Illness abounds

Things are going oh so smoothly here on the ranch. NOT.

So far this week (and it's only Wednesday, I think), we have one sick boy at home with what seems to be a bad virus that has so far attacked his abdominal region, his throat, his chest, and his joy for life. Dee is sad and sick.

We also have a sick Em, who isn't quite as ill as Dee because she is still able to go to school and get things done, but who has been sick with a cough/cold thing since about Christmas time.

Apparently there's a "thing" going around these here parts, creating havoc with waay too many people, most of whom seem to be in my house.

I have as yet to get sick, which is, in itself, a true miracle because I am usually the one who gets sick approximately thrice a week. I've been feeling a bit under the weather, but haven't really succumbed to any awful crap. Yet.

Although, now that I think of it, I am on antibiotics for a sinus infection, but I can't say it's awful, because it isn't. Yes, I've had rotten headaches pretty much every day and night since before Christmas, which makes it feel like the front of my head (which, I guess, would be my face) is about to explode all over the dining room table, but other than that, I've been okay.

Gryphon hasn't been lucky enough to avoid all the crud going around this house either. After $200 spent at the vet's yesterday, he is now on antibiotic ear drops for what the vet said is a rather nasty ear infection, as well as pills for what might be an arthritic hip. The vet made me feel like I was worse than a bad dog owner when he took a look in Gryphon's ear and started yanking out things that looked quite a bit like rotting flesh. While he removed the infected grossness, the vet would look up at me with a mixed look of consternation, anger and disgust. Apparently it's my fault the dog's ear is sick. Of course it is.

Giving Gryphon his meds is a joy entirely unto itself. First, with the ear drops. He's supposed to get three to five drops of this gunk into his ear once a day. It's my job to do it. So, being the saint that I am, I take charge, lifting his ear flap up to get good access to the ear canal. This in itself is not easy because Gryphon is a smart pup, and immediately shakes his head, which makes my hand (which is holding the bottle of gunk) fly up into the air and poke me right in the eye. Awesome.

I try again, holding Gryphon's sturdy snout deftly under my arm as I use one hand to lift up the ear flap, and use the other hand to quickly squeeze the drops in. It works! I let go of his snout, and Gryphon then happily proceeds to shake his head, resulting in big gobs of his medication flying quickly into the air and landing in my open mouth. It is then that I begin to wonder what I did to deserve this life.

Then it's time for his pain pill, which first has to be cut in half. It takes me 20 minutes to get the stupid pill out of the wrapper, because apparently I am not very smart or good with my hands, even with opposable thumbs. I finally figure it out, and proceed to place it on the counter to cut it with a very sharp steak knife. Dee sees me doing this and takes the knife away from me. He then presses on both sides of the pill, and it magically divides in half.

I try to give Gryphon the pill (apparently it's supposed to taste good to dogs, I've been told). He sniffs it, shakes his head, and looks at me, as if to say, "Dude, if you think you can fool me into thinking this is actually a treat, you can stab yourself with that stupid steak knife. Go ahead. I'll watch." So, I put a dab of peanut butter on it, because he loves that stuff, and stick it into his mouth. Gryphon licks and licks, his mouth moving, so I'm pretty sure I've succeeded. Then, he looks up at me, sticks his tongue out one final time, and the pill (sans peanut butter) drops out of his mouth and onto the kitchen floor. Nice. I then resort to tearing off a piece of bread, sticking the pill deep inside it, and covering the bread with peanut butter. Gryphon greedily takes this, eats the bread, and the pill once again drops to the floor. He's clearly taken lessons in pill-taking.

I finally got the pill down his throat, after two more bread camouflage tries.

It's going to be a long month, guys.


ReformingGeek said…
Boo that you have ill kiddos and a way-too-smart pup. Yay that you are hilarious in your story-telling!

I hope all is better soon.
meleah rebeccah said…
Oh Geez!

Mary, I sincerely hope everyone in your household [including the dog] gets better and SOON!!
nipplelicious said…
I feel your pain...literally as I too am on the horsepill antibiotics for the sinus infection that refuses to 12 year old just had a 24 hour bug, and the 13 year old hasn't been right since the 3 week flu from November..

I swear we're all weak now compared to our ancestors.. here's hoping you're all better soon and that my dog doesn't get it too..don't think I have the strength to wrestle a 5 year old blue heeler.. :)

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