We Need An Exorcism

Okay, so yesterday it was all about my friend Slut and her flaky brows. Today it's about me again.

I'm having computer issues, guys. Really bad ones. Not quite like when there was some creepy guy sitting in the bushes somewhere in Tanzania and playing around with my computer insides. No, this is more of a physically technical, hardware nature. Basically, the power cord on my laptop is close to kaput, and I only have 26 minutes left before my battery runs out, and then what will I do?

This is the second power cord for this laptop. And I don't know about you, but I for one am really sick and tired of things breaking down all around me.

First it was the dishwasher, then the front door lock, then the dryer, and now the laptop cord. It's like our house is haunted. Maybe I need to do an exorcism? My brother Gee (or as he'd rather be called, Adonis or Zeus), should probably have a say in this, because he's all into these hoaky, spooky, non-terrestrial type issues. What do you think, Adonis?

Adonis and his wife, Ess (who shall from now on be known as Wood Nymph) both read this blog, so I'll now throw this question up to them and see what they say. The only problem is, I don't think they know how to leave comments.

I don't want to have to go out and spend $150 on another damn power cord, but I think that's what it's coming down to because this cord I bought secondhand for $50, and see where it's got me? Nowhere, that's where.

And my first cord, the one that came with my laptop, got a bit damaged when the guinea pigs were running around loose in the living room one day, and lo and behold, no one was supervising them, and they managed to find my power cord and began chewing through it, as guinea pigs are wont to do. No, we didn't have roast pig for dinner.

So, I'm just so flustered, everyone, and now I'm down to 16 minutes and then I will be laptopless, and I don't know what I'll do with myself. I could use Mr. Handsome's computer, of course, but it's in the office, which is colder than Satan's asshole, and I refuse to be put in such a situation. I need warmth, a blankie on my lap, the dog at my feet, a warm cup of tea at my side, and the 50-inch television blaring ridiculous shows. I'm not high maintenance, but I am definitely middle-maintenance, which is sort of akin to middle management, I think.

Now I'm down to 14 minutes, and I'm starting to sweat. I still have to come up with a title for this post, let alone edit it, ensure it makes sense and doesn't go all off-tangent in all the wrong spots. And I can't help it, but we PVRed Sunday's episode of The Celebrity Apprentice, and I keep getting distracted by Brandy Roderick's voluptuous breasts.

OK, Adonis. Do I get an exorcism for this hell hole of a home? Tell me, bro. I need ya now like I've never needed ya before.

Oh, yeah, and our new dryer comes today ... unless, of course, I cancel delivery so that the priest can come instead.