Holy Mackerel

I thought of posting something amusing today because Saturday seems to be my favourite day of the week because I can stay in my pajamas all day long and drink coffee and Bailey's and ignore the world around me. But I came upon this, and I am so glad I did, and yet so very sad. Little Tuesday Whitt . Stage 4 Neuroblastoma. Such sadness this life brings us, and I cannot, for the life of me, figure out why. And it again reminds me of how extremely lucky we have been with our "Dennis", that this terrible beast has not taken him away from us. What would we do without him, and his smile, his laugh, his happiness, his joy, his "boyness". And I feel so guilty that we have been "chosen" to be one of the fortunate ones who gets to keep their child. I will forever be asking "why?", but I know the answer: no one knows. There is no rhyme or reason. It just is. And that is one of the hardest things to deal with day to day. I will forever think of little T...

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I cannot believe it. Oh my god. I feel like I'm in high school, and the hunk of the school has just asked me out on a date. You know the one I mean -- the one whose eyes make you melt, whose hair is always at just the perfect level of dishevelment, and who wears clothing that perfectly accentuates his healthy muscular physique. Yeah, that one. The one who would always avert his eyes when he saw my shadow around the corner, for fear of actually seeing my zit-ridden face and stringy, oily hair. No, I'm not bitter. I've gotten over it. Almost. Why do I feel this way? Because I've been nominated for my second award! This blogging thing I've gotten into recently is really fun after all! And it seems that people out there are actually reading what I write, and some are even enjoying it! Go figure! Bon Don over at Who Throws a Cupcake? Honestly so generously gave me this award. Check out her blog here . She's awesome. Here it is! Isn't it cool? I am overwhelme...

God only knows why I volunteer to do these things. I must be sado-masochistic, an amnesiac, or just plain stupid with a capital "S". I recently volunteered to be interviewed by a fellow blogger, Jill Jill Bo Bill , and answer the questions she sent me. Like I said, why? I don't have the answer to that question. I hope I can answer Jill's questions a bit better than I did this one ... 1. If money was no object, describe how you would make your life more perfect and why? Oh man, that's a good one! And easy. I would lie in bed all day long, eating bonbons, reading trashy novels, and I'd have three houseboys -- two to serve me the bonbons (I could only find a picture with one houseboy feeding his masteress, so just cross your eyes and you'll see two) and the third to refill my vodka martini. I'd have a swimming pool like this and I would have a very big flat screen tv in my bedroom where I could watch endless episodes of Grey's Anatomy and Dog The Bo...

I've got spring fever, and I never get spring fever. It must mean I'm coming out of this deep, dark hole I seem to have been in for about 1,033 years. Or maybe it's just that I have finally reached the point of not being able to stand this hell hole we call our home. Our Hallowed Home of Toxic Waste. Mr. Handsome has been extremely busy the past two months and some with some heavy-duty project at work that keeps his little brain smoking and his little fingers typing for hours and hours on end, so he is never available to clean the house for us. When he has weekends off, he normally becomes the Fuhrer and makes the children vacuum, wash floors, tidy cupboards, and make dinners, while he lolls on the couch. Kidding. So, instead of tidying and cleaning, like any sane person would normally do when her head resembles Linda Blair's at her worst moment ... after seeing what her own bedroom looks like... ... and then realizing that, oh my god in heaven, the rest of the house ...

I thought it might be hilariously joyous fun to fill everyone in on the types of searches people have been doing when they end up on this site. I don't quite understand a lot of it, but who am to question the gods of the Internet? No one, that's who. Here we go: mackerel: Pretty obvious, although this site has nothing whatsoever to do with fish, or the sport thereof. blow spit bubbles: Ah yes, Brian, my first love, who despised me as I tried to win his love with saliva. canadian tire bruce cockburn: Of course, where else would you find him? shampoo brands from the early eighties: Someone wants to look like Farrah Fawcett. ree drummond kids bikes: I have no idea, although I do love Ree and her site Confessions of a Pioneer Woman . Give her a shout out when you've got a sec! what colour is the grinch : I'm still thinking chartreuse. nanaimo weather: Not sure what the weather has to do with our little Nanaimo (she's a guinea pig, for god's sake), but whate...

