The List, Or How To Do Toronto Real Good With Lots And Lots Of Puke and Poop

Our weekend in Toronto:

1. Leave Ottawa at exactly 10:04 a.m Friday.
2. No traffic the entire five-hour trip. A first in the history of all our trips to Toronto. Awesome.
3. We see this:
4. And this:
5. And then there was baby puke, and mega crying.
6. We realize the baby is sick.
7. More baby puke.
8. More baby anguish and screams.
9. We realize the air mattress we brought along has a major hole in it. Not a good thing.
10. My arthritis decides to get extra nasty, with more backache than I've had in a long time.
11. Saturday, we go to the CN Tower and see this:
12. And this:
13. And this:
14. And then Dee looks like this:
15. And has to go to bed filled with Gravol, Advil and hugs.
16. And the baby lays an eight-inch floater in the bath.
17. More baby puke.
18. Em has a mega headache and goes to bed with lots of Advil. I go to bed with doses of medication so I can sleep through the arthritis pain.
19. Sunday brings us much more fun, minus any Valentine's Day celebrations, since Mr. Handsome was in Ottawa, and I was in Toronto.
20. Dee and his uncle and aunt go skating on an outdoor rink while Em and I babysit.
21. Gryphon pukes all over the hardwood.
22. And then baby goes to bed and pukes again.
23. Gryphon suddenly has a bout of diarrhea, some of which lands on the off-white carpet in the living area. Nice addition to the rather clean environment, I think.
24. I proceed to wipe the dog's ass for the next half hour because the diarrhea has not only gone down his legs, but also is stuck to his ass hair. We even use dish soap, which makes his ass very sparkly.
25. The baby pukes again, and this entails stripping his crib for the third time that night.
26. We go to bed, feeling weary and a bit under the weather. We pass it off as exhaustion.
27. Dee cries and moans all night long. He has a sore throat. I pop an Advil in his mouth.
28. Em coughs all night long. She's sick too.
29. Monday morning.
30. We're all sick.
31. We go home, where Mr. Handsome has prepared us a nice dinner.
32. No one wants to eat because we're all sick.
33. Mr. Handsome becomes disillusioned.
34. I email my sister-in-law for photos of me wiping the dog's ass so that I can publish them here. They have not yet arrived.
35. Em and I watch The Bachelor before we both fall into our respective beds, drugged into oblivion.
36. And a good, productive long weekend was had by all.
37. Please send chicken soup. Again.