Today I was going to write about the stupid squirrel in our neighbourhood, but I'm agitated and annoyed, so I'd rather just bore you with complaints and whining about how I feel useless and worthless and how I have so much stuff to do before the end of this month that I think I might die from the stress of it all.
But, as my friend Slut would say, I just need to relax. Remain positive. Breathe.
But honestly, how do you breathe and relax when you have an anxiety disorder to begin with, coupled with having to plan for three trips in the next four weeks, clean the house, finish up more Grade 11 Biology stupidity, and decide whether to enter the paramedic or the nursing program? I've also been having all these weird dreams that include visions of my deceased parents mixed with strange houses, and very creepy and undesirable themes. Oh, and I have to get my son's health card renewed so that he can actually have health care (yes, actually, I AM a good mother, why do you ask?).
Should I take my laptop on this trip? As well, I have to keep track of library books that I've taken out, get my hair cut, and figure out why Firefox just up and quit working on my laptop on Saturday, which means I've now lost about a millionty bookmarks I had carefully made for sex sites.
Yeah. Tragic. I.Told.You. Like I said, no one could deal with this kind of stress.
I also have to figure out how to pack for both Switzerland and Venice, with only a 50-lb. limit for my bag. Which is bad enough in itself, but, knowing Mr. Handsome like I know Mr. Handsome, he's most probably going to want me to (a) pack only a carry-on bag to make life easier, or (b) he'll want to share a bag with me, to make life easier.
Either way = bad things.
Because if he wants (a) to occur, it will mean trying to fit my whole life into a small suitcase, which as we women know, just does not happen. Especially when foraging into foreign terrain, because not only are you very far from home, but you also have no idea if they actually have things like sanitary napkins or Imodium in their drugstores, which is a very important consideration for travellers, because Travellers' Diarrhea is not a myth.
And also, do countries like Switzerland and Italy provide hairdryers in the hotel rooms? What about shampoo, and soap? And what about adult diapers, or do I really have to try and fit those into my carry-on as well? Are you starting to see the problem here?
If Mr. Handsome wants to go with (b), that may be an even bigger problem than (a) because I would have to share my suitcase with a smelly male, I'd have to deal with his obvious lack of organizational skills in the suitcase department, and he'd leave his dirty underwear on my side of the suitcase, which is unacceptable.
Let me demonstrate with a Venn diagram to clarify:
Click on the image to get a ginormous view of my amazing diagram that took me probably oh 5 hours to create. Yeah, I'm THAT good.
As you can see, I cannot win this race called life.
P.S. After verifying that the above Venn diagram was accurate, I have realized that it may, in fact, not make any sense at all.
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