I Want To Look Like Jennifer Aniston -- No, Really I Do

If I were turning 40 and looked like Jennifer Aniston, I'd be pretty damn proud of it too. Apparently, she's on the cover of January's GQ magazine, and she's naked, but for a striped tie, AND she's surrounded by almost-naked men. If I were lesbian, I would be buying up every GQ there is. I still may. Become lesbian, that is, and then buy up all the GQs.

Sorry, Mr. Handsome. It was great while it lasted.

Apparently the article is about Aniston turning 40 and being hotter than she's ever been. And I can't say I disagree. She has a certain je ne sais quoi about her now that she didn't have 10 or 15 years ago. It's not just about how amazing her body is. I can't be sure, but I'm pretty sure some PhotoShop and airbrushing is involved. What "normal" woman can look like that without daily work-outs that last hours and involve five different personal trainers and assistants?

What has changed, and what's more important, I think, is her confidence in herself as a person, as a woman. She's gone through a lot, and it took its toll on her. But I think she's finally coming out of her shell and becoming a full, rounded person with great self-esteem and a lot more knowledge about herself and those around her. She finally seems comfortable in her own skin.

So, okay, good for her. I really am happy for her. She's 40, looks like she's 20, feels great about herself, and has every man in North America wanting to bonk her. But why all this brouhaha over a celebrity who we all know does not live the life most of humanity lives? Why place so much importance on someone who we all see as a character, not really knowing who she is at all. Not only that, what do her days actually consist of? Getting up early, getting kids to school, eating on the run as she hurries to her office job, where she sits on her ass for 8 hours, then rush back home to make a hearty frozen dinner for her family, then clean up, do homework with the little angels, bathe the kiddies, give them lots of love, and put them safely to bed. And then have your husband grope you, in the hopes of more. Yeah, right. NOT.

Jennifer Aniston's day is probably chock full of lots of work and stress, what with all the paparazzi hounding her day and night, climbing over the hedges that surround her property. She probably has to put in some early mornings, but more likely than not, she gets to sleep in as late as she pleases most days, in her mansion, on her 4,000-count sheets and her princess bed. She then goes for a lazy lunch by the pool, or out with her friend Courtney, or John, and then to the spa to recover. Oh, and I forgot that she works out. A lot. And goes to Cabo San Lucas whenever she pleases. And probably has some lipo, Botox, breast implants and other cool procedures done that most of the rest of us could never afford. I'm pretty sure (although again, I don't really know) she's had her boobs "improved", if you know what I mean.

I'm not making fun of her, or trying to belittle her. In fact, I think she's a pretty great woman who's been very successful. Go for it, Jen! It just riles me when people talk about her as some amazing woman who has made it to 40 looking so freaking fabulous. What goes unsaid is, "Why doesn't MY wife/girlfriend look like that?" or "Why can't I look that wonderful, and I'm only 30?!" This is what I find so unfair, so threatening to women. It's the old argument of the media playing a joke on the female race, making us feel inadequate by promoting models and celebrities as this is how women "should" look. And it's frightening because we all unconsciously get sucked into this belief. I caught myself looking at Aniston's well-chiseled body and feeling bad about mine. And I do have reason to feel bad about my body, believe me, but I certainly don't need photos and stories about a celebrity to help me along in that area, thanks very much. My question is, do we not have brains in our heads able to stop this subconscious droning from occurring? What is it about seeing a photo of Jennifer Aniston that turns us into drooling fools, ready to believe that she "just" looks that way, and why don't we all?

This trend, this ploy to make we women feel inadequate (because that is how we're going to feel when we gaze at a photo of Jennifer Aniston BUCK NAKED) is truly unfair, is overwhelming, and is nowhere near ready to disappear. No matter how much is said about how wrong it all is, how awful it is that these portrayals of perfection are thrown in our faces day in and day out, it continues, and it's happening more frequently. I don't see it disappearing anytime soon.

So, what we have to do is perhaps stop blaming the media for our sheeplike activity, and look at ourselves for a moment. Why do we tend to feel negatively about ourselves upon looking at a photo we know damn well isn't "real" in any sense of the word? Why, oh why, do we think that we should, at the age of 40, have biceps and deltoids like Jen's without working out 10 hours a week and not having family or any other real responsibilities to interfere. Why do we think our hair should always look as amazing as Aniston's does, regardless of what she's doing. Why does her butt have such an amazingly perfect shape to it? And what about wrinkles?

Dammit. Oops, there I go again.