Gowan Loves Me
You are not going to believe this, guys!
Gowan's my Facebook friend! I KNOW!!
Who's Gowan, you're asking? Before I tell you, let me just say that I seem to be the only one around here who is the least bit interested in this, which just makes me very, very sad and disillusioned, actually, with the whole family dynamic. When I found Gowan on Facebook, I decided to "friend" him because, in my tiny brain, he is my friend. I actually met him when he was all hot and sweaty after a show at Barrymore's many many moons ago and I think I may have even touched him and gotten a tiny drop of sweat on my left forearm. So, yeah, I am his friend, and he's really famous, so suck it, all you jealous and envious Gowan-wannabes.
No one in the house seemed to care in the least that Gowan friended me back ALMOST IMMEDIATELY. Not only was this guy insanely famous in the 80s and maybe even the 90s, but he's now part of Styx,
This is Styx.
This is Styx.
which makes him even more of a somebody, if you ask me.
When I told Mr. Handsome and the kids with a trembling voice what had just occurred, Mr. Handsome was silent, but his right eyebrow raised a tiny bit, so I knew he had heard me. Em said, "Wow, that's great," but I know she didn't really mean it because -- hello! -- she's a teenager, in the midst of her own world of angst and sarcasm. And Dee said, "Who's Gowan, and why do you care?" So, for Dee's benefit, I started a rendition of "You're a Strange Animal," but then everyone ran out of the room with their hands over their ears. Rude people.
Whatever, guys. I see your ruse, and I rise above it.
You see, they are oh so jealous of me because it's obvious they've tried numerous times to friend Gowan but have been unsuccessful. If you ask them, they'll deny it, but don't let that fool you. Because I know. And I especially know when it comes to both Mr. Handsome and Em because (1) Mr. Handsome has a whole TWO friends on Facebook (he claims that's all he wants, but I know better), and one of them is ME, and (g) Em Facebook-friends anyone who even looks remotely familiar to her (yes you do, Em, don't even try to argue with me about this because YOU WILL LOSE). Dee doesn't have Facebook, and wouldn't know what to do with it if he did, which he doesn't, because he is too young for those kinds of shenanigans.
Seeing as Valentine's Day is just around the corner, I might just send my new friend Gowan some roses, just as a thank you for dripping that sweat on my forearm, because that is more than anyone in my home gave me. I mean, nobody even bowed or genuflected.