It's hard to keep a blog going. God help me. I only do three posts a week, for god's sake. You'd think I'd be able to at least manage that. But nooooo, I can't. That's probably because I'm still on the toilet 20 times a day.
But, at the time of this writing, my explosive diarrheaic episodes seem to be waning. For the past two days, I'm down to about five explosions per day, which is a miracle of sorts, I'd have to say. Now, if I could only get the 15 nightly implosions that continue to barrage my insides as I try to sleep, I'd be one happy camper.
I'm not sure why I feel so stressed lately, but I know I am, because my fingertips are bloody. Apparently, I've adopted this relatively new habit of gnawing on them until all the skin is gone and all that's left is exposed, raw flesh. It even hurts to type, which, now that I think of it, may be why I've only been posting once a week.
I'm wondering if maybe it's because I'm a bit on the depressed side, and have not even the energy to get off my proverbial behind most days and write a little something, let alone brush my teeth. I have nothing to say, and I honestly don't want to burden anyone with my solemnity, so instead, I watch endless episodes of Brothers and Sisters and gnaw on my fingers.
Why are you sad, you ask? Why, you're going to Disney World in only a few weeks. You recently got a part-time job, and may soon be getting another job. Christmas is just around the corner! The best time of the year! You have a family that loves you, and a husband who adores you, your kids are both healthy and happy, and ...
The answer, of course, is, I don't know. I just am. And, while I'm at it, is it possible to feel sad and happy/satisfied at the same time? Because I can tell you that I feel like that a lot too. I won't blame you if you are now shaking your head and rolling your eyes and totally giving up on me.
There's no rhyme or reason to these feelings I have, it seems. They just are. I'm still thinking they're at least partially due to the hormones raging inside me, trying to figure out how to work this whole thing called peri-menopause. Because these feelings of sadness and anxiety are not the same as the sadness I've felt in the past. I can't really explain it. I just know it.
I will, however, try harder to keep up with my blog posts, because this blog saves me. I feel good when I write here, and it makes me feel better knowing that there are people out there who care, and who actually want to read me. So, to all of you, thank you so much.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some toes to gnaw.
Throwback to College – Graphic Design Then
5 weeks ago