Thursday, December 31, 2009

More Happy Photos, Happy New Year Wishes, And Maybe Even A Hangover Remedy

Another year has left us, yet another decade disappears into our memories. It's hard to believe.

This year, 2009, was a hard year for me. More difficult than many have been. I still haven't quite figured out why, but it definitely has been, what with unemployment, a job from hell that I still have nightmares about, my  mother dying, psychological warfare going on in my brain, and illness coming out my ears.

It's also been a wonderful year, where I've been reminded on an almost daily basis that I have family and friends who love me unconditionally, a husband who drives me crazy but is also so much more than I deserve, wonderful children who take me for who I am, both good and not so good, a warm home, food, music, and lots of love.

Here's to a better year for all of us in 2010, with less war and worries, more happiness, and as many Cheezies as we want! I also want to thank all my readers and friends who make this blog what it is. I'm working on making this place bigger and better, but it takes a lot of energy and brain, both of which I am lacking lately. But, thanks to all of you, I'm still here.

Now, to celebrate, some more happy pictures from our Florida trip. Enjoy! See you next year!

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Fireworks, Ice Storms And Some Awesomely Cool Photos To Turn Your Crank

We had fireworks here Monday night. A sight to behold. Beautiful, in fact.

Now, before your dirty little birds' minds go totally into the gutter, let me explain. Mr. Handsome and I were innocently sitting on the couch, watching a show about pregnant people in peril (what else?!), when suddenly a very bright and shiny blue light flashed before our eyes on the street in front of us, and seemed to move across, toward the main street.

I was sure it was yet another plow coming to push snow and ice in front of our laneway once again, forcing us to push Dee out the door into the cold to shovel (he has to do something to earn his keep). Mr. Handsome, on the other hand, was positive it was an alien. Of course it was.

The flashing blue light continued happening on and off for the next 29 minutes, with either myself or Mr. Handsome running to the window to check it out everytime it would appear. But, alas, we could not for the life of us figure out what the hell it was. There was no plow on the road. Nay, not even a noise could be heard. I was starting to think that maybe Mr. Handsome was correct in his assertion that this was, indeed, an alien, and that we were about to be sucked up into the guts of a cool blue spaceship and meet some freaky beings who would stick hot pokers under our eyelids and feed us galactical ice cream or something.

And then, Mr. Handsome exclaimed, "Holy crap! Look at those fireworks! And the flames!"

Which, of course, got me jumping over to the window in nano-seconds because where there are flames, there are firefighters. Need I say more?

Well, there were no firefighters, but what there was was some awesome and electrifying entertainment, thanks to some power lines and some tree branches that finally gave up the ghost, due to the ice storm that blew through here the other day. Apparently, our fair city got the worst of the storm, a full 13 hours of blustery cold ice raining down on our trees, bushes and little furry animals. Yes, everything was indeed beautiful, but the havoc it wreaked. Not like the ice storm of 1998, but bad enough, with thousands of people going without power for days. I remember the ice storm of 1998 very well, because I was then VERY pregnant with Dee, and had decided that, if I went into labour and we couldn't make it to the hospital because of all the downed trees and power lines in the city, I would keep my legs crossed tightly and just pretend I was having very bad indigestion. The power of the mind is awesome, guys.

Anyway, soon enough, a hydro man dressed in an orange jumpsuit came by and apparently fixed the fireworks, because they soon stopped, much to my chagrin because I'm always up for some excitement. It's been kind of boring around here, with me being sick as a horse's hemorrhoid. And as I sit here writing this, my mind wanders and I wonder if that orange-suited hydro worker was not actually a person who had just broken out of prison and was on the run, and only pretending to be a hydro worker, because that orange suit sure looked a lot like jail garb, if you ask me. But then, I guess working at midnight in minus-30-degree weather is pretty much akin to being in jail, isn't it.

And now, as I promised you in my last post, some amazing, titillating photos from our super duper holiday in Florida! Now, as you view these photos, just remember that I have yet to figure the whole Photoshop thing out, which obviously means I am VERY blonde and totally inept in every way imaginable. Also, please remember that I got sick halfway through this vacation, so please don't get all jealous and envious and roll your eyes as you see beautiful palm trees, sunshine, and people frolicking in outdoor pools, because remember, I was very, very, very sick, and did not enjoy myself anywhere near as much as I could have. Okay, thanks.

Some very cool clouds on our way to Orlando. They were like furrows in the ground, but, of course, they weren't in the ground, they were in the air, which made them only that much cooler.

