Did you know a dog's nose is REALLY cold when it ends up in your rectum? Me neither.


Holy crap, guys! Our various plumbing issues have gone down the tube, pun TOTALLY intended. 

Umm, I guess that didn't really make sense the way I wanted it to, and all because I was so hell-bent on using silly puns to make you all giggle, or at least chortle a bit. I am so mature.

So, what I meant was that our plumbing has been fixed, and we can once again wash our dirty laundry, bathe, and not worry about slime-infested water pouring all over our basement floor every time. Awesome.

As I write this, I am sitting in a warm puddle of extreme nausea, brought on by I-don't-know-what-but-I-want-to-maim-it. I even took anti-emetics, and all they did was make me so drowsy I can barel

Hey! I'm back! Nope, didn't nap. Just kind of fell over in a complete stupor, drool sliding out of the corner of my forever-open mouth...I still feel like crap, but no one really cares, so I'll stop talking about it. Instead, I'll just curl up in the fetal position and think about how the world hates me. Thanks a lot.

I was going to make a camping stew (which I make every year --- YAWN!) today, but I couldn't even bear the thought of smelling it as it cooked slowly all day long. Yeah, I'm THAT nauseated. And no, I'm not pregnant. I just look that way.

Speaking of the gym, which I am now trying to get to every single day (because I am old and need to get into shape before I die; and because I have physical requirements for paramedic school, so I'd better get my ass in gear) ... I got my fat measured, and almost had a cardiac arrest when the trainer showed me my results. Guys, I'm made up of almost 40% fat. Yeah, as in 50 pounds of pure bovine, roly-poly, thickset, elephantine corpulence. Uggggh. What.The.Hell, perimenopause? Must you assault me with this insult IN ADDITION TO the continuous hot flashes, body sweats and accompanying odour, drowning fatigue and tumultuous emotions? What are you, a family member???? And yes, that deserved four question marks. Here's another one -- ? -- because four clearly weren't enough.

Great, and now you know how much I weigh as well. Well, lucky for me, I'm 6 feet 10 inches tall, so I'm actually very sleek and skinny, except for the tire around my paunch. Ahem.

So, as you can probably figure from this rambling, nonsensical post, things are slowly coming together for our camping trip. The kids are getting more excited; the dog knows something's up, so he follows me EVERYWHERE and when I stop too suddenly, his cold, wet nose goes up my rectum; Mr. Handsome is working very very hard to get everything done at work before we're suppposed to leave; and I'm going to bed.

Comments

Summer said…
That's 40% of good snugglin'. That's what I tell MYSELF anyway. :)
ReformingGeek said…
YIKES! I hope all is well, soon.

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