Slut Needs An Intervention, And Now

Slut's given up on her flaky eyebrows, everyone. She's decided to live and let live, and has realized that she is probably the only one in the world with Flaky Eyebrow Syndrome, and isn't she one lucky bastard?

I'm always one to think outside the box. So, I'm thinking maybe Slut will go down in the annals of medicine for the only person with flaky brows, and she could become an eyebrow guinea pig, where she could donate brow parts to medical science, and the scientists could then dissect her brow parts and find out why they flake. Because this is serious stuff, people. Why the hell are we focusing on breast cancer?! It's time to get real, and start taking these orphan afflictions seriously. Are you with me?

Anyway, now Slut's focusing all her efforts on losing ass weight. Ten pounds of ass weight, to be exact. Although it might be more now. Or less. I can never keep up with Slut, because she's waaay ahead in this Game of Life.

I for one don't agree with her about needing to lose weight, but Slut never listens to me. Never. Just ask her. She probably doesn't even know who I am, for Christ's sake. She's just jealous, because her momma likes me more than her, if truth be told.

So, the other day, mostly so she could get a great deal at the drugstore, Slut went in for a little shopping spree. Besides the extra-large condoms, cartons of lube, some FDS vaginal refreshing spray in mint scent, and anti-dandruff medication, Slut picked up some Green Tea Fat Burner pills.

Because Slut, well, Slut is all about fat burning. She will do anything she can to burn the fat off her ass, because god forbid she actually have some meat on those skinny bones.

Slut has a gym membership. Finally. She hasn't gone in some time, though. She's been very very busy. Very busy. So, instead, she bought green tea fat burner pills, so that she could still burn ass fat even if she doesn't darken the gym's doorway.

Slut's industrious and sly if she's anything, flaky eyebrows or not.

Apparently, Slut believes if it's got green tea in it, it's got to be good for you. She also believes the advertising, that by simply swallowing a miserly pill, your ass fat will simply burn off. No effort needed.

She so believes this that, the other day, as she prepared for the annual Camp Quality fundraising bowlathon she and I run each year, she sat amidst piles of Rockets and other candy treats, knowing full well that popping a few bonbons now and then would do nothing to her svelte figure because, hey!, she swallowed a green tea "bonbon" just an hour earlier, and she could swear she could just feel the fat melting off her sweet little ass.

She spent over $150 on candies and treats at Costco for the bowlathon. Why so much, you ask? Well, I'm wondering the same thing, actually. She had the great idea of providing little loot bags for all the children attending, which I think is very thoughtful of her. Honestly. But, I'm now thinking that most of that "loot" is going straight into Slut's little mouth, and directly to her ass, because why else would she time the purchase of Green Tea Fat Burner pills in this way, at exactly the same time as the grand Costco purchase?

Exactly.My.Point.

Your wily ways have been exposed, Slut.

I'm now calling an intervention. A Rockets intervention. Who's in?