Mama Bear's Getting Mighty Angry

Dee got hurt at school again by Ass. Remember Ass? That wonderful child I spoke of last November who thought bullying my son was within his rights? Yeah, that child.

Well, he's done it again, and now I'm more than angry. I'm beyond livid. I'm infuriated, exasperated, convulsing with fiery outrage, nay, even splenetic in my wrath. Because this time -- this time -- my son's just had abdominal surgery and has just returned to school. And if there's one thing I don't want, it's my son having to return to the hospital for more surgery, or having any more pain than he's already had.

And if Ass wants to see the Mama Bear in me come out, he's doing a damn good job of it. Because if he wants to roll, he's gonna roll. I'm not above throwing a child to the ground and stomping him to a pulp. As long as my hair doesn't get mussed up, I'm there. A woman's gotta have priorities.

If there's one thing you don't do to The Goddess, it's mess with her kids. I will rip you to shreds. And then I'll rip the shreds to even smaller, shreddier shreds. And then I will take those shreds, and put them in a bowl with mayonnaise and a dash of paprika, and feed them to the guinea pigs.
Because, although I don't especially like to spend any time with my kids, and I make them do all the chores around the house, and I have to ply myself with many martinis every evening to try and forget the day, I do love them, believe it or not. A lot. I would even die for them. As long as it was a quick, easy and painless death, and not one of those long, drawn-out things that hurt and are messy. Because then, I'm not so sure.

When I picked Dee up from school and he had that sour, "what a crappy day" face. I asked him what was wrong, because I'm a good mother that way and sometimes I actually care. And he tells me Ass jumped him. Not once. No, not even twice. Three. Times. In one day. Dee's first day back to school after surgery, and he gets nailed three times. Unbelievable.

When I heard that, I put my amazing driving techniques to work, did a 180 like you only see in the movies, leaving snow clouds behind me as I reversed and headed right back to that school to talk to the principals. I felt like I was in an episode of the Dukes of Hazzard.

And into the office we marched. My furor was at an all-time high, but I kept it all under control. I had to. I was in the principal's office, and we all know what that's like. All those old childhood feelings come flooding back, the feelings of inadequacy, of shame. Not that I ever spent any time in a principal's office.

After waiting 25 minutes for another mom to leave the office (a mom I actually cannot stand because she has one of those whiny, nasally voices that grate, and she drones on and on and on about nothing really, and no, I'm not the only one who can't stand her, so I don't feel bad at all for feeling this way), Dee and I finally went in and spilled the beans.

They were not amused, which made me happy. Visions of publicly stringing Ass up by his wienis enthralled me and made me smile.

When Mr. Handsome came home, I let him know what had transpired, because being the good wife that I am, I believed he should know and would want to handle it himself, to make himself feel that much more manly. And the way I see it, if it's not my job to make Mr. Handsome feel all good inside about himself, than what is?

And again, I was right.

Because after dinner, Mr. Handsome got on that phone and called Ass' house, and spoke to his father, Mr. Buttmunch, and gave him a piece of his mind. I'm sure he scared Mr. Buttmunch half to death, which is a good thing because I didn't want to have to do that myself. God knows what foul things would come flying out of my mouth. The words that I spew when angry are not words for the weak. They make me cringe when I hear them, and it's hard to believe that I'm actually saying them, that's how awful they are. I cannot control it. Some unknown power takes over and makes me say those awful awful words. Because under usual, calmer circumstances, I am pretty much a saint.

The two boys were to meet at the principal's office first thing this morning to work things out. And guess who didn't show up to school?

Frackin' yellow belly.

I'm staking out his house right now to make sure he gets his sorry little butt to school to face the music. And let's just say the music that'll be playing will be The Funeral March.


Anonymous said…
You get him, Mama Bear. Nobody messes with your cub.
ShanaM said…
Good for you!! And the hubby. I can't stand bratty kids who pick on others!!
Robin said…
You Go Girl!!
Anonymous said…
I was thinking, why not simply say what is on your mind? Like, what are you feeling inside?


Me, straight to the police and then an attorney! Sticking an ass up the ass of the "Ass"...ah, such sweet revenge!


