We Need An Exorcism


Okay, so yesterday it was all about my friend Slut and her flaky brows. Today it's about me again.

I'm having computer issues, guys. Really bad ones. Not quite like when there was some creepy guy sitting in the bushes somewhere in Tanzania and playing around with my computer insides. No, this is more of a physically technical, hardware nature. Basically, the power cord on my laptop is close to kaput, and I only have 26 minutes left before my battery runs out, and then what will I do?

This is the second power cord for this laptop. And I don't know about you, but I for one am really sick and tired of things breaking down all around me.

First it was the dishwasher, then the front door lock, then the dryer, and now the laptop cord. It's like our house is haunted. Maybe I need to do an exorcism? My brother Gee (or as he'd rather be called, Adonis or Zeus), should probably have a say in this, because he's all into these hoaky, spooky, non-terrestrial type issues. What do you think, Adonis?

Adonis and his wife, Ess (who shall from now on be known as Wood Nymph) both read this blog, so I'll now throw this question up to them and see what they say. The only problem is, I don't think they know how to leave comments.

I don't want to have to go out and spend $150 on another damn power cord, but I think that's what it's coming down to because this cord I bought secondhand for $50, and see where it's got me? Nowhere, that's where.

And my first cord, the one that came with my laptop, got a bit damaged when the guinea pigs were running around loose in the living room one day, and lo and behold, no one was supervising them, and they managed to find my power cord and began chewing through it, as guinea pigs are wont to do. No, we didn't have roast pig for dinner.

So, I'm just so flustered, everyone, and now I'm down to 16 minutes and then I will be laptopless, and I don't know what I'll do with myself. I could use Mr. Handsome's computer, of course, but it's in the office, which is colder than Satan's asshole, and I refuse to be put in such a situation. I need warmth, a blankie on my lap, the dog at my feet, a warm cup of tea at my side, and the 50-inch television blaring ridiculous shows. I'm not high maintenance, but I am definitely middle-maintenance, which is sort of akin to middle management, I think.

Now I'm down to 14 minutes, and I'm starting to sweat. I still have to come up with a title for this post, let alone edit it, ensure it makes sense and doesn't go all off-tangent in all the wrong spots. And I can't help it, but we PVRed Sunday's episode of The Celebrity Apprentice, and I keep getting distracted by Brandy Roderick's voluptuous breasts.

OK, Adonis. Do I get an exorcism for this hell hole of a home? Tell me, bro. I need ya now like I've never needed ya before.

Oh, yeah, and our new dryer comes today ... unless, of course, I cancel delivery so that the priest can come instead.



Comments

Michel said…
I know exactly what to do:

(1) move;
(2) buy a new laptop;
(3) repent and confess your sins SATAN.

I have no idea. Why the hell would you take advice from someone who calls them 'puters??

PS why do you make us pass an eye test (which I NEVER CAN on the first try) in order to spout my opinion?!
Deb said…
please, the laptop issue takes precedence over any other appliance.

my dishwasher has been dying a slow death for about 2 years. i am almost to the point of handwashing.
Rachel said…
Most people blame problems with electrical gadgets on Gremlins.
Yep, you're gonna have to bite the bullet and get a new cord.
♥Trina♥ said…
No help with an exorcism. Maybe Adonis and Wood Nymph can help though. I have never heard anything described as being as cold as Satan's asshole. That is hilarious. I have used the phrase "hotter than 3 acres of hell" though.

Hope the dying laptop cord is the end of the breakdowns for you. :)
Yaya said…
Oh boy. I hope you get it fixed!!!!
Don't you just hate having to wait for the delivery man!
Gaston Studio said…
I'm also having freaky computer problems and almost WISH a power cord was involved. Mine is spawning blank pages like there's no tomorrow. That's what I said, blank pages, one after the other and I have to reboot to get it working again.
Let me know if your exorcism works because I might need a referral.
Jane
pam said…
Oh, I feel your pain. We just got a new cord last week. $150 sound like a deal, ours was $160.

Hope your dryer was delivered without incident.
Jen said…
I ordered my laptop cord off eBay. After I paid 19.95 US$ I was warned by a friend not to use it. I used it anyway and the laptop crashed about a month later. I don't think it had anything to do with the cord however. For twice the cost of the cord you could buy a new laptop with a new cord. I say try the exorcism first. But of course you can't read any of these great ideas can you?
Woodnymph said…
You know it took me three days to figure out how to leave a comment so I could give you this vital advice: You must build a psychomantium in the basement where you will call up the spirits of your long dead ancestors for their interventions who will of course have no idea what a laptop is and will be completely useless to you but it will have been nice chatting with them.... the end... ummm... actually not the end... why do I have to be called wood nymph? Just because Adonis thinks so?
Tina said…
oh no. the dreaded dying power cord! mine died months ago, luckily brett has a laptop so i always steal his!

power cords are expensive!

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