Monday, April 12, 2010

Anxiety Brings Out The Vennom In Me

Today I was going to write about the stupid squirrel in our neighbourhood, but I'm agitated and annoyed, so I'd rather just bore you with complaints and whining about how I feel useless and worthless and how I have so much stuff to do before the end of this month that I think I might die from the stress of it all.

But, as my friend Slut would say, I just need to relax. Remain positive. Breathe.

But honestly, how do you breathe and relax when you have an anxiety disorder to begin with, coupled with having to plan for three trips in the next four weeks, clean the house, finish up more Grade 11 Biology stupidity, and decide whether to enter the paramedic or the nursing program? I've also been having all these weird dreams that include visions of my deceased parents mixed with strange houses, and very creepy and undesirable themes. Oh, and I have to get my son's health card renewed so that he can actually have health care (yes, actually, I AM a good mother, why do you ask?).

Should I take my laptop on this trip? As well, I have to keep track of library books that I've taken out, get my hair cut, and figure out why Firefox just up and quit working on my laptop on Saturday, which means I've now lost about a millionty bookmarks I had carefully made for sex sites.

Yeah. Tragic. I.Told.You. Like I said, no one could deal with this kind of stress.

I also have to figure out how to pack for both Switzerland and Venice, with only a 50-lb. limit for my bag. Which is bad enough in itself, but, knowing Mr. Handsome like I know Mr. Handsome, he's most probably going to want me to (a) pack only a carry-on bag to make life easier, or (b) he'll want to share a bag with me, to make life easier.

Either way = bad things.

Because if he wants (a) to occur, it will mean trying to fit my whole life into a small suitcase, which as we women know, just does not happen. Especially when foraging into foreign terrain, because not only are you very far from home, but you also have no idea if they actually have things like sanitary napkins or Imodium in their drugstores, which is a very important consideration for travellers, because Travellers' Diarrhea is not a myth.

And also, do countries like Switzerland and Italy provide hairdryers in the hotel rooms? What about shampoo, and soap? And what about adult diapers, or do I really have to try and fit those into my carry-on as well? Are you starting to see the problem here?

If Mr. Handsome wants to go with (b), that may be an even bigger problem than (a) because I would have to share my suitcase with a smelly male, I'd have to deal with his obvious lack of organizational skills in the suitcase department, and he'd leave his dirty underwear on my side of the suitcase, which is unacceptable.

Let me demonstrate with a Venn diagram to clarify:


Click on the image to get a ginormous view of my amazing diagram that took me probably oh 5 hours to create. Yeah, I'm THAT good.

As you can see, I cannot win this race called life.

P.S. After verifying that the above Venn diagram was accurate, I have realized that it may, in fact, not make any sense at all.

12 comments:

ReformingGeek said...

I have the solution. Just put me in your suitcase.

Grace said...

I wish I weren't so pragmatic at times. I'm reading this and laughing but then I am also making a mental list of suggestions that might alleviate some of the anxiety. Yeah, I know this is a humour blog - so I'll just stick with the laughing part...

Cornelius Butterfield said...

Go. Take your trip. What's the worst that could happen? So you run out of sanitary napkins. Can't you just use a paper towel, or something, coffee filter, face cloth? Shouldn't be all that difficult. You gotta learn to relax. Come over. Sit. You'll have a cup of hot tea. And don't worry about insects you find overseas. Most or them aren't really that deadly.

The Chicken's Consigliere said...

Thank God Grace posted first because I was doing the exact same thing and had every intention of sharing but now know that wouldn't be cool. Have a great trip. And if you pack first, way ahead of time, Mr. Handsome will have no choice but to pack his own bag of smelly items. Guess I couldn't help myself. Have fun.

WELCOME TO MY WORLD OF POETRY: said...

I'm pleased you wrote this post and not the one about the squirrell because I love them.

About your oncoming trip, I think most European countries sell the things you were on about......well they do in Spain, The baggage situation is a problem as one is only allowed so much. But on the positive side, think of it you're going abroad with Mr. Handsome,
Romantic nights, no housework,
nights out at restuarants,
Enjoy the preparations and have a wonderful time.

Yvonne.

Southern Sage said...

I can help you with the lost bookmarks!

Anything Fits a Naked Man said...

Oh, you make me laugh! Enjoy your trip, and tell us all about it when you get back!

MarieA said...

Mr Handsome can take his own suitcase. Pack him extra socks. Apparently in some countries they use socks as sanitary napkins,,, wool is very absorbent.

no worries with the hair dryers and mini soaps and stuff...

LOL......

Kelley @ magnetoboldtoo said...

Mr Handsome can pack his crap in a fanny pack or wear all his clothes on the plane. And you get the BIGGEST suitcase you can find.

Solution.

You are welcome.

Mary@Holy Mackerel said...

Carol - Sounds like a plan, as long as my husband doesn't mind not bringing any clothing!

Grace - Too funny!

Cornelius - You haven't met my husband, have you?

Chicken - Not a bad idea! Thanks! And you would not believe how many people thought I was serious in the post. Although I'll admit I am stressed...

Yvonne - Thank you! And I love squirrels too. The squirrel post won't be mean (I think). I promise...

Southern - I knew I could count on you.

Naked - I'm debating whether I should take my laptop so I can blog from overseas. Of course, hubby says no way. Whatever.

Marie - Good idea about the socks. Thanks!!

Kelley - Definitely a great idea. I might have to drug him first though. I'll let you know how it goes. :o)

bernthis said...

I am going out of town and I can't stand packing. Thankfully it is just me. BTW I'm not sure if you can take a Packed carry on which I imagine yours will be if you both use the one suitcase.

Have a fantastic time. I'm so jealous

Dawn said...

XANAX! LOL!

I struggle with anxiety disorder as well.

I hope you can figure it all out. =)


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