Updates coming out the yazoo and every other orifice you might or might not have

So, my brother Adonis called me today, telling me I wasn't updating my blog enough and he felt he was losing touch with me, his only sister whom he loves more than life itself, and I then wanted to say well then why don't you pick up the damn phone and call me, but I didn't say that because it would sound kind of rude, and I am never rude to people, animals or even rocks, because rocks have rights too, guys.

I'm not really sure what Adonis meant by his pronouncement that I don't update my blog enough. I mean, I know I don't update it as often as I used to (before school happened, and since my life as I once knew it fell apart and I died and went to hell), but still, I can't just be expected to update this thing every single day, can I? Just in the hopes that someone is actually reading it, and actually cares what they're reading? As it stands, half of what I say here is pure bullshit anyway, so there you go.

However, I suppose I should be quite honoured that Adonis called me and gave me shit for not updating more often, because it means he cares, although he never said it, so maybe what he was actually trying to tell me is that he is bored at work and has nothing better to do than to read really bad writing.

OK, so here we go. Some updating, just for you, sweet Adonis ...

* Dee was very sick last week, all week long, and by Friday, he was so sick he was actually losing consciousness, so I had to run to the doctor with him because I didn't want to have to deal with him possibly losing control of his bowels if he actually passed out. Dee was put on antibiotics and is almost back to normal, whatever that is.

* Dee is going downhill skiing with his school today, and he's never been on downhill skis in his life, let alone going down a mountain on them. I'll let you know the results. Or I'll post the obit. Or both.

* Em is in the midst of finals this week, and she is stressed. I think.

* I got Em's iPod when she got a new one for Christmas. I have yet to use it, because although I whined about it for months beforehand, I apparently don't have enough time or urge to use it. And when I do, I forget. I also don't know how to turn it on.

* Mr. Handsome is going to Norway or Scandinavia, or somewhere like that, this summer for yet another conference thingy. Apparently. He may be having an affair, and I wouldn't blame him, because nordic women are usually very pretty. Unless they are named Olga and push trains.

* I am now studying Senior Biology, and have realized that I just lied because I haven't touched my books since Monday, and today's Thursday. I think.

* Gryphon is still on meds for arthritis and an ear infection. He is definitely responding to the arthritis meds, which makes me very happy. His ear is better, but it still stinks and makes me want to projectile vomit. You're welcome.

* Mr. Handsome and I snuck away yesterday afternoon and went to watch two movies back-to-back, and we didn't pay for either of them!!! Can you say AWESOME?! And yes, the kids know. We believe in grounding them in truth and honesty, except when you can easily sneak into a second theatre without even trying. Then, all bets are off, because if the theatre people doesn't care enough to watch for assholes like Mr. Handsome and me, then we don't care either. Or something like that.

* I am on a heart monitor thingy for the next two weeks because my cardiologist thinks I have a short-circuit in one area. I tried to tell him the short circuit was most probably in my brain, but he didn't let me talk. So, I now have electrodes hooked up to my boobs, and everytime my heart goes wonky and speeds up and pounds as if I'm running a marathon, when in fact I'm actually lying on the couch and drooling on the cushion, I'm supposed to push a little button on the monitor thingy, which then emits a very loud and nasty noise not unlike a small animal on heroin might sound, and then when I have a few of these recordings, I have to phone it into the heart institute. I'm almost bionic, guys. And I now realize a lot of that paragraph probably didn't make a lot of sense and was pretty much run-on. And I also realize I don't care because I have a heart condition and you all should feel really sorry for me and bake me cookies and things and bring them over. I like chocolate too.

* I got a new job that starts next week. It's very part-time, but that's a good thing, because that's all I can manage. Remember about three million years ago, I applied for a job at the library? Go here to read about it, if you have nothing better to do. (Umm, I just tried finding the post about applying for the library job, and I can't find it, and really don't feel like spending anymore time looking because I have to put the lasagna in the oven and have a nap, so you're on your own, guys.) Well, I finally got a call for it, when I'd given up all hope. And even better is that it's very close to my home, so I can basically just roll out of bed, pull on my pants, and be there in 10 minutes flat. And the bonus: no need to brush my teeth because I'm NOT ALLOWED TO TALK TO THE PUBLIC!! Awesome.

I think those are all the updates for now. I hope that's good enough for you, Adonis. If it isn't, start your own damn blog.


Anonymous said…
That was my brother's excuse for not calling - he kept track of our comings and goings via my blog - well, I deleted that blog, started a new one, to which he does not have the address and he STILL hasn't called me ...Pah!
Long time since I've visited. Been AWOL myself. I appreciate your catching me up on your life. Congrats on the part-time job and good luck with the heart thing. Always interesting, isn't it?
ReformingGeek said…
Um, good for Dee.

Poor Em and that stinky dog. ;-)

Those Viking women might eat your husband.

You're not allowed to talk to the public? That's my kind of job!
Megryansmom said…
My brother hasn't called me either and he owes $75 (american) Do your own damn Canadian conversion
bluntdelivery said…
the editor in me is here to tell you that you're missing a link where it says to go hear about how you tried to get a library job.

just saying. i got your back like that
bluntdelivery said…
mwahahahahahah. sike.

did i just annoy you though?

that was kind of the plan. i can just hear you over there going "read the next sentence you lazy bastard!!!"
meleah rebeccah said…
Okay, wow that's a lot of updates!

* Im glad Dee is doing better!

*Finals are stressful. Im routing for Em

*I sure hope Mr Handsome is NOT having an affair!

*Good luck studying Senior Biology! That sounds complicated!

*Happy to hear Gryphon is responding to the arthritis meeds.

*How wonderful that you and Mr Handsome had a chance to sneak away to the movies and got to see TWO of them for FREE!

*Um..sorry to hear about the heart monitor. That's scary stuff.

*Congrats on the new job! Having a 10 minute commute rocks!
HalfAsstic.com said…
I would pay someone BIG bucks to let me not have to talk to the public... or my family... or even the dogs.
I think I love your new job already.
Oh! and I'm not quite clever enough to work an ipod either. ;-)

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