P.S. You write well ...
You are right in trying to do something about your son being bullied. No child should have to tolerate that.
~*Jobthingy*~ said…
oh i would have snapped.

even in the principals office.

well done mama bear.

now hopefully ass sees this is wrong.. although Mr buttmunch prob just said 'go apologize in the morning.. now go back to your xbox.'
Suburbia Steph said…
That is seriously effed up! How did he get jumped that many times and no one stepped in? I'd be livid and definitely have some questions for the damned school!

I too, have to usually have hubs handle these things cause my temper can get out of control, and I could very well possibly kill someone and/or verbally rip them to shreds & have them WISH they were dead. He's obviously the more level headed one when it comes to these things. I get in fight mode automatically.

Yeah. You don't mess with MY babies!

I'm interested to hear what happens!
Blonde Goddess said…
The kid didn't show up to school?
Apparently this kid continues to bully other at school because his parents don't enforce any kind of discipline at home.
Hell...if my kids get in trouble, they're more worried about what punishment they're going to get at home than at school.

I hope the principal will call Ass' parents and demand they come in to discuss the problem.
Melanie Lutz said…
I had a similar experience. After my daughter had recovered from retina surgery number 2 she advised some of her friends that if she bumped her head bad enough she could go blind, which is why she is having surgery. To keep from going blind. So the class horror kept hitting her on the back of the head and saying, "I'll make you go blind." Needless to say I lost it and want to do some real damage to the punk!

Good job!!!!!!
Ash said…
Oldest got bit the other day while on the playground (kindergarten). The child who did it is in the Principal's office about every day. This is his third biting offense.

After another slap on the wrist, he was back (even though "legally" they cannot tell me what action was taken. Glad HIS rights are protected). Not sure what it takes to get kicked out of public schools these days - but the thought of it scares the pee out of me.

Go get 'em Mama Bear!!
Anonymous said…
Wow Mary.


I'm so glad you and your Mr. Handsome DID the RIGHT thing!

That wussy bully kid...KNEW he was wrong. Couldn't face the music and probably Mommykins and Daddykins couldn't stand the thought of their dear, sweet, misunderstood child having to go through such an unfair ordeal like that.

I'm with you Mama Bear! I will put up with a LOT, but you say or do something to hurt one of my daughters and my head starts spinning around and spewing green stuff! So far, only 1 idiot has had the misfortune of having to endure one of my rages! I guess word got around even in her small town!
I'm proud of you AND of hubby~ you are going to have to keep us all posted!
Stephanie said…
GRR! So hard to protect our babes! Good for you for taking it straight to the principal. Hope your little one is OK!
Steph said…
My vote? You handle it. It only takes ONCE for a mama to go right off for those jackass parents to realize that if they teach their kids nothing else, they WILL teach them not to mess with CrazyMama's kids.

CrazyMama Too
Audrey said…
Go get him!! Our youngest had trouble in grade 5 for about 3 days. he'd finally had it with a kid that was always threatening to beat him up and told dad about it. Dad explained about bullies and told son what to do the next day. Son comes home all smiles!! It worked!!
Basically son got into bullies face and said "You just f'n try it!!" Bully turned around, left and never bothered him again.
We hate bullies too!!
Bon Don said…
GOOD FOR YOU!! I would have done the same thing... I might even had taken it a step further and jumped his mother 3 times and seen how little ass would have liked that!! ... ok I'm kidding I'm not that violent ... anymore.
Jenni said…
I hope they teach that little punk a lesson!
Wow, you're a bad ass mom! You go get that little snot nosed punk momma bear!
Wow, I admire your self control. I would have hunted Ass down, tied him to a tree and kung fooed his little butt till he whimpered.

(I'm working on anger management issues. Please be kind)
bernthis said…
I agree. Just try and fuck with my kid. How typical, the fucker doesn't show up for school? All bullies are pussies that is why they pick on those they think are weaker than they are.
you have some great pictures......loved it......great and thanks for sharing.....
Anonymous said…

Lidian said…
Right on! I have 2 girls, so I know how it feels - the picture is perfect!
I can so relate. Emily has been enduring bullying at school for a few months. So much for zero tolerance!!

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