Who Needs A Disaster When You Have Mary?

Guys, I can hardly believe my amazing luck and good fortune.

You won't believe this.

Just a few blocks from my house, just up the street, are hundreds upon hundreds ... of uniformed policemen, firefighters, and paramedics. And you all know how I feel about these guys, right? Well, if you don't, let me just put it this way: put me in front of a Dairy Queen chute full of endless chocolate-dipped soft serves, a Cheetos factory, and these guys, and the uniformed men win, hands down.

Oh. My. God.

Okay, just imagine ... you're driving down the street, and suddenly, a gaggle of hot, muscular, sweaty men in uniform gather in front of your eyes. That's what I saw as I drove in to work. And can I say that I actually enjoyed going into the office for a change?

Because there they were, right in front of me as I turned the corner and neared the stoplight: a veritable slew of paramedics and firefighters, a field of tents, and lots of testosterone. I think my neck underwent a bit of a strain as I turned my head almost Linda Blairish in nature. If I was quick on my feet, which I am not, I would have stopped and gone over for a little one-on-one neck first aid with a couple of the guys.

So, apparently the city is hosting some national mock disaster in the field of an old, empty school in the neighbourhood. They've demolished parts of the school, and pretend injured persons are scattered throughout the building, waiting to be saved.

If I had known about this mock disaster zone earlier, I would have been first in line to lie under concrete blocks for hours at a time, fake blood smeared on my face, just to be saved by uniformed, sweaty, serious men who love to save people and risk their own lives doing so.

Can you imagine the multiple orgasms as you lie there under rubble, waiting for a dozen of these hunks to come and bring you to safety? I bet you this would even be a great porn for women. Think about it.

I just searched the Internet to see if they were still looking for volunteers. Honest to god I did. Yes, that is just a smidgen of my desperation. And then I ask, why was I not specifically asked to partake in this amazing experience? I mean, I'd do it wholeheartedly, forego a week's pay. That's how selfless this gal is.

The only thing that might be better than this is if they threw in a few hot and muscular construction workers, holding shovels and picks and stuff. That is what my heaven is made of. That and Cheetos, of course. And yes, Slut, dear dear friend of mine, I would whistle at them.

Heck, I might even fling myself prostrate across a speeding car's hood just to get some attention from some burly, buff and beautiful specimen of the male variety. Or maybe I could just wander out onto the field, all confused like, as I often am, and slouch down all sexy-like, and pretend to faint or something dramatic like that. It might work.

But, goddammit, my kids are back home now, and I have to act like an adult again.


Gaston Studio said…
LOL Mary! You go girl!
Shana said…
I'm with you! I would do it too!
Lauren said…
OMG you wrote orgasm. ROFLMAO.
darsden said…
Mary, that is too funny. I would have been right with you honey, I would have at least pretended to faint and needing rescue just rolling up on the scene :-)
ReformingGeek said…
Dang! It's bad having to be an adult sometimes. I'm about to search now to see if anything like that is scheduled in my area soon. I've got this pain in my hip and I'm feeling light-headed. Maybe they could check it out.

Got pictures?
Lucky you coming across all those uniformed men( sigh). and me a grandmother. I enjoyed your post emmensely as I usually do. You have such a way of writing that makes me smile. Keep up the good work.

Anonymous said…
Hi Holy Mackerel:

I am a teen writer at RadicalParenting.com which is a parenting blog from the kid's perspective; there are 60 teen and tween writers run by teen author, Vanessa Van Petten. We just posted a video about A Family in Canada here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VQx8ONYkzvY

and would love for you to check it out and tell us what you think or repost if you like it,

Cheers, thanks for checking it out!

Gokce Yurekli and the Teen Team
LutzFam said…
Love your sense of humor!! I had to read it to my hubby because I was laughing so hard he had to know what had struck me as being so funny!
♥georgie♥ said…
LMAO-Mary-you complete me!!!!
jaykbee said…
mmmm it IS a man buffet. Big muscular hairy men, mmm, woot.
You should of just smeared some fake blood on and then wandered over and told them you got separated from your crowd. You could of told them you were having trouble breathing.miesses
Brenna Flynn said…
Ha. Too funny, Mary. I'm jealous!I would have definitely taken the fainting approach.
Lisa said…
Don't you hate it when kids ruin things like a good fantasy?
Oh my Gosh. I love this. Not to rub it in, but I was stuck in an elevator once on my way to a dinner party and some extremely hot fire firefighters had to rescue us. Actually it was the whole dinner party that was trapped- about 15 homos in an elevator with an ice-cream cake. Good times.
Jane Doe said…
Wow, that sounds like paradise!!
Blonde Goddess said…
So if I blow myself up in a building, hot, sweaty, muscular men will come?
Hmmm....I wonder if I have any manure left?
♥georgie♥ said…
mary just stopping by to check on you...either my feeds are messed up or your not posting...hope all is well...you are missed
terri said…
omg!!! Mary.... a blast from the past. One CLA reference - that I have still to find and that whole other part of your past turns up here..
Terri Tom.....
I'll be following...

oh and so THAT'S what was going on at the school... I'd have been right behind you...
That 'miesses' was a mistake. I entered my Word V in the wrong place. Just so everyone knows I'm not just writing other crap and that I can't spell.
♥Trina♥ said…
Hey, Mary! I've been missing your posts. I hope all is well with you. {HUGS}

Tina said…
lol wat i it with men and uniforms. they are all dishy! they must have to be as a requirment of the job!!!
"But, goddammit, my kids are back home now, and I have to act like an adult again."

Oh, man. Don't you hate that.
blueviolet said…
I can't believe that was right in your neighborhood!
sherie said…
where are you? I am in need of a good post!

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