Working Is Highly Overrated

Thank god I don't have a job I have to get up every morning and go to. Because if I did, I couldn't:

(1) wipe the kids' noses since they're both deathly ill with H1N1 or some other godawful disease that makes our house sound like a TB sanitorium of the 1930s.

(2) listen to the kids whine, each consecutively, so that it ends up being one long, continuous whine, from morning to night.

(3) listen to the kids fight with each other, both verbally and physically, when they are not busy whining or coughing.

(4) surf the Internet and find all sorts of interesting jobs, such as greeter for a one-day porn event that's coming to town.

(5) plan amazingly fun things for the kids to do every day because god forbid they have to plan their own fun and games, or actually do something like read, or use their imagination.

(6) tell the kids that I am not their event co-ordinator, nor their amusement director, and that they're sh*t out of luck if they think I really care that they're bored. And if I hear them say the word "bored" again, I'll give them something to do, and it begins with the words "cleaning the house".

(7) stay in my pajamas all day long, hair unbrushed, teeth unbrushed, and watch all the Ellen DeGeneres shows I missed while I was working.

(8) keep Gryphon company, and ensure that he not lick his paws, which are very red and inflamed and all icky from his licking and The Allergies that this poor, sensitive dog seems to get every damn year, causing us to pay out our nose to get him meds so that he stops licking his paws and causing himself great injury, pain and irritation.

(9) take the kids to their eleventy-hundred medical appointments that they seem to both have all of a sudden and all at once. No, I don't mind, no, not at all. Who, me? Nah, I'm just looking for a job. I have LOTS of time on my hands. Honest.

(10) take Gryphon to the vet so that I can pay $392 for a tiny vial of antihistamine and steroids so that he stops licking his paws and scratching his body because of The Allergies (see no. 8 above).

Gotta keep positive in this time of strife, I always say.