So, we family members were sitting around the other day, ignoring one another as we often do, when I had the bright idea to involve the entire family in a game -- you know, something where we could actually be involved, communicate with one another, and enjoy each other's company. What a concept. I happened to get a new game through MomFuse and was asked to review it. What better time? I said to myself as I excitedly opened the game up and put it in front of my children and husband. LoYo ! is a card game for players ages seven and up, for two to six players, and takes less than half an hour to play. Perfect. Just what a mother needs for those days when the kids are basically throttling each other's necks! What day isn't like that? The game is easy enough to learn quickly as well, which makes it that much more fun because you can start playing pretty much right away. Object of LoYo!: have the lowest point score after six rounds. There are surprises around every corner, wh...

This is what Dennis does when he goes to bed after a hard day's work: No wonder the poor guy's so tuckered out and cranky in the mornings! He's going to kill me when he sees this photo...

Now, I know I shouldn't complain, but because this still freaks me out a bit, I am going to tell you about it. And anyway, I'm not really complaining. Just obsessing on it a little too much. But you would too if you kept having flashbacks, making it all come back as if it was again real, kind of like the kiss I had with "Jay Lips" that I really didn't want but was kind of coerced into (long story, other life), and which I now regret. All the time. Because Jay Lips' name was Jay Lips (of course, it's not his real name) because he had the biggest lips in town. They were beyond Angelina Jolie-sized lips. I'm talking blow-up doll lips, like those wax lips we all wore when we were kids and thought everyone believed they were actually our own lips and that we were fooling everyone everywhere. Well, at least I did. Whatever. The thing that was much worse about Jay Lips was that he wore pants that were about 10 sizes too small for him, and they made his ...

I really don't know what's wrong with me these past few days, but it's almost like a dark cloud is hovering over me, squeezing all my creativity out of my tiny little brain. It takes all I've got, and more martinis than I have olives, to squeeze out one little fart-like pippet of a blog post. So, today's post will be about the lychee fruit. And the question I pose to you is this: Is it pronounced LEECHEE , or LICHEE ? Please help me. And while I'm on the topic, how in hell's name does one do the "strikethrough" text on their blog? I cannot for the life of me figure this tiny detail out. It's been a storm in this house since Dennis mentioned he wanted some lychee fruit. And since it's my month to get groceries , it's been up to me to get some. Of course, I haven't, but that's not the point. Dennis and Milly are fighting over the damn pronunciation of the stupid fruit, that which I have never even tried in my entire life. In fact...

Recently, I was whining. What? Yes, I know. It's a rare occurrence, to be sure. I had good reason to whine, however, as opposed to the times when I just whine because I know everyone loves to hear my sweet voice ring through the halls. Tra la la la! Anyway, I was whining , as I said. About what? About the fact that I'm responsible for getting the groceries this month (Mr. Handsome & I take turns getting groceries so that neither one of us cracks under the pressure), and there never seems to be any food in the house . Ever. No matter how often I go to the grocery store and spend all our pennies on all the goodness nature can bring. Things like super-sized bags of potato chips and cocktail wienies and marinated artichoke hearts. Nummies. So, I go to the store at least once, sometimes twice, a week, filling up our fridge and pantry as any good mother should. After all, god forbid my offspring or -- horrors! -- Mr. Handsome be without for more than maybe three seconds tops. Y...

Driving along in the car the other day, minding my own business, little Dennis sitting there beside me, watching the world go by... Suddenly, a car comes out of nowhere from a side street. Behind the wheel is a punk , unshaven (not that there's anything wrong with that), and it doesn't look like he's even thinking of planning to stop at the stop sign that is right there , glaring, right in front of him. He starts going through the stop. I have the right of way. I swerve, being the good, defensive driver that I am. Simultaneously, I am thinking, "The little bastard is going to hit me, and I'll have wrecked this car for the third time in the last six months!" So, instead, I swerve to avoid him, and out of my mouth, without any will on my part, comes the word we all dread to say in front of our beloved and innocent children. Yes, I say the F word. And not only say it, but I say it like I mean it, if you know what I mean. After about five seconds, I realize wha...

