Eviscerations To The Yin Yang

If it wasn't bad enough that I had a wee eyeball issue last week, as well as a major toothache that is still rearing its ugly head with pain, I came home today to dog crap on our living room carpet. Five nicely-shaped nuggets of the canine variety, more specifically, poodle-like.

Oh, yeah. And no one saw it until I came home. Strange coincidence. 

Guess who picked up the chocolate bananas? Yup. While I wore my paramedic uniform, no less. That's how brave a medic I am.

In addition to the rather large Tootsie rolls on the carpet, this week also brings a megaload of tests. I had one today to make up for the one I missed last week because of my stupid eyeball. I have one tomorrow that should be fine, and is supposed to be written, although the teacher's definition of "written" isn't written at all. More like fill in the blanks and match some words and definitions. Wednesday brings us a test on the male reproductive system, and we all know what that means. Lots of laughter and snickering as the teacher (just picture Mr. Rogers) dictates words such as "ejaculation", "penile thrust", and "priapice". I can hardly wait.

The biggest test takes place Friday, where we have five different stations set up and we have to go in blindly and diagnose and treat each "patient" at each station, who will be presented to us with some kind of soft tissue injury. I'm thinking a loose eyeball, a poor lad with his guts on the outside, and possibly an arterial bleed that just won't stop. Awesome.

Come on, now. You wish you were me. Just admit it.