Crying myself a stupid river of senseless sadness, goddammit
My hormonal ebbs and flows are slowly, but surely, killing me.
If it's not a major migraine that lasts for what seems half a century, then it's uterine cramps that remind me why I will never have another child of my own, and when it's not one of those two things, my emotions are screaming inside my head and it feels like my brain is eating itself.
And, what makes all this even better is that -- YES!! -- my perimenopausal decrepitude might last 10 years! And then I will shrivel up and die. Awesome.
Here's but one example of my utter irrationality during this time in my life. I am sure Mr. Handsome could throw out about 3.478 more examples just off the top of his pointy head, but he's still busy trying to rip the duct tape off his mouth.
We were supposed to go to the movies on Wednesday, and I got all excited because we don't just go to the movies every day or anything, and I was also really looking forward to buying popcorn and putting loads of cholesterol-laden "butter" on it, and then belching uncontrollably in Mr. Handsome's face, making him swear, but in a loving way.
Instead, I sat on the couch watching a stupid poker game while Mr. Handsome sat beside me, snoring. As in asleep. As in, holding on tightly to the remote, so that I couldn't even change the channel.
So, instead of waking him up with a swift kick to the epiglottis, I started my pity party. I went upstairs, crawled into bed, and read one of the "Pretty Little Liars" books (I think I'm on the third book, but it's really hard to tell seeing as they're all pretty much the same damn thing over and over and over and...), and then I had a big ugly cry and went to sleep. I didn't even bid my husband good night, but instead, blamed him for the lack of excitement in my week.
Yes, I admit it. I can be a big loser. The biggest.
But really, I had no control over the whole emotional disaster that unfolded in my head. It just happened. Kind of like when you're out walking the dog in the middle of the woods, and you suddenly have to have a dump, and there's no waiting and "holding it in" because the prairie dog is comin' outta that hole whether you like it or not. Yeah, THAT kind of lack of control.
So, such has been my life over the past while. I'm fine, and then, not so fine. I'm sure this too shall pass, but I'm really hoping the passage happens much sooner than later.
On a brighter note, as you read this, I'm on my way to pick up Dee, who's been at camp an hour away for the past week. I've been missing the little man, so it will be great to see him again. It will be even better to get him into the shower, since I'm pretty sure he'll have maybe had one the entire week (and that's a big maybe).
And on an even brighter note, I am now officially registered for the paramedic program in college. I got my final mark for my chemistry course (one of the pre-requisites I needed in order to get into the program), and I passed, guys! I did even better than pass! I got 87%, which is about 37% better than I thought I might do. So, I guess I have a bit of chemical know-how after all. Will wonders never cease?
Maybe I should get a degree in chemistry? After becoming a paramedic, that is.