Holy Mackerel

The Gryphon Chronicles continue. The poor dog. As if it's not bad enough that he has to be a poodle who gets shaved by unprofessional owners who want to save a buck. Now, he's on meds for The Allergies so that he stops gnawing off his paws and scratching his skin until huge welts rise. His itchiness seems to be subsiding, thank the lord. However, what the meds seem to be doing is creating an adverse reaction on the inside of his very large body. The Dog With The Very Sensitive Stomach now has The Constipation instead of the usual problem we have with him, which would be The Diarrhea. Over the past few days, I've noticed a change in him, namely, his pooping procedure. He takes the Official Dog Pooping Stance we all know, but then, nothing happens. He just stands like that, back arched, looking extremely forlorn and confused, occasionally looking behind him as if to say, "What the hell is taking so long?" He then starts to walk about the ground, back still arched, h...

Are you a Type 1, or a Type 7? What are you talking about, you're probably asking me right about NOW . And usually, my answer would be, "I have no idea." But not this time! No! Believe it or not, you've come to the right place today. You know the Type A and B personality choices, kind of like blood types, but not? Now we have a new chart to further identify your "type". And, in my humble opinion, this typing might be the most telling of them all. Let me further illustrate. Last week, Mr. Handsome, Dee and I were at the hospital, where we discovered that Dee will most probably need more surgery to correct a little health problem that's been plaguing