A shot inside the airplane, in which I show off the fact that I had more legroom than even a giraffe needs. I was beyond happy, and amazed that these airline people actually trusted me to be responsible enough to deal with an exit door.

The official Christmas tree at the entrance to Animal Kingdom on our first day at Disney World.

Dee about to be eaten by a triceratops. I miss him.

Dee and I taking a wee spin. Fun times.

This is a bat. A very cool, very tired bat. I want to be this bat when I grow up.

Flowers in December.

This is a Baobab tree that, in itself, is amazing. It's also called an Upside Down Tree, because its branches look like roots. What I thought was even better were the crows sitting amongst its branches. Sort of Edgar Allan Poe-like, if you follow my drift.

A smiling antelope-like animal that isn't an antelope, but close enough. He was a friendly chap.

More photos tomorrow, folks!

Monday, December 28, 2009

Lube And Filter Change Needed

Ahhh, Christmas. My most favourite time of the year.

This year, however, things were a little different, thanks to my flu that is still hanging on tight and giving me continuous grief morning, noon and night, AND our trip to Florida, which somehow mixed my head all up and made me think it wasn't Christmas (I mean, you can't have Christmas and palm trees at the same time, right?), so then suddenly I wasn't in the Christmas spirit anymore, and everything seemed surreal, like I was in a modern version of It's A Wonderful, Wonderful Life.

This year Christmas was more of a challenge than usual because I was pretty much bed-bound until Dec. 23, when I forced myself to run a brush through my hair and head out into the throngs of crazy people to get the last of what was needed for the holidays. Of course, I overdid it that day, because on Christmas Eve, I felt like crap, more than usual. My fever came back, I felt weak, and I had to lie down every few minutes. That'll teach me to actually put effort into something.

Apart from a nose that is still running like a broken faucet, and a cough that is still keeping me up all night, despite the mega doses of numerous mostly legal medications, I still rather enjoyed myself this holiday, especially watching the kids open their gifts. To me, that's the best part of it all. That, and the copious amounts of baked goods, but since I have no working tastebuds at the moment, I'm not even looking at cookies or chocolates. Not looking at them, but I didn't say I wasn't eating them.

So, we had a very nice dinner Christmas day, with most of the family staying very far away from me, Em and Mr. Handsome since we all had various versions of The Plague. They almost canceled Christmas dinner altogether, but Mr. Handsome convinced them that doing so would be a very, very, very bad decision.

And this is the first year that I believe I only ate maybe half my dinner. HALF MY DINNER! And, when I say "dinner", I mean perfectly roasted turkey, beautifully mashed potatoes, turnip, parsnips, carrots, Brussels sprouts, amazing stuffing, and the best gravy this side of the ocean. Now, the question is, did I only eat half because I'm still sick? Or is it because I still cannot taste or smell anything and, therefore, only ate what my body required, and not what my nose and tongue wanted to stuff down my gullet? Probably a little of both, knowing me.

Apart from Christmas day, I have laid low, lying on the couch or in bed for the most part, staying away from all semblance of anything living, ingesting many pills and liquids, and watching reruns of Dog, The Bounty Hunter until it's coming out my hummahumma. I do think I'm getting better, but man, could things please speed up a bit? I'm getting sick and tired of being sick and tired. I haven't seen any family or friends for forever, I am just starting to be able to speak again without having a major coughing and vomiting fit, and really just want to feel well enough so that I can try out my new camera lens from darling Mr. Handsome (who spent waaay more than he should have, and  now probably expects lots of 'favours', IF you know what I mean) and be able to taste the amazing chocolate bark Em made for everyone.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go lie down again in the fetal position and suck my thumb while stuffing tissues up both nostrils, and watch the snow fall outside. I promise you some Florida photos next post, unless I end up unconscious, in which case please pray that I have a hunk for my attending physician, and that I am ultimately conscious and alive enough to notice and care.

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Ho Ho Ho And A Bottle Of Rum!

I realize this is a day late, but my motto is "Better late than never!", so ...

Here's hoping everyone's had a wonderfully Merry and Cheery Christmas, full of family, friends, hot toddies, nibblies, and Uncle Festus.

I'll be back Monday with more of a recap of our festivities. I just need some time to clear out my sinuses for the umpteenth time.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

And On The Seventh Day, She Rose From The Dead

Well, so, it's like two days until Christmas. In case you were wondering.

And I'm here, back home, still sick as the sickest dog in town. And my "g" key doesn't work on this damn laptop all of a sudden, which just makes things seem all that much worse. Which, of course, they are.

