How I Saved The Country

So, as I mentioned very briefly and selflessly the other day, I totally saved a school (and probably the entire country) from definite demise, and I am now waiting patiently by the phone for the city to call and offer me an award or maybe even the Order of Canada because I obviously totally deserve it. Although, I'm pretty sure the city doesn't give out the Order of Canada. Well, they should.

Let me explain.

The other evening, I suddenly became very enthusiastic about going for a walk. Mr. Handsome, Em and Dee looked at me like I had finally gone over the edge (because they know that is totally going to happen, it's not a question of "if", it's a question of "when"), so I had to tone down the enthusiasm a wee bit and repeat myself so that I made it clear that I was totally serious. Then Dee pipes up that he'd love to go for a walk with me, after first getting a small nod from Mr. Handsome that he'd probably be okay going alone with me.

So we hooked Gryphon up to his lead and off we went.

What started out as a simple walk soon turned into a veritable adventure, one with possible cataclysmic results had we not been at the right place and the right time.

As we walked down the street, Dee and I heard an alarm go off, sort of like a car alarm. We thought nothing of it at first because alarms go off all the time, which makes me wonder why they even exist in the first place because do we not all ignore them pretty much? Yeah, that's what I thought. Very useful invention, yo.

As we neared the school, we realized the alarm may not actually be a car alarm, but may instead be the school alarm. After some careful searching and listening, Dee and I both confirmed this was indeed not a car alarm. My brain's gears then started going into overdrive and I began worrying because the alarm could mean anything: a break-in, a fire, even an Al Qaeda invasion. After some more thought, I was 85.7% sure it was the Al Qaeda and more of their dastardly deeds. We already know they've been trying to invade our neighbourhood through their surreptitious pizza and cheesy bread delivery service.

So, I decided I had to do the right thing and get the po po involved. I pulled out my trusty cell phone and called 9-1-1, which made my heart beat fast and made me feel very important and useful, like Thomas The Tank Engine. At the same moment, Dee's eyes got very large and said, "Are you calling 9-1-1?! Oh my god, we're having an adventure!"

And then he refused to leave the area because he wanted to see all the action.

So, we waited. And waited. And waited some more. Gryphon was getting impatient, because he's not much for standing in one place and waiting. He's a dog. So, in order to placate him, Dee and I began walking back and forth in front of the school while we waited for the po po to arrive. Of course, I was totally looking forward to seeing the po po, the fire department, and maybe even some paramedics, because I'm all into the healthcare field now. No, it had nothing at all to do with watching hot men in uniform try to save lives. Is that what you guys think of me?!

And then, it happened. But we almost missed it because the po po were being very secretive and furtive because one car drove up very quietly and went around to the dark backside of the school, where they stopped. Then, another po po drove very cunningly through the back field, up through the children's playground, and stopped on the other side of the building, which then made me feel like we were in the middle of an Hawaii Five-O episode and at any moment Jack Lord would come running around in his suit and save the day, of course, after thanking me profusely for calling it in.

Let me explain the relevance of  Hawaii Five-O in this instance: it was warm out, and humiddy, and that's why. The only thing missing were palm trees, and the ocean, but you can't rightly expect those in Ottawa.

Dee and I remained at our post, waiting to see what would happen. I was sure they were going to either pull out a few nasty sorts from the bowels of the school, their hands full of wooden blocks and chalk, or there would be smoke that would finally start pouring out of at least one window, and the firefighters would be there in moments. Either way, awesome.

None of that happened.

I finally saw a police officer coming around from the back of the building. 'Poodle, here's your chance,' I said to myself.

So I waved my hand and said, "Hello there!" trying to get the officer's attention.

The officer kept walking, ignoring me.

So I waved again, and said more loudly, "Hellllo there! Can I talk to you?"

The officer finally looked over, and started coming toward us. And then I noticed it was not a male police officer, all muscley and full of promise. Nay. It was, instead, a cute female, her blonde hair pulled up into a tight pony tail. She was hot.

She came up to us and asked how she could help us. And then I didn't know what I wanted to say. Then Dee kicked me in the ankle and I stuttered, "Uhh, well, I'm the one who called this in. And, and..."

The po po nodded and said there didn't seem to be anything going on inside. Everything looked intact.

So then I scrambled to say something important, something that might make the difference between these ne'er-do-wells getting off scot-free, or getting caught, and hence me ultimately saving our neighbourhood from a certain invasion, or the school from an almost certain demise.

"Well, I saw three kids come out of the field there just after the alarm went off. I just thought you should know," I told her.

She nodded sagely and then said, "Thanks," and went on her way.

And that is how I saved a school, and most probably the entire city, maybe even the country, and why I am now waiting for my award.

The award I'm getting, and the words that will be on it.

I'll let y'all know when the call comes.


I'll be looking out for you on the news bulletins also at the awards ceromonies. Well done Mary,
Have you had a press conference yet?
I so love your blogs, there is always a hint of humour even when things are not going your way.

Take care.
Be very proud, Mary! How serendipitous, that you should want to go for a rare walk at the same time as this school caper. I'm sure the police lady was thinking about her paperwork, or she would have paid more attention to your detailed report. Dee must have been bursting with pride at your bravery thru the whole ordeal.
ReformingGeek said…
Um, wow! I bow to your awesomeness.

I will need you down here to stand guard, 'K?
Anonymous said…
It's okay if I breathe, eat, sleep and all until then? I shouldn't hold my breath, right?
Anonymous said…
Dang I thought you had participated in a hit!

But I'm glad you stopped an invasion!
Anonymous said…
Hi Mary, you are very brave which is unusual in a funny person. Or maybe I just speak for myself. I'm enjoying your blog. Thanks for finding mine! Chicken.
WarsawMommy said…

Any news?? Maybe the award will arrive in the mail?

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