Who Needs A Disaster When You Have Mary?

Guys, I can hardly believe my amazing luck and good fortune.

You won't believe this.

Just a few blocks from my house, just up the street, are hundreds upon hundreds ... of uniformed policemen, firefighters, and paramedics. And you all know how I feel about these guys, right? Well, if you don't, let me just put it this way: put me in front of a Dairy Queen chute full of endless chocolate-dipped soft serves, a Cheetos factory, and these guys, and the uniformed men win, hands down.

Oh. My. God.

Okay, just imagine ... you're driving down the street, and suddenly, a gaggle of hot, muscular, sweaty men in uniform gather in front of your eyes. That's what I saw as I drove in to work. And can I say that I actually enjoyed going into the office for a change?

Because there they were, right in front of me as I turned the corner and neared the stoplight: a veritable slew of paramedics and firefighters, a field of tents, and lots of testosterone. I think my neck underwent a bit of a strain as I turned my head almost Linda Blairish in nature. If I was quick on my feet, which I am not, I would have stopped and gone over for a little one-on-one neck first aid with a couple of the guys.

So, apparently the city is hosting some national mock disaster in the field of an old, empty school in the neighbourhood. They've demolished parts of the school, and pretend injured persons are scattered throughout the building, waiting to be saved.

If I had known about this mock disaster zone earlier, I would have been first in line to lie under concrete blocks for hours at a time, fake blood smeared on my face, just to be saved by uniformed, sweaty, serious men who love to save people and risk their own lives doing so.
Oh.My.God.

Can you imagine the multiple orgasms as you lie there under rubble, waiting for a dozen of these hunks to come and bring you to safety? I bet you this would even be a great porn for women. Think about it.

I just searched the Internet to see if they were still looking for volunteers. Honest to god I did. Yes, that is just a smidgen of my desperation. And then I ask, why was I not specifically asked to partake in this amazing experience? I mean, I'd do it wholeheartedly, forego a week's pay. That's how selfless this gal is.

The only thing that might be better than this is if they threw in a few hot and muscular construction workers, holding shovels and picks and stuff. That is what my heaven is made of. That and Cheetos, of course. And yes, Slut, dear dear friend of mine, I would whistle at them.

Heck, I might even fling myself prostrate across a speeding car's hood just to get some attention from some burly, buff and beautiful specimen of the male variety. Or maybe I could just wander out onto the field, all confused like, as I often am, and slouch down all sexy-like, and pretend to faint or something dramatic like that. It might work.

But, goddammit, my kids are back home now, and I have to act like an adult again.