There's-No-Tomato-Soup-In-This Meatloaf

My meatloaf is going down in history as the absolute BEST meatloaf EVER MADE. Yes, I stand by that. I would love for you to try my meatloaf recipe and deny that to my face. I dare ya.

This is the story behind my meatloaf. When Mr. Handsome and I were just hanging out, mooning over each other, head-over-heels in smoochy woochy, I decided to make my mother's meatloaf to fully impress him and MAKE HIM MINE forever and ever. So, one day I announced that I was making him a dinner that he was sure to love. Mr. Handsome asked what I was making, and I told him: meatloaf. He grew pale and softly asked, "Are you sure?" I assured him he had never had a meatloaf like this one, and he trusted me. Thank god, because this meatloaf has gone down in the annals of the Moore household as THE BEST meatloaf ever.

This recipe is not for my veggie friends (sorry, Pickerel and Nancy Pants), but hey, sometimes you've just gotta have some REAL MEAT. But it COULD be for your friend, Mary, when you invite her over for dinner soon. Hint hint.

OK, this is what you need to make the best, absolutely most amazing meatloaf you've ever ever had or ever will have in your whole, entire, godforsaken life. Honest, cross my heart and hope to die.

What you need:

• 1.5 to 2 lbs. lean or extra lean ground beef, thawed
• 2 large eggs
• Worcestershire sauce, at least 1 tsp, better to have up to a tablespoon or even more if you dare
• 1 or 2 onions, chopped up
• as much garlic as you can stand
• a few sprinkles of bread crumbs (I sometimes use Italian breadcrumbs, but you don't have to)
• ketchup (lots and lots of it -- you'll see)

What you do:

You've got to make sure you've got all your ingredients, first of all. I've made that mistake many a time, and there's nothing worse than getting halfway through preparing a meal and finding out you haven't got a vital ingredient. Sucks. Believe me.

OK, so you take about a pound-and-a-half of lean hamburger meat, give or take. Depends how much meatloaf you want. The more the better, I always say.

Take a couple of large eggs...


You've got your onions...


your garlic...


Throw your ground beef into a big mixing bowl.


Add lots of Worcestershire sauce. I like more than just a little, probably about 2 TB for 2 lbs. of meat, I would hazard to guess, but don't take my word.


Break both eggs into the bowl.


Take out the shell that falls into the bowl along with the egg yolk and white. This ALWAYS happens to me, as I know it does to the best chefs in the world. Even Chef Gordon Ramsay. I know it.


You've got your onions...

So you chop 'em up. I don't chop them fine since I have arthritis and that's my excuse. I don't find it really matters in the grand scheme of things. I apologize for the fuzzy photo. My camera sucks.

Chop chop chop...

Then you take your garlic, the more the better, according to moi. You chops it up like so...

Add some freshly ground black pepper...

Please ignore the surrounding mess. I didn't bother cleaning up before doing this. I'm not going to sit here and pretend that, along with making THE BEST meatloaf in the world, I also keep a clean house.

Now you've got almost everything in the bowl, ready to mix up.

Start mixing. I use a big, strong fork, but you really could use anything you want, even your bare hands. I have this thing about getting my hands dirty, wet or anything, so I refuse to use my bare hands. I rarely even use lotion, that's how strange I am about my hands. Please forgive me.

Once you've mixed everything up nicely, pour in a bit of breadcrumbs to help solidify the meat mass. Not too much, or the flavour of the loaf dies. Just enough. I would say maybe 3 TBs maximum.

Mix 'er up some more, eh.

Then you're ready to pour the meat mixture into a loaf pan. So do so.

Once you've got all the meat in the loaf pan, spread it out evenly and push it down so that the loaf is more or less even in texture throughout, if you know what I mean.

Then comes the grand finale. The ketchup. Yes, that's right.

The more ketchup you pour on top of the loaf, the better. I put a good 1/4 inch on top of the entire loaf, so make sure you have lots on hand! I use Heinz and have never used any other kind, but whatever rocks your boat.

And voila! The end product!

You then throw it in the oven at 375 F for one hour. Make sure you're on the middle rack.

After an hour, turn the heat up to 425 F and let it cook for another 10 to 15 minutes.

Then you remove the meatloaf from the oven, let it sit for 10 min. or so to solidify and form a cohesive unit of amazing meatloafnicity...

...and there you have your amazing, out-of-the-world meatloaf that is sure to make you loads of friends. Sorry for the dirty oven top. Like I said, I didn't clean up before making this meatloaf. I'd had a bad day, was tired and having PMS-like symptoms, and really didn't feel like it. So sue me.

Enjoy your meatloaf! Please let me know if you've tried it, and how it turns out for you. It might take you a couple of tries to get it right (just like sex really), but I swear, you'll like it a whole lot.


There's-No-Tomato-Soup-In-This Meatloaf

What You Need:

• 1.5 to 2 lbs. lean or extra lean ground beef, thawed
• 2 large eggs
• Worcestershire sauce, at least 1 tsp, better to have up to a tablespoon or even more if you dare
• 1 or 2 onions, chopped up
• as much garlic as you can stand
• a few sprinkles of bread crumbs (I sometimes use Italian breadcrumbs, but you don't have to)
• ketchup (lots and lots of it -- you'll see)
  

What You Do

1. Take your ground beef and throw it into a big mixing bowl. I used the big metal one because it was the only clean bowl I could find.
2. Break 2 large eggs into the bowl with the meat.
3. Splatter in as much Worcestershire sauce as is legal in your part of town.
4. Chop up a couple of onions (I used 2 for 2 lbs. of ground beef) and throw them into the bowl.
5. Smash and chop as many garlic cloves as you dare. Throw those into the bowl as well.
6. Start mixing! Smush it all up with your fork or your hands.
7. When you've got it all mixed together and looking really gross, pour in a bit of breadcrumbs. Mix again.
8. Throw it all into an ungreased, preferably clean loaf pan.
9. Pour on a pile of ketchup. Mmmmmmm mmmmmmm! That's it. More. More. OK, that's about right. Make sure you've got it spread out evenly, covering all the meat.
10. Put it in a 375 F oven, middle rack for one hour.
11. Go put your feet up, read a book, watch "Dr. Phil" or yell at your kids for about half an hour before you have to make the rest of your meal to go along with your meatloaf. I usually serve it up with garlic mashed potatoes and some veggies.
12. After one hour, turn the heat up to about 425F for about 10 minutes or so.
13. Pull the loaf out and sit it on the counter/stove/rack/wherever for 10 minutes or so.
14. Serve and enjoy!
15. You're welcome!