Captain & Tennille MUSKRAT LOVE - Click here for funny video clips

A Attached or single? Very attached, at the armpit B Best friend? Won't name them, but they know who they are. C Cake or pie? Pie, unless it's cheesecake. Unless it's pumpkin pie. D Dog or cat? Dog & guinea pigs -- an insane standard poodle named Gryphon who thinks he's human, and two guinea pigs (Furry and Mo), who try to outdo each other all the time. E Essential item? My glasses, a coffee, my laptop, and my favourite music and books. I realize that's not one essential item...sorry. F Favorite color? A certain blue-green that has no name. G Gummy bears or worms? I'd rather have a chocolate bar, but if I had to choose, I guess it would be the bears. They're cuter. H Hometown? Ottawa, Canada. Not too big, not too small...just right! I Favorite indulgence? Staying in my pjs all day Saturday, drinking coffee or tea and reading the newspaper from end to end without any interruptions or noise. J January or July? July for sure. January is just nasty....

I recently came upon this awesome site that I wish I had thought of first. As some of you may know, I love cross stitching. I don't get the chance to do it that often, but that doesn't mean I don't love it. The same goes with cleaning the house. There's something about cross stitching that fulfills some of my creative drive. It's very artistic, very detailed, very beautiful, and requires a lot of patience and time. I wish I had discovered cross stitching when I lived at the hospital with Dennis. It might have been better than watching Jerry Springer at 1 in the morning. That gives you an idea of where my head was at back then. Subversive Cross Stitch is a cross stitch site like no other. You won't find too many cute little bears hugging here, or a sweet angel with a halo over her head. Not unless the saying under the picture says, "You suck!" I found one pattern t hat I think I'm actually going to order. It's very relevant and touching since ...

I have absolutely nothing to talk about today. So, instead of not posting at all, I thought it might be fun to see how much I could talk about absolutely nothing. Which, I suppose you could argue, I do every day. But today, it really is...about nothing. But then, what is life really? Let's ponder this for a moment... So, I got up today with my daughter telling me it was time to get up. She needed a drive because it is -30C here in beautiful Ottawa today, another reason why I hate January. I wouldn't want my children to freeze their cute little adorable faces off, so I drive them to school when it's cold enough to freeze the butt hairs off an Eskimo. Politically incorrect, you say? Whatev. I know Eskimos have butts, and hair. I don't spoil my children. In fact, most of the time, I ignore them and leave them to their own devices. That way, I reason, they will learn all about life so much more quickly and adeptly than I could ever teach them. Socially responsible parentin...

Once upon a time, I went to a relatively reputable doctor for my sinuses. You see, apart from my countless other health issues that seem to have no resolution, my sinuses were giving me maybe the most grief (at that time), and so I thought, there must be a simple solution to this nonsense of constantly having gunk in my nose and throat, and of having to always cough up grossness and keep everyone awake for two hours while I clear my throat while trying to fall asleep. You get the picture. My regular doctor wasn't helping any, and so I thought I had a great idea: go to another one and see what happens! What's the worst thing that could happen? Right? Right. Wrong. I thought, this doctor seems pretty much on the straight and narrow. He's sure to know what I should take for this very annoying condition of mine that has been beleaguering me now for probably, oh, let's say five damn years . Oh, sorry. Did I just say that really loudly , and with lots of anger ?! Yes, y...

I got this from Knit Purl Gurl at Mommatudes , and it looked fun, and I love babies, and I was bored, so I thought I'd play along. It's a "First Baby" questionnaire. Here we go: 1. Were you married at the time? Yup! 2. What were your reactions when you found out you were pregnant? Slap happy and scared. 3. How old were you? 32 4.How did you find out? Lack of period, overwhelming nausea, and finally, a pregnancy test 5. Who did you tell first? My husband 6. Did you want to find out the sex? Sort of, but Mr. Handsome wanted to know because he is Dr. Spock 7. Due date? Feb. 26, 1995 8. Did you deliver late or on time? 3 days late 9. Did you have morning sickness? I was sick for the first 6 months. It was not fun. Not even a little. 10. What did you crave? Pepperoni sticks 11. Who/what irritated you the most? Having to smell food. 12. What was your first child's sex? girl 13. How many pounds did you gain throughout pregnancy? I never gained. Sorry about ...