At least I can now hold my head up off the pillow for more than 20 seconds at a time, and can actually respond coherently to some questions! Yes! I mean, that doesn't even happen on most of my really good days! Just ask Mr. Handsome.

So, we had an amazingly wonderful, rich, happy-filled and lovely trip to Orlando, even if it was cut short one day thanks to a blizzard that made its way through Ontario Dec. 9.

I won't post photos today because I'm not well enough to put that much effort into anything yet, but I promise I will. And let me tell you, I love my Canon EOS DSLR like it was my child. I still don't know how to use it for the most part, but I'm learning, and our Disney trip was a great opportunity for just that, and I can't wait to show you some of the stuff I actually did all by myself!

So, now that we're back home, and I'm beginning to finally feel alive again, after a whole week of lying at death's door, and actually wondering at more than one point whether I should just lie in bed with my hands clasped over an imaginary rosary because that's exactly how I felt, it's time to get the rest of this thing called Christmas done. Luckily, I got a good chunk of it done before we left on our trip, so good for me. Yay. Now, I just need to finish up some shopping, get the last of the Christmas cards done (the ones that don't need to actually be mailed), and get everything wrapped. Oh, and we have to decorate the tree, because at the moment, it looks like this:

and usually it looks more like this:

but at least we got a tree, and by "we", I mean everyone but me, because I was still waaay too ill to do much but try to open one eyelid once an hour, just to keep my muscles limber.

And, although I'm starting to feel better, I'm still really sick, guys. As in, I can go to the stove, turn on the burner to heat up some water for tea, and then walk back to the couch so that I can lie down again to catch my breath. This flu has knocked me for a loop, my friends. I don't even remember the last time I had a virus this virulent, this potent, this annoying, that has attacked every single fiber of my being in such a violent manner. This is how sick I've been: I didn't even WANT to watch any Duggar shows.

I'm hoping today I'm able to actually get out for an hour or so and get a pile of stuff done, because if nothing else, that will definitely make me feel better. I should probably pack a portable hammock with me though, so that I can set it up and lie down when the whim hits me, as it will. And probably take my kids with me so they can knock me upside my head when I fall over, although that would sort of defeat the whole purpose of my going out in the first place, since a lot of what I still have to do involves gifts for them. I guess I'm just hoping those little elves actually do some work this year FOR ME and help me out, because I NEED IT!

Now, all I want for Christmas is to feel well enough to be able to actually enjoy myself, not infect every single person around me, and a "g" key.

Monday, December 21, 2009


Have not been able to post.

Too sick.

Will write again when can keep head up for more than 10 seconds.

Please send chicken soup ... and Kleenex.

Friday, December 18, 2009

Bad Weather And Bad Health Follow Us

Short and sweet, that's how I like it.

We're still in Florida, having a great time.

Except for the fact that I seem to have come down with a very nasty sore throat and cough ... in a city where the temperatures have been record highs. What did I do to deserve this, I ask? And yes, I know viruses have nothing to do with air temperature, but I thought it was a poignant point just the same.

Yesterday, I told myself I was not going to succumb to the illness. I was going to Universal Studios and Islands of Adventure if it killed me, because we don't just amble on down to Orlando every day, and I wasn't leaving without doing the Hulk Coaster at least once, conscious or un-.

Well, I did the Hulk twice, and would have gone on a third time had my partner in crime (also known as Em) been willing. She, unfortunately, had a headache, so we decided to bow out of a third turn. Of course, the only way I could do the coaster, or any other ride that day, was by taking lots and lots of pills. I still felt like crap, and whined more than usual, but I got through the day, and that's what matters. Seriously, folks, what choice did I really have?

Today, we were planning on going to Magic Kingdom one more time, but the weather doesn't sound too conducive to doing anything but sitting inside. They're actually telling people not to go out because there might be tornadoes coming through. Yes, I said tornadoes. Last time we were here (four years ago), we ended up getting back home a day late because Hurricane Wilma decided to come through.

We plan things really well.

I'm going to go lie down now and hope that the burning feeling I'm getting through my face is not in fact a raging fever. Next time you hear from me, I'll be back home, safe in my own bed, moaning quietly to myself as I lie in the fetal position and make mental lists of all the things I still have to do before Christmas.

Wish me luck, and please send me chicken soup.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

No Words Needed

Having the time of our lives.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

We're Here, And We're Enjoying It, Dammit!

Well, we made it! And in one piece, despite our flight being a day late and having to travel for about 10 minutes over the Atlantic Ocean.

