My Brain Has Exploded

Here I sit, brokenhearted. Paid a dime, only ... Wait! I sort of went off on a tangent there. What I MEANT to say was: Here I sit, brokenhearted, waiting for my intestines to stop cramping so that I can plan my day, seeing as I've spent the past three days prostrate on either the couch or an unmade bed, writhing in pain as I battle yet another migraine IN ADDITION to the continuing saga of the uncooperative abdominal cavity.

It's quite disconcerting, really, because you see, I have so much to do in the next couple of weeks that, when I think about it too much, I get all discombobulated (even more than usual) and I end up having a panic attack, which makes me have to lie down in the fetal position and suck my thumb while I watch The Duggars on 18 Kids and Counting over and over again.

It would really be enough to say that Christmas is just around the corner, and with that, all the stress. We here take the Christmas season very seriously. Let me just say that, without Christmas, our lives have no meaning. It's a grey, grey world out there without the promise of the Christmas season and all its glory. And for us, it's not about the gifts. It's about family and friends getting together, listening to jolly Christmas music, watching Christmas movies, and eating lots and lots of multi-orgasmic-creating food and baked goods. I also lovelovelove turning off all the lights, turning on the Christmas tree lights, and taking out my contact lenses and looking at the tree all blurry-like, because that just makes it that much more magical. Try it, you'll see what I mean. Better than drugs.

So, I haven't really even begun the Christmas shopping which, this year, is pretty much all my responsibility since I'm not working at the moment and Mr. Handsome is working more than any human should be able. I haven't even made my list of Christmas card people yet, and that in itself is making me shake with panic.

On top of all this -- yes, there's more! -- is that we're going to Disney World in December, and THERE IS SO MUCH TO DO THAT I HAD TO WRITE ALL OF THIS IN CAPS JUST SO THAT YOU UNDERSTAND THE FRIGHTENING MAGNITUDE OF IT ALL.

And, I still have to get my hair trimmed and highlighted so that I look all magnificent for Mickey.

Excuse me while I go put on some more antiperspirant and scrape my face off the floor.

And, of course, I'm pretty much in charge of getting the four of us ready for Disney World. Not that I'm complaining, but I guess I am, in a way. Sorry. It's just, when you have panic attacks at just the thought of having to go to the grocery store for some milk, having to plan a whole family trip AND Christmas kind of makes my entire brain go haywire, and all my synapses just kind of shut down, go KABLOOEY!, creating a Domino effect of sorts which, in turn, cause my guts to turn inside out, and henceforth and heretofore, my anus to tremble and, eventually, explode.

And our toilet is STILL broken.

I have to go lie down now.