I'm goin' downdowndown
I am going through a bit of a downward spiral these past few days. I've gone from feeling pretty damn good about myself and my achievements to feeling kind of like, "WTF EVER possessed me to even THINK I could be a goddammed paramedic?!!", except with many more swear words.
My emotions are all over the place, and although I kind of know this is just the way it is, it still sucks mightily.
I had a test pretty much every day last week, and I did pretty well in every one of them, except the last one, which was the only physical one. Of course. The one I knew would be the most challenging. At least my expectations are spot on. I had to do four lifts (as in, lifting actual people who have actual weight), and I had to do them using proper body mechanics (meaning, don't do anything stupid and hurt your back, stupid). I did two of them quite well, and two of them, not so much.
I get a second chance at the end of this week, but just the fact that I couldn't do what was expected of me has sent me into a downward spin so quick and unexpected that it scares me. Because, if this had happened to anyone else, I know what I would have said: "Get a life, hoser."
Actually, I would have probably put a "please" in there somewhere as well, because we Canadians are polite, eh.
So, I start this week with many self-doubts and worries, as well as time crunches because HOLY CRAP, EVERYTHING'S DUE AT THE SAME TIME AND I DON'T HAVE TIME TO DO EVEN HALF OF IT, AND I FEEL LIKE I'M GOING TO PROJECTILE PUKE, which some would say means I can obviously multi-task really well. Which is just a reminder to me to always look on the positive side.
If there's one thing that's obvious with this post, it's that I didn't get enough sleep this weekend.