Drowning in Sexy

I just discovered something about Mr. Handsome that I did not know, which is huge (and possibly dangerous), because we've been together now 23 years, and I was pretty sure I knew everything about him, including the location of that strangely-shaped mole just under ... oh, never mind.

I found out that speaking a foreign language in his presence really turns him on. As does me wearing granny glasses. Can't imagine what would happen if I wore my granny reading glasses AND talked to him in Swahili while holding a whip and handcuffs. I will wait while you imagine this scenario.

Let me demonstrate:

And now, replete with granny glasses and Swahili speech:

Yeah. I know.

All this to say that we went to the local bookstore the other day to peruse the travel section, because it's been decided that Mr. Handsome is going to Switzerland this month to give a presentation at some United Nations blahblahblah, and I am apparently accompanying him so that he makes it there and back in one piece. And also, because I begged and pleaded and promised him loads of lewd and illegal activity on a daily basis for the next 20 godforsaken years. I can only hope his Alzheimer's kicks in quickly.

After a few days in Geneva, he and I are going to frolic off to Venice, Italy, where people fall into the canals at high tide.

You may not know this about me, but I am very afraid of water. So afraid, in fact, that if I go into the water at a beach, and the water happens to touch my neck, I freak out and scramble for the shore. I'm pretty sure this reaction is due to a very bad past life experience. I was most probably an Italian princess who went blind in a random cholera epidemic, and one day thought I was walking out the back door and into the gardens, when in fact I was walking out the front door and into the Venetian Grand Canal. Which would just be my luck, wouldn't it.

One of the books we looked at spoke of high tide in Venice, and how the water tends to rise a few inches now and then, and the Venetians put down old boards so that people can keep walking without getting their nice Italian leather shoes soaked with icky Venetian water, and apparently it's no big deal and no one even bats an eye, but then I read something about the dangers at times like this, because when the water rises, you cannot see where the edge of the walkway ends and the actual canal begins.


I am pretty sure I will be wearing a lifejacket during our stay in Venice. But I am quite certain I can still pull off a sexy look. It can't be that difficult.

 The right attitude is half the battle.

Don't be jealous.


Claire said…
You friggin' make my week, woman! You have no idea...have a great trip...I'm not certain Europe is ready for you yet though...
Claire said…
Woman...you totally make my week! You have no idea! Have a great trip, though I'm not sure Europe is ready for you just yet...
Claire said…
oops...double commented...please don't put them all up OK..otherwise, I will look like an idiot who did not have enough sleep..which is what I am, but I'd rather not have the whole world know just yet...especially those people in Ottawa. Thanks ever so, ducks!
I think I've said this before, so sorry if I'm repeating myself - but you are just too f'ing funny!!!

Congratulations on the trip! I'm so jealous, especially about the Venice side-trip! Do you think you'll go for a gondola ride(with life vest, of course) so hubby can serenade you like he does Griphon?
If ever I'm in need of a laugh I always comes to your page, Mary you have a way of writing no-one else I know has. I do hope you enjoy your trip also the lewd and illegal activities over the years.
Loved the photo's.
Take care.
ReformingGeek said…
Uh oh. It's getting hot in here.

I'm calling Switzerland and warning them about you.

Dawn said…
Hahahahaha!!! I love the photo-editing!

Witty AND sexy!
franzi said…
haha, this post is awesome! i love how you manipulate the photos now. one can tell you are very proud of having figured out the picture-manipulating-program!
otin said…
So a guy who is giving a presentation at a UN function gets turned on by foreign languages? LOL

At least you get to travel, that sounds fun!
Captain Dumbass said…
Venice is awesome. I was there in my early 20's and was drunk most of the time. If I didn't fall into a canal and drown I think you'll be ok.
Anonymous said…
Can I request that the instant you are both out of harms way that Mr. handsom calls in B-52's to bomb the UD (United Dumbasses) into an Obama economy? I mean like way back where we bartered sex for chickens?

Those glasses are frickin hot.
Lovin' the photo alterations sexy. Granny glasses...that's a new one.
Debbie said…
If anyone can bring sexy back to the life jacket crowd - it is you.

Popular posts from this blog

Just call me a dwarf

How About Some Kielbasa Up The Poopshoot?

Soothing My Savage Beasts With The Over The Shoulder Boulder Holder