We made it, and we're having a blast. Unfortunately, I'm in mega pain, extra special thanks to my wonderful arthritis, so this post will be short. I had planned on uploading a really beautiful photo I had taken last night of Cinderella's castle at the Magic Kingdom, but this hotel's internet connection sucks the big kahuna. Seeing as it's "free", however, I won't complain, although I think I just did.

Suffice it to say we're having a wonderful time so far. The weather here in Orlando has been nothing short of perfect. Lots of threats of rain, but none to speak of in actuality. We have a two-bedroom suite so that we can lock up the children when they get on our nerves and have some peace and quiet, and for the most part, it's working real well! I would highly recommend this tactic to everyone reading this. What you spend for a two-bedroom suite, you definitely save in nerves!

The only things that are the least bit despairing are Mr. Handsome's and my various pains and aches that are causing us some problems, and the fact that the kids seem to think that the word "vacation" actually means "we're allowed to be rude and nasty to one another and have one stupid fight after another for no reason other than to aggravate our wonderful parents, who have spent A LOT OF MONEY to take us on this vacation".

I think there's going to be a nice dictionary under the tree for them this Christmas.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Stupid Snowstorms

I knew it. This is an "I told you so" moment if there ever was one.

Because when Mr. Handsome was booking our vacation to Florida a couple of months ago, I told him we should leave on Tuesday, not Wednesday. Call it a gut instinct. Call it kizmet. Call it woman's intuition.

But no, Mr. Handsome didn't book our flight for Tuesday. He booked it for Wednesday. And now, this ...

Our flight to Florida has been canceled, due to the wonderful Blizzard of 2009 that Ontario is currently experiencing. Sucks to be us.

Mr. Handsome is on the phone trying to get some more information, just like 3 million other Ontarians who had flights booked. He could be on hold all day.

Meanwhile, I've sent the kids to their respective rooms, because now they're all cranky and, as a result, are killing each other and screaming nastiness, and my ears are too virginal for such things. And Gryphon, who we've been gearing up to go to Grandma Camp, is now at a loss and is wandering through the house all forlorn and confused.

More news as it becomes available. Stay tuned.

Monday, December 7, 2009

Thank God I Am Immortal

I spent the better part of the weekend in one freezing hockey arena or another, and then I died because I couldn't warm up.

But thank god I am immortal, because I had to come back to life and go back to yet another arena on Sunday so that Dee and his team could play in the finals of this tournament they had signed up for.

They came in second place, which should actually have been first, seeing as the team they were up against were so much better than Dee's team that even a blind man high on Mai Tais could have seen that. And what I mean by that is that, whereas Dee's team is C level and very good for C level, this team should have been labeled AA, as in WAAAAAAY better.And they were from North Bay, which is a rather smallish city way up in northern Ontario, and they probably only have one hockey team, and the only thing they probably do up there is play hockey. Because chances are they don't even have electricity.

So, I guess what I'm saying is I'm sort of a hockey mom, and I wanted my son's team to win, and they didn't. They were pulverized. But they got an awesome trophy, that looked something like this:

although what they should have got (if you go by the amount of sweat and hard work these kids produced) looks something like this:

But, as we all know, size isn't everything. You're welcome, Mr. Handsome.

So, now that that is over, I have two more days in which to finish washing clothing, pack said clothing, buy odds and ends, and get all our acts together because we leave for Florida on Wednesday. And just in time because the snow, she's a-here.

It's suddenly turned blustery cold here, with promises of 40 centimetres of snow later this week. And WE WON'T BE HERE, because we will be in the warm sunshiny state of FLOREEEEDA, basking by the hotel pool, and drinking vodka and cranberry, and saying hello to Mickey Mouse and Goofy.

Talk about AWESOME timing!

That is, as long as the snow and ice and coldness doesn't happen upon us as we board the plane, in which case, I need another refill on my Valium because if there's one thing that makes me very very nervous, it's ice on a plane's wings. I know that the de-icing machine is all just a big ruse to calm passengers' nerves, because I still see the ice on the wings after the de-icer has gone. Yes, I do.

The other thing I'm worrying about is that Mr. Handsome's momma can make it through the snowdrifts that is otherwise known as the road on which we live to feed our guinea pigs while we're basking in the warm sun. She has some issues with walking, especially in ice and snow, so I'm thinking I'll lend her my skis, just in case.

