Holy Mackerel

If you're reading this, it means you are here, and I'm not. I must be in Switzerland by now, or if you're only coming here late on Wednesday or Thursday, I'm already in Venice, trying not to drown. I promise many delectable stories and photos on my return, but you'd better be quick, because a few days later, I'm leaving again for my trip to New York City with my fabulous Slut and her sister and momma (who apparently loves me more than she does Slut, which is typical). Of course, NYC could be a total wash-out if the Icelandic volcano decides to ejaculate again and ground us in Venice. Get it? GROUND us in Venice?!! Fine, don't laugh. I thought it was rather witty, and that's all that matters. See you soon! P.S. And all you stalkers out there, don't even bother starting to think about figuring out where I live. I have guards surrounding the house, five people occupying every room, and alarms on every door and window. I dare ya.

I just discovered something about Mr. Handsome that I did not know, which is huge (and possibly dangerous), because we've been together now 23 years, and I was pretty sure I knew everything about him, including the location of that strangely-shaped mole just under ... oh, never mind. I found out that speaking a foreign language in his presence really turns him on. As does me wearing granny glasses. Can't imagine what would happen if I wore my granny reading glasses AND talked to him in Swahili while holding a whip and handcuffs. I will wait while you imagine this scenario. Let me demonstrate: And now, replete with granny glasses and Swahili speech: Yeah. I know. All this to say that we went to the local bookstore the other day to peruse the travel section, because it's been decided that Mr. Handsome is going to Switzerland this month to give a presentation at some United Nations blahblahblah, and I am apparently accompanying him so that he makes it there and back in...

I've been thinking a lot over the past week or so about this potential trip to Switzerland with Mr. Handsome . And when I say thinking about it, I mean dreading it. But not in a bad way. Let me explain. Well, first of all, apparently now we don't know for certain that Mr. Handsome is going any longer. It's called government budget cutbacks, yo. He said he should know by the end of the week. Stupid government people. But if he gets the go ahead, I then have to figure out what to do. Because although I know I've said before that I've never been to Switzerland and would love to go to the land of the hosen, good beer and dark chocolate, I also now know about the Al Qaeda. Call me crazy. Why not? Most people do. Thing is, we've already seen them in action just last weekend with the pizza delivery WITHOUT THE CHEESY BREAD , so god only knows what else they could do. They're obviously VERY serious and mean business. It's spooking me out, guys, and I think I...