Crying myself a stupid river of senseless sadness, goddammit

My hormonal ebbs and flows are slowly, but surely, killing me.

If it's not a major migraine that lasts for what seems half a century, then it's uterine cramps that remind me why I will never have another child of my own, and when it's not one of those two things, my emotions are screaming inside my head and it feels like my brain is eating itself.

And, what makes all this even better is that -- YES!! -- my perimenopausal decrepitude might last 10 years! And then I will shrivel up and die. Awesome.

Here's but one example of my utter irrationality during this time in my life. I am sure Mr. Handsome could throw out about 3.478 more examples just off the top of his pointy head, but he's still busy trying to rip the duct tape off his mouth.

We were supposed to go to the movies on Wednesday, and I got all excited because we don't just go to the movies every day or anything, and I was also really looking forward to buying popcorn and putting loads of cholesterol-laden "butter" on it, and then belching uncontrollably in Mr. Handsome's face, making him swear, but in a loving way.
Instead, I sat on the couch watching a stupid poker game while Mr. Handsome sat beside me, snoring. As in asleep. As in, holding on tightly to the remote, so that I couldn't even change the channel.

So, instead of waking him up with a swift kick to the epiglottis, I started my pity party. I went upstairs, crawled into bed, and read one of the "Pretty Little Liars" books (I think I'm on the third book, but it's really hard to tell seeing as they're all pretty much the same damn thing over and over and over and...), and then I had a big ugly cry and went to sleep. I didn't even bid my husband good night, but instead, blamed him for the lack of excitement in my week.

Yes, I admit it. I can be a big loser. The biggest.

But really, I had no control over the whole emotional disaster that unfolded in my head. It just happened. Kind of like when you're out walking the dog in the middle of the woods, and you suddenly have to have a dump, and there's no waiting and "holding it in" because the prairie dog is comin' outta that hole whether you like it or not. Yeah, THAT kind of lack of control.

So, such has been my life over the past while. I'm fine, and then, not so fine. I'm sure this too shall pass, but I'm really hoping the passage happens much sooner than later.

On a brighter note, as you read this, I'm on my way to pick up Dee, who's been at camp an hour away for the past week. I've been missing the little man, so it will be great to see him again. It will be even better to get him into the shower, since I'm pretty sure he'll have maybe had one the entire week (and that's a big maybe).

And on an even brighter note, I am now officially registered for the paramedic program in college. I got my final mark for my chemistry course (one of the pre-requisites I needed in order to get into the program), and I passed, guys! I did even better than pass! I got 87%, which is about 37% better than I thought I might do. So, I guess I have a bit of chemical know-how after all. Will wonders never cease?

Maybe I should get a degree in chemistry? After becoming a paramedic, that is.


RiverPoet said…
LOL! Mary I needed this today. I'm glad I'm not the only hormonal mess in the blog-o-sphere. I'm so sick of hot flashes I could throw up. I was standing at the counter to register at the lab yesterday, and I swear I had sweat dripping off the back of my hair. I used to wonder why middle-aged women always cut their hair. I no longer wonder that. In my fits of inexplicable heat, I have the urge to do a Brittney Spears with the dog clippers.


Congratulations on getting into the paramedic program and on passing (and excelling at) the chemistry class!

Peace - D
CaJoh said…
So sorry to hear that your plans were thwarted by a sleeping man. How much does he owe you now (or is he now sleeping in the dog house?)

Congratulations on being registered for the paramedic program. Sounds like you are well on your way to redefining yourself.
ReformingGeek said…
Congrats on the Chemistry. The exam, not the relationship with Peri. You are whizzing your way forward, hormones be damned, and I'm so proud of you!

Word verification: dismstwi

Dismal? Dimwit?
MarieA said…
WOw Mary! You're going to be "uniformed personnel driving a fast car saving lives!" double wow.
Good for you.
And .... so sorry to hear about the migraine ruining your fun. Hang in there....
meleah rebeccah said…
Sometimes a good cry like that is just what the doctor ordered!
DavidShag said…
Hey - I am having these inexplicable bouts of blues and I'm a guy. What's up with that? Good on you for the good Chem results - the only way I got past Chem in high chool was by copying about 50 experiment results from a friend's homework - I am months away from my 50th reunion and my Chem teachier will be there - should I confess?

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