Prayers And Illegal Drugs Would Be Most Welcome

There are but two three things on my mind right now.

Mr. Handsome has announced, rather quietly, that he is no longer reading my blog. Actually, he didn't so much announce it as he mentioned it under his breath in an almost inaudible way. Apparently, he finds my blog disgusting and inappropriate. He is ashamed, and he wants me to stop writing it.

Whatever, I say to him.

And then, I curled up in the fetal position and sucked my thumb until it was as flat as a pancake.

Seriously though ... WHAT. THE. HELLO KITTY??!! MY blog is "inappropriate"? MY blog? A little silly, maybe. Perhaps quite inane and ridiculous at times. I'll even go so far as to say that, at times, when I discuss certain bodily functions, maybe one could take that as being a bit too much information.

I see it more as part of everyone's everyday life. We all poop and pee and have sex. We all have either a vagina or a penis, or perhaps a combination of the two, or maybe a few of us wish we had what we don't actually have, and have to instead strap one on, or put on women's clothing. We just don't talk about it all the time.

I ask you, what is so wrong about actually talking about these things once in a while? I honestly think that's part of where this world is going oh so very wrong. We have become too sanitized in our daily lives, too concerned about what the neighbours will think, whose car is nicer, whether our kitchen floors are shiny and clean enough. My point is, who really gives a shit?

I know I don't.

Of course, Mr. Handsome would disagree, and he would say I SHOULD care. And when I would ask him why, he would either (a) not reply or (2) respond with a question, such as, "Why do you think we should care, Mary?" or better yet, "Why don't you care?"

When I started writing this blog back in October 2008, I had many reservations about what Mr. Handsome would think about it. I wasn't sure how much I should divulge about our private lives, what I should keep under wraps, what language I should or shouldn't use. I know Mr. Handsome too well, and I knew he would probably not like the whole idea. He's a very private person. So, I began the blog, and I didn't tell him for quite a while, because I wanted to write, I wanted to start a blog, and I was pretty sure I knew what his reaction would be.

And I was pretty much on the money, although it's taken a while to get to this point where he now apparently refuses to read it.

And you know what? I am pretty okay with it. I would much rather Mr. Handsome read my blog, enjoy it and have fun with it, but he can't, so I have to accept that. He's just not big on topics like yeast infections, ingrown vaginal hairs, and menstrual cramps. And although those topics are not at the top of the list of things I write about most often, they are there, and they will continue to be there. I can't write for him, or for anyone else. I have to write for myself.

So, there you have it. Another one bites the dust.What's one more disgusted and alienated family member, I say.

The other thing on my mind is that I am quite possibly going to have to take some high school night courses beginning in February, to get my high school biology and chemistry courses, since they are prerequisites for the college courses for which I'm thinking of registering. For both paramedic and nursing, they want these courses, as well as Grade 12 mathematics and Grade 12 English, both of which I have (I hope!). For god's sake, people, I'm 47 years old! I don't remember most of high school at this point.

So, as you read this sentence, I am probably at the school board office, ordering my high school records, and calling the college to find out if there is any other way of getting around having to have these prerequisites, in-between pulling my hair out and groaning softly to myself. Because, if I have to take these two courses, it means being in night school for four hours a night, four nights a week, from February until the end of May.

Guys, the only way this is going to happen is if I have my very own avatar. I don't do well after 2 p.m. My whole day ends then. The carriage turns into a pumpkin and I slowly sink into the ground, not to be seen or heard from until the next morning. Seriously. Any suggestions, including illegal drugs, would be greatlly appreciated right about now.

To end on a really happy note, we're spending some quality family time in a very cold hockey arena all weekend long because Dee is in a hockey tournament, and we'd rather do nothing else than sit by frozen water watching little children slash each other with sticks and elbows. Not only that,  my friends, but we have to travel an hour to get to this arena, which is situated in a little place called Spencerville, also known as The Devil's Cold Ass In Hell. 

Dee actually went to bed feeling really ill Thursday night, so if I squeeze my eyes shut really hard, and block out all positive thoughts, maybe he'll be too sick to play Saturday and we can just stay home instead and pick lint out of our navels. Please pray for me.


Anonymous said…
My wife doesn't read my blogs and I happy with that. Now I can talk about her, which I don't really do much.
As far as remembering High school stuff...I pulled a geometry or trig theory out the other day and I'm ten years older than you. Surprised me to no end. Sq of hypotenuse= sum of the sqs of the other sides in a right triangle. Take that Mr. Pinch or Mr. Powell, whoever taught me that.
Our blogs are for us, not who reads them.
Mary how can anyine think what you write offensive? personally I enjoy the way you write about the human functions of life.
That's what blogging is all about, putting one's innermost thoughts down on paper albiet by poetry or a straight diary form. Carry on blooging. Have a lovely week-end whatever you eventually end updoing. and yes I'll pray for you also.

Em said…
I'm sorry Mr. Handsome is boycotting.

But now you can really dish :-)

My hubs is not a massive supporter either. Extremely private as well. That's a tough match, and proof that opposites attract.

Praying for a good 24-hour flu ;-)
ReformingGeek said…
Most men cringe at the thought of female bodily functions. Your poor Hubby. ;-)

Oh, boy. Hockey. Cold. You are such a great mom!
Capital Mom said…
Well, if he isn't going to read it you can totally talk more about him. :-) Bonus.
CDP said…
I never talk or write about stuff like that just because I'm totally repressed, but I love when other people do. My husband doesn't read my blog either, though.
Sometimes you can take those two courses concurrently with the other program. Of course that means extra class time, homework time and pull your hair out time. I'll visualize a stuffy head cold for Dee, enough to not play hockey, but not enough for concern. My feet, too, will be frozen at a hockey rink both days. Alas, they would be frozen outside too, it's officially winter again here.
Scribe said…
I'm praying some good legal (and illegal - ssshhh!) drugs your way! And write on, 'cause I love it!

I wish The Man would stop reading the blog so I can dish on him!

Don't change for anyone, Mary! I love your forthright discussions of bodily functions, and I get a chance to practice my diagnostic skills when you're sick!
MarieA said…
It's a guy thing. My X-spousal unit always hated when I dished with the girls about *anything* he considered none of anyone's business. that would include sex - with or without him, the colour of his briefs, the size of his manhood among many things we girls think is run of the mill conversation. WHatEv! And he *never * really understood why women would spend hours with oodles of wine going on about their cycles, their vaginas and their sex lives ( which usually included the spousal unit)It could be why he is an X now. NOT at all implying anything about Mr H except his squeamishness and non interest in anything girly. He'll live and maybe start his own manly blog about whatever it he is into eh?

as long as you're okay with it and you are..
okay... so... now what can we talk about eh?
franzi said…
mr handsome is just taking a break. maybe he'll notice the quality of your blog after all. men are slow sometimes. ;-)

re math and science, i finished german high school in 2001 and when i look at the books i prepared my exams with, i have no clue how i did it back then. i remember bits and pieces but put together it doesn't make much sense. poof, there goes 12 years of school and torture. maybe when i have kids i get to re-learn that stuff.
coffeewithjulie said…
I'm so glad you visited my blog today because now I know all about yours -- and I love it! My hubby is all grumpy and dowdy about blogging and tweeting and all that too. But we can't let that rain on our parade, can we?

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