian said…
Mary - I think we also had a lovely yellow Brentwood when we bought this house back in the early 90s, and had to replace it about 5 years ago.

When the present one crumped out a few years ago, it was quite hellish, wringing out soaking wet ice-cold clothes and hanging them up...ugh, I know how awful it is! You deserve a lot of high-quality chocolate (Green and Black's, perhaps?) and a drink. And an armchair. And magazines.

And someone else to wring out clothes.

I hope it is fixed/replaced/whatever you need to do, really soon.
Mommy In Pink said…
LOL...you are too funny! I've never heard of a yellow dryer either...you must definitely be the only one that has it..haha!

This post totally cracked me up..good luck on your quest for a new dryer...we just bought a new fridge, washer and dryer and it cost us a small fortune...ahh..i hate paying for things like that...ick!
Jennifer said…
That sucks. Appliances should last forever. And I say that with minimal sarcasm.
Julie said…
I'm sending wine. And Xanax. It won't get any cleaning accomplished but you will not give a shit. LOL
Becky said…
You remember how bad my desk/office was before I cleaned it? Well, I am here to tell you that my laundry room isn't too much better. I feel your pain.
Lisa said…
Well, that sucks. Can you just go out of a couple of days and come back and find the laundry room clean?

I know - what if the punishment for Ass and his parents is to have to come to your house and clean your laundry room AND buy you a new dryer? I'm all about the solutions, aren't I?
Anonymous said…
Hysterical post. Loved the photos too. But lover boy forgot the whipped cream. You start off with the strawberries, then as things heat up and the garments go flying, you whip out the cream, baby.

Delicious - now I'm all in the mood. Cya, gotta go hit on my wife (smile)
Anonymous said…
It's true. When one thing breaks, they ALL break. I'm sorry.
Hit 40 said…
When there is such a big mess! It is hard to decide where to begin? Maybe just call your local donation center to come shovel you out!! Great pics with your post.
zelzee said…
I am so sad because I remember yellow dryers.............
melissa said…
seriously. i LOVE your blog. did i already tell you that???
sorry about your dryer. we had some problems with ours and i had to get a new one. then...the washing machine died. so i had to get a new one. hopefully nothing else'll die because...i shudder at the thought of having to do dishes by hand. do you see me? i'm shuddering.
~*Jobthingy*~ said…
so.. you should check freecycle.. or even used ottawa for cheap new(ish) dryers.

and well, as for the mess? i cant help you.... unless you offer me large amounts of wine.. and pick me up.. then i can actually help you
Jenni Jiggety said…
We had a yellow dryer once! Technically, it was "Harvest Gold"...and it was hideous!

Good luck attacking Mt. Laundry...
pam said…
Hey, I wouldn't mind that guy feeding me a strawberry!

Your laundry room must be a close relative to my basement. If we ever move I am going to have to get one of those big bins that sit in your yard to throw out all the junk out of the basement. No way would I move that crap.

Good luck with the dryer! Where are you buying it?
♥ Braja said…
i'll feed you strawberries, Mary :)
Missy said…
How did you get that pic of me and the strawberry man? I forgot all about your dryer prob when I saw him! Sorry, I am superficial like that!
This bullying thing; I am going to hire the biggest kid in my son's class to handle this issue for me...
Give that some thought!
Shawn said…
Well, it looks like you'll be using your Conair for clothes drying for the foreseeable future. Or you could just start re-wearing the same clothes over and over again. I've found that if you keep physical activity to a minimum, this strategy works out okay.
Well, shoot, Mary. I was just about to leave a comment, but my dryer just beeped that it has finished one of the first of 12 loads for the week. Enjoy putting your feet up. You don't have to go fold clothes and wearing what they wore yesterday never killed anybody. Enjoy!
Kristen Andrews said…
having your dryer break is the pits, you just don't realize how much you use and appreciate something until it breaks. Our dishwasher broke two days before thanksgiving so guess what we used paper plates!
nikkicrumpet said…
UGH a dead dryer sucks big time! Cleaning up the laundry room is also sucky. Sorry about that. I'll be thinking happy thoughts for you.
Bon Don said…
You are too much!! Good luck with that mess... I "had" to clean my room today and it was no fun, I'd much rather be doing that last picture too!
Oh God! My "laundry room" is actually in my garage! It is SOOOOO messy that we can't even park a CAR in there. I have been putting off getting a new dryer for a frikin' YEAR now because I don't want to clean the mess up. Our timer has gone out, and the dryer won't shut itself off, so I set the OVEN timer to remind myself to go into the messy garage and turn the dryer off! How bad is that???

A yellow dryer huh? Oh my....that's all!

Have a terrific Thursday~
Things in my house die way before 25 years. My freaking furnace died at 6 years old! Our dryer caught fire just after we moved in, it couldn't have been more than 6 years old.

25 years is a long time.
Anonymous said…
Brentwood? Isn't that in Calfornia? Hmmm. Never heard of it.

It looks like you have quite a task ahead of you with that laundry room. I thought our house, period, was bad, but I think your laundry room trumps our house any day.
♥Trina♥ said…
Two things that I hate--the washer dying when it is full of WET clothes and the dryer dying at any point in time. Twice in the last two or three years I've had washer issues--once at home and once at the lake--and I'd just about rather do anything than attempt to wring out soaking wet clothes that are all soapy, load them into the car, and go to the laundromat. UGH! At least you CAN get the clothes dry by hanging them out.

Good luck on your dryer search!

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