Porn In 3-D?! Wait 'Til Mr. Handsome Sees What He's Missing!

Because Mr. Handsome is no longer reading my blog, I feel entirely free to talk about this. In fact, even if he were still reading my blog, I'd probably end up talking about this, because it is THAT awesome.

Yes, my friends, the moment I've been waiting for it finally here. I couldn't believe my eyes when I read that the world's first 3-D porn movie is being planned! OH.MY.GOD.

Just think about it, people. The implications are enormous (pun intended, but only by mistake, because I only just noticed it).

Apparently, the man responsible for Caligula, which I know all of you have on your shelves (wrapped up in a Teletubbies faux-cover) has decided to produce what he calls "the world's first 3-D pornographic production". Apparently, the recent success of Avatar has convinced Tinto Brass that the time is right. Really, there's not much difference between the two genres: save a world, pork a girl. 


What Avatar and porn realistically have in common, I am not sure. But I do know that if Tinto says the time's right, it's gotta be right.

Speaking of which, doesn't "Tinto" sound more like a name you'd call your pet chinchilla, and not the producer of one of the world's most (in)famous sexually suggestive movies of all times? 


Does this look like a Tinto to you?

So, let's now allow our imaginations to run rampant for a moment, shall we? Running naked rampant is always fun, I think. So, we've got a porn movie on the screen. Always a good thing in our house. Now, take that porn, shove a pair of sexy 3-D glasses on your proboscis, and you've got an abnormally large male genital that could very likely and literally poke you in the eye.

If you've ever been to Disney World, you can now imagine the likes of It's A Bug's World, where the take on 3-D is really 4-D, because the show has the added dimension of the audience actually being able to feel, taste and smell different activities taking place on the screen. So, for instance, say someone on the screen sneezes. The audience would get the added effect of "snot" actually being sprayed on to their faces. It's pretty cool, although somewhat disconcerting, unless you like getting showered with snot.

Now, take that little tidbit and add it to the 3-D porn phenomenon, and what have you got?

I'll wait right here, with my 3-D glasses on, while you picture this. And I'm ordering spray nozzles on Ebay as you read this.

Comments

Mary , I may be a grandmother of 4 but your blog made me laugh, I can see (in my minds eye) all the implications of a 3D Porn film.
Pity Mr. Handsome will miss out.
Most entertaining blog as usual.
Take care.
Yvonne/
Gaston Studio said…
LOL... and UGH simultaneously!
A reader in FL! said…
Love your post. You are hilarious!

I can SEE 3-D Porn now! And IN my eye and hopefully miss my mouth as it protrudes towards me and I will think John Holmes long lost GIGANTOR sons Penis is attacking me off screen!!! ( Imagine this. Male porn stars will no longer need viagra or extends to stay hard and stay big!! LOL) YOWZA!!

Keep that penis and vagina far from my face people! I may be one whom will have to be forced to wear 3-D glasses as I do not care to envision a womans vay jay jay near my face!

Maybe Mr. Handsome will like the fact of THAT in his....Ummmm, eyes!

Thanks again for the laugh!
blueviolet said…
I'm not a fan of making advancements in the field of pornography. Now snot spray...that I can get behind! ;)
Mary...I'm speechless. Entertained, enlightened, and amused, but speechless.
Yaya said…
I hope you're joking...yet for some reason I know you're not...oy!
ReformingGeek said…
Oh. So you're NOT talking about cup sizes?

Oh well. I was really confused.

;-)

I'll pass on the 4D mess.
franzi said…
i think HD was already a...uhm...step...in the porn world. ;-)

i could picture a 3D porn for a ladies night though - nothing like getting out the ruler and measure! lol
Meghan said…
I wonder if 4D porn would have a happy ending for the audience as well...

sorry. had to go there.

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