Thoughts of this trip also excite me because our hotel has FREE wireless internet, which means I'm taking my laptop and I'm hoping to continue blogging from Florida about all our amazing and exciting adventures. And hold on to your panties, folks, because, not only that, but I also invested in a Gorillapod and a remote for my Canon XSi, which means you may even get to see some stunning photos that actually have me in them for a change. What normally happens is, because I take the majority of the photos, I'm never in them. Which, as we all know, is totally unacceptable, because what is a photo's worth if I'm not in it?

Which may actually be a blessing in disguise, now that I think of it, seeing as this weekend, I showed the kids a picture of me at my high school graduation, and their reaction was, first, silence with mouths wide open, and second, Dee exclaiming, "Oh.My.God."

Enough said.

I realize this post is a bit of a jumble, but sometimes that's just how I roll. Especially when my brain is on fire because I am in the midst of about eleventy things at once, and I can't handle more than one thing at once at the best of times, so just try and imagine how stressed I must feel and don't you feel so sorry for me now?

Friday, December 4, 2009

Looking On The Bright Side

Well, I'm slowly getting ready for Florida. Slowly, I say, because that accurately describes the speed by which I am preparing my family for this trip. I can't seem to move any faster, no matter what I do. The tortoise passed me long ago this time around, I'm afraid.

The other day, I had full intentions of getting up, having a quick coffee, and getting to work, as in gather up all the clothing needed for our trip, pull out suitcases, make lists, buy medication. You know the drill. Because, guys! We leave for Florida next Wednesday, and as I keep reminding myself, I AM FULLY RESPONSIBLE FOR GETTING THIS ENTIRE FAMILY READY. Which is just not my style. I mean, that's why I got married and had kids, so that I'd have people who could do the work FOR me.

Instead, I lay on the couch all day long popping extra strength Tylenols, codeine and Gravol because I had woken up with yet another god-forsaken migraine that just would not budge. My head felt like a homely construction worker had come and jackhammered his way through my brain while smoking a rancid cigarello and screaming profanities in Italian. Yet another day down the proverbial drain. It might not have been half bad had the construction worker been whistle-worthy.

But I'm always one who looks at the bright side (SHUT UP!), so let me add that at least our upstairs bathroom is once again functioning, thanks to Mr. Handsome, and for that I am forever thankful! Can I hear three cheers, because there is possibly nothing less wonderful than having to shove your hand into the toilet tank and swish around in the cold, dank water searching for the little black stick thing to yank so that the damn toilet flushes.

And so much for the optimism, because that evening, the same day as my wicked day of legal pill popping (I think it was Tuesday), Dee and Mr. Handsome were having a gentle game of Ball Toss when Gryphon, our trusty, but monstrous standard poodle, jumped straight into the air like a kangaroo and swiftly knocked the ball out of its regular trajectory with the end of his nose, sending the ball. Straight.Into.My.Eye.

The room went silent.

Because, you see, I have a history of retinal detachments. It doesn't take much for one to occur, thanks to a genetic condition I have. So, when this ball ricocheted off my eyeball, my family knew this was not a good thing. Especially when we're days away from a big trip. Because, there's probably nothing worse than going to Disney World blind in one eye. Unless, of course, you were blind in both eyes, AND were paralyzed from the ears down, and had a very bad, undiagnosed skin condition that you, of course, wouldn't realize you had because you were blind.

Even Gryphon knew something was up because, once I had straightened up and could sort of see again, he was staring at me like I was a ghost. If a dog could look concerned, Gryphon did. And then, once I acknowledged his existence, he came closer to me and started licking me softly, as if he were saying, "I'm so sorry I'm such a goofus. Are you okay?" I swear this dog has feelings and intuition like no other. Once, I was upset about something, and he just came up to me and put his head on my lap, and looked at me. And this is a MALE I'm talking about. If only they could all be like that.

Cancellation of our trip flashed before my eyes, and I almost started to cry. Because it would really suck if I had to have eye surgery again, and the family would have to go to Florida without me. Nah, they wouldn't do that. We would cancel our trip, and then everyone would spend 10 days sitting in the living room, staring at me with nasty nasty looks on their faces. And they would return all the Christmas gifts they had lovingly bought for me.

I am happy to report that I think I'm okay. I've given it a couple of days, and my eyeball does not seem to have detached from its retinal component. I know what the symptoms are of retinal detachment (just ask me about the time Mr. Handsome PUNCHED me in the same eye), so I was on the look-out (pun totally intended), but all I've noticed so far are a couple more floaters hanging around causing me no end of grief. Do you know how irritating it is to try and read blogs and shop for sex toys when there are black and grey blobs floating in front of your vision? Well, it's VERY irritating.

The other wonderful news I have to tell you is that I went back to my gastroenterologist for another check-up, and when he heard about my most recent prolonged diarrheic disaster series, he got all concerned, and after asking me a pile of questions, he said I need to have another colonoscopy.

After he peeled me off the floor and poured a gallon of cold water on my face, I told him the only way I was having THAT (The Procedure From Hell) done to me again was if he plied me with plenty of vodka, and the entire hospital's stash of Versed, and used a hammer to make sure I was out. Because my last experience was as pleasant as going to a spa, but not realizing that it was actually a Chinese Torture Chamber, where instead of painting your nails they pull them out, one by one, with red hot pliers. Yeah, THAT kind of pleasant.

So, all in all, a successful and extremely productive week, wouldn't you say?

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Sex And The Hairdresser In The City

I had the most interesting pseudo-sexual experience while getting my hair cut and highlighted last week, and I just had to share it with all of you because, although I may not know all of you personally, I know you all need to know my deepest, darkest secrets. You're welcome.

But, before I get into that, let me just tell you that my hairdresser, although she's cute and funny and listens to me blather on and on about nothing, really does not know how to cut bangs. I am in complete misery at the moment because, once again, she did not give me the nice sidebangs that I now adore (and once abhorred) and that make me look like Penelope Cruz (without the strong accent). At the moment, my bangs are cut straight across, and I look like Alfred E. Neuman. Not good, seeing as I'M GOING TO FLORIDA IN A WEEK and the last thing I need is to look like this:

Not that anyone is going to notice, but still. It would be nice if someone would notice me for a change, actually, and when they did, that I didn't look like a complete tool. My only hope is that my hair grows enough in the next week so that I can trim my bangs a wee bit to give them that sidebang look. Please pray for me.

So, while I was sitting there, getting my bangs trimmed badly, my hairdresser starts talking to the guy next to her about lube. Lube? Yes, lube. The guy was going on and on about machinery or something exciting like that, and my hairdresser pipes in with the suggestion of using lube to loosen things up. "Like KY or something," she says, all chipperlike, simultaneously going snipsnipsnip to my precious hairs.

KY? I say to myself, my eyes widening in disbelief. Did she just say what I thought she just said? As in 'sex jelly'? Not that I know ANYTHING at all about that stuff.

Yes, she did. To a strange man who was sitting right beside me.

Thank god he wasn't handsome or even the least bit adorable, because THAT would be uber-embarrassing, and I would have probably ended up with an even more ridiculous-looking haircut because I would have ducked under my robe and never come up for air.

We get through that embarrassing moment and Mrs. Foot-In-The-Mouth is just fluffing up my bangs when she pulls out this bottle of spray and I ask her what that is as she starts spraying my head, and she tells me it's this awesome, amazing stuff that makes your hair look like it just came out of the movies. And she sprays it again, and I am in heaven because the smell is out of this world, so I decide right then and there that, regardless of whether or not this stuff actually does anything at all, I have to buy it because of that smell. And that, my friends, is ridiculous in itself, and don't think I don't know it. I do, but I don't care.

And, so I ask her what it's called, and she tells me. "Blonde Me," she says, showing me the bottle.

And then she giggles.

"What is so funny?" I ask her, totally oblivious to what is right in front of me and still in a little bit of heaven over the amazing smell of this stuff.

She points to the bottle, and by this point, she cannot speak, she's laughing so hard.

And the bottle says: BLOND ME, except the "ND" is on a line all on its own.

And I'm like, "What?"

And she's like, "OH.MY.GOD. Do you see that?!"

And I'm all, "No. If I saw it, I'd be peeing my pants like you are right now."

And she points more specifically to the words and looks at me, waiting.

And then the actual placement of the words hit my retinas, and I cannot believe my luck. The stars in the Galaxy of Sex surely must have been aligned that day, because seriously, what are the chances that the topics of lube AND blowing would BOTH come up at the hairdresser's, of all places, and within the span of one hour? And then I scream, cover my eyes, and run lest the words burn fiery holes into my virginal eyes.

So, of course I bought the bottle of spray, because I'd spend more than that for a bottle that says "Blo Me" on it. This was cheap, in my opinion.

I haven't yet shown the bottle to Mr. Handsome, lest he get entirely the wrong idea (which he will). But, he reads this blog, so now I just wait. But, while I wait, I spray and sniff, and smile, because that, my friends, is how I roll.

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