Sunday, April 26, 2009

Uncharted Territory

Are you a Type 1, or a Type 7?

What are you talking about, you're probably asking me right about NOW. And usually, my answer would be, "I have no idea." But not this time! No! Believe it or not, you've come to the right place today.

You know the Type A and B personality choices, kind of like blood types, but not? Now we have a new chart to further identify your "type". And, in my humble opinion, this typing might be the most telling of them all.

Let me further illustrate.

Last week, Mr. Handsome, Dee and I were at the hospital, where we discovered that Dee will most probably need more surgery to correct a little health problem that's been plaguing him. Nothing serious, but it has to be taken care of. Not cancer-related, and so it's all good.

After the surgeon gave us this news, we were shuffled into this little examination room in the urology department to wait for a pre-op nurse to go through the rigamarole of the operation, what to expect, etc.

As we sat there, I noticed a little poster behind Dee's head, and it particularly caught my eye, the reason for which you will soon see.

Please remember, we were in the Urology Department at the hospital. Urology, if you recall, is the scientific, clinical and especially surgical aspects of the study of the urine and the genitourinary tract in health and disease. In plain language, it's all about the pee, the peeing, and the peer, or is that peeer. You know what I'm getting at.

So, we're all sitting there, and I, being the mature person that I am, start trying to get into the hospital's computer system because what else am I going to do while I wait there for the nurse? And seriously, what do they expect, when they leave their computer on when someone like me enters the room? I mean, would you just ignore it? Didn't think so.

At one point, while Dee is chiding me, and I am gleefully laughing in his face, I look up to see the chart. The chart behind Dee's head.

This is not just any chart, mind you.

It's a poo chart. A chart of poos.






What the hell?!

And what really blew me away? That this poo chart was on the wall in the urology department! Helloooo?! This isn't gastroenterology we're talking about here, people! Even a minion like myself knows that. Who poops through their urethra? If you do, get thee to an emergency room quickly.

So, after I get over that little shock, I ask Mr. Handsome what type he is, because inquiring minds always want to know. And of course, he has no idea what I'm talking about, as is usually the case. So, I explain it to him as only I can.

"I bet you're a Type 3 or 4," I say, with total certainty, because I know Mr. Handsome inside and out, quite literally.

Although, if you knew Mr. Handsome like I know Mr. Handsome, you'd actually think he was more like a Type 1. But he isn't.


Anyway, Mr. Handsome's eyes are directed at the wall, and he studies the chart, shakes his head, and says nothing.




I pester him, and finally get him to admit he is definitely a Type 4, with a bit of Type 3 thrown in for good measure.


Like I said, I know my man.


I then studied the poster in a serious attempt to decide which type I fell under. It's not easy, you know, when you have undiagnosed digestive issues which continuously plague you. Because, sometimes I'm definitely a Type 1 (which you could also call 'anal retentive'), and which is no fun, let me tell you. And other times, I'm actually a Type 7. And sometimes, I would be a Type 8 or even a 9, if there even was such a thing, which apparently there isn't. But there should be, for people like me, because if you're going to have a continuum of sorts, why stop at number 7? It seems a pretty random number to me.


So, all this to say that the next time someone asks you whether you're a Type A or B, you can now come back at them with, "And how about you? I bet you're a Type 5, with a bit of Type 2 thrown in for good measure."


If nothing else, it's a good ice breaker at parties.

13 comments:

Stacie's Madness said...

wow...poo type...poo is a favorite topic over at my place. :)

I'd say I am all of the above with the exception of 7.

:)

Megryansmom said...

I'm guessing in this case we all wan to be 3 or 4.

Anna Lefler said...

They should have names for the types of poo - not numbers. I mean, come ON.

For instance, Type Number 4 should instead be named "Thor."

That's just cooler.

:^) Anna

Anonymous said...

I am leaving my comment. What is so bloody hard about this?
Mr. Handsome.

Mary@Holy Mackerel said...

Stacie: Yeah, same here. Topic of the morning, noon and night, it seems.

Megryansmom: We sure do!

Anna: What a great idea! Love Thor. Waaay cooler.

Mr Handsome:Bloody and hard would probably be a Type 1, of which you are not. Is that what you're talking about? Or is this actually aimed at Slut and her inability to leave a comment? :o) And, by the way, why are you reading my blog when you're supposedly at work, working????

Lisa said...

I have to borrow that Bristol Stool Chart. We have poo chat here so often, it may as well be elevated to a clinical level for at least 30 seconds.

Farts, though, is there a chart for them?

Mary@Holy Mackerel said...

Hi Lisa, What a great question! I'm on the job looking for a fart chart as we speak!! Will let you know! And, how funny is that that they rhyme?!?

dizzblnd said...

HA! I love this.. I can be ANY of these on ANY given day. Today however.. I am type 2

OMG My word verification word is PUSH

Teena in Toronto said...

I'm a 2 or 3 ... thanks for asking :)

Frogs in my formula said...

That chart is so...ick but intriguing. Why don't they hand these out in Phys Ed in high school? I feel like I've been missing crucial bodily info.

I feel so jipped!

Anonymous said...

testing (again) sighing heavily all the while.

lagirl said...

How do you think that chart would look framed? I'm thinkin' it would look great above my sofa.

.

sherie said...

you.are.hilarious. I am so happy to have stumbled upon your blog. It has become a daily read for me. Thanks for making me smile!


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