Porn In 3-D?! Wait 'Til Mr. Handsome Sees What He's Missing!

Because Mr. Handsome is no longer reading my blog, I feel entirely free to talk about this. In fact, even if he were still reading my blog, I'd probably end up talking about this, because it is THAT awesome.

Yes, my friends, the moment I've been waiting for it finally here. I couldn't believe my eyes when I read that the world's first 3-D porn movie is being planned! OH.MY.GOD.

Just think about it, people. The implications are enormous (pun intended, but only by mistake, because I only just noticed it).

Apparently, the man responsible for Caligula, which I know all of you have on your shelves (wrapped up in a Teletubbies faux-cover) has decided to produce what he calls "the world's first 3-D pornographic production". Apparently, the recent success of Avatar has convinced Tinto Brass that the time is right. Really, there's not much difference between the two genres: save a world, pork a girl. 

What Avatar and porn realistically have in common, I am not sure. But I do know that if Tinto says the time's right, it's gotta be right.

Speaking of which, doesn't "Tinto" sound more like a name you'd call your pet chinchilla, and not the producer of one of the world's most (in)famous sexually suggestive movies of all times? 

Does this look like a Tinto to you?

So, let's now allow our imaginations to run rampant for a moment, shall we? Running naked rampant is always fun, I think. So, we've got a porn movie on the screen. Always a good thing in our house. Now, take that porn, shove a pair of sexy 3-D glasses on your proboscis, and you've got an abnormally large male genital that could very likely and literally poke you in the eye.

If you've ever been to Disney World, you can now imagine the likes of It's A Bug's World, where the take on 3-D is really 4-D, because the show has the added dimension of the audience actually being able to feel, taste and smell different activities taking place on the screen. So, for instance, say someone on the screen sneezes. The audience would get the added effect of "snot" actually being sprayed on to their faces. It's pretty cool, although somewhat disconcerting, unless you like getting showered with snot.

Now, take that little tidbit and add it to the 3-D porn phenomenon, and what have you got?

I'll wait right here, with my 3-D glasses on, while you picture this. And I'm ordering spray nozzles on Ebay as you read this.