Itchy Nipples

I don't know about you, but lately, I've had the itchiest nipples ever.

Digging my nails under my shirt and under my bra, I can't say it's a pretty picture.

And itchy love muffins just make me think about Jon and Kate, and that just makes me sad. I hate to admit it, but here goes. I feel like my very close friends have just announced their impending death, and I find out that all that money they were bequeathing to me ... was just a big fat lie. Which just makes me want to puke, because of course they aren't close friends of mine. So, who am I to even say that? That's what I'd say to someone else telling me exactly what I've just told all of you. And, I would never even be friends with someone like Kate, because Kate is nasty and mean, and bossy, and I would have to react to her in a very passive-aggressive way, which would be exhausting. Not only that, but her hair freaks me right the heck out. What the hell? She looks like she's got a sizeable hedgehog nesting up there on top of her noggin.

So anyway ...

I have to wonder what makes me feel this way, and this strongly, about a family I don't really know from a hole in the wall. Because, in case you didn't know this, lots of people go through separation and divorce every single day of the year. And although it's sad and all that, I don't really give a fat rat's bottom half. Truly. I'm not trying to be crass and cold. Seriously, no one really cares, because it's so commonplace, and it's happening to people we don't even know.

So, although, rationally speaking, I know I don't know the Gosselins, and I know I shouldn't really feel anything "real" for their misfortune, I do, and, guys, it's driving me crazy. Which is probably why my billibongs are so itchy.

Or, maybe it's my bra. Maybe I am finally reacting to my Maidenform bra, which I bought many a moon ago. Or maybe it's the humidity of the season, and the sweat that drips down my voluptuous lady lumps (one of which is much larger than the other, but we won't go there) and pools at my bra bottom, only to irritate me no end.

No. It's Jon and Kate.

Their sadness, the choky sounds Kate made on The TV Monday night when she talked about the end of life as they knew it, the sucky face Jon made (he really needs to learn how to relax -- and, by the way, that was sarcasm) and those little cute kiddy faces as they bounced about on the screen. That's made me itchy, and all upheavaled, and stuff.

Or maybe it's that Kate actually spanked one of her kids, and that just upsets me no end, because you all know how much I love kids, and how I would never in a trillion years raise a finger to a child.

No, I did not slap both my children upside their heads more than once. And before you start calling Child Protective Services on me, just let me tell you: they deserved every single one of them.

And I can't think about it anymore, because now I have hives on top of my hives, and my kids are graduating this week, and I have to look awesome, because otherwise no one will recognize me and they might even get scared and run the other way, and that just won't do.


Sandi said…
I always find myself commenting over here when you hit a button.

I am sick about the Jon and Kate saga. Every damn person has a solution to fix their fix their problems, me included.

I am sorry it makes your boobs itch. I get hives constantly. But lately, I just cry and get a funeral headache. I love the Gosselin family.
♥georgie♥ said…
Jon and Kate it's such a sad state of affairs...
I'm sorry your nipples are itchy
Marvin D Wilson said…
Just had to stop in & let you know I had a Google melt-down. I got falsely ID'd as a spammer and Google yanked ALL my accounts - gmail, igoogle, google analytics, and both my blogs! Yep, Free Spirit is gonzo. :(

So but they can't keep me down for long - I've purchased my own domain and have a new blog up now. Stop by & visit?

The Old Silly
I wonder if it is good or bad that I do not know who John and Kate are?
No, the hives just won't do. Poor Kate. She can't really be that much of a bitch, can she? Eight kids? I know I was always perfect with three.

Congrats on the graduation and hope your nipples quit itching.
Debbie said…
How can you be so darn funny! I love the whole itchy nipples and the Gosselin connection.
Hope your itchy nips gets better,
I used to get that especially in the hot weather when I lived in Spain. not comfortable at all.

Loved the blog, very interesting reading.

Take care.
♥Trina♥ said…
Not a Jon and Kate fan...I honestly can't remember ever watching an entire episode, but what I did see the few minutes that I watched was enough to tell me that I didn't care to see anymore. I don't like people who are mean and nasty. AND like you, I cannot stand her hair.

(If it makes you feel any better, one of my boobs is larger than my right one.)
♥Trina♥ said…
Let me correct myself...I only have TWO boobs! What I SHOULD have said what that my LEFT boob is bigger than my right one, and that makes buying a bra such a pain. Do I do a D for my right side, or do I do a DD for my left? Why can't they do a D.5?? LOL
Miss Thystle said…
Won't anyone think of the children? I said that in a very lamenty voice, by the way.

As for your itchy bits, living as I do on the face of the sun where one is prone to getting mucho sweatiouso, I recommend drying thoroughly and then liberally applying Gold Bond Powder to every place on your body where skin touches other skin. Sure, you're going to smell like an old lady, but it's better than being that weird lady whose always scratching herself.
Now that they've announced that it's the end, I have lost all interest in them. Which is good I guess 'cause I barely have time to worry about my ownfamily and read blogs and whatnot...
Lauren said…
My heart sunk hearing her talk about Jon shutting her out when she needed to communicate. I've been there. Mean bossy or not, she is still human. So wondering when I'll see you again over at my bloggy home.
FishHawk said…
I can't comment about any of my own itchy parts. For I am sure that you would consider that to be TMI (Too Much Information), but I can inform you that Holy Mackerel has been included in this weeks Sites To See. I hope you like the image I featured, and I hope this helps to attract many new visitors here.
HEy Mary! Thanks for stopping by, and please don't apologize for being a bad blog visitor. I have been MIA for quite some time myself. Just had a lot going on (no itchy boobies or anything)!
I don't care for Joh & Kate myself, there are enough selfish, brain-dead, users of children, biotches that I have to deal with occasionally right here in Alabama so I don't really feel the need to tune in to watch another one!
I admit, it is sad for the always is when one of the parents only think of themselves! I speak from experience here!
Anyway....I will be better at visiting too as soon as things settle down here a bit. I'm glad you are mostly well (hopefully the hives will go away soon).
Anonymous said…
It's like watching a train wreck. And because some of the kids are so cute. But not Maddie. She's a brat.
See... That post title just wouldn't work if you were a guy.
I thought this was quite funny. I still don't know who these people are. And yes, what about the kids?
Shana said…
I thought the itchy nipple things lately was just me!!!

Jon and Kate? Well, I have been reading the blog of "Aunt Jodi's" sister. Very interesting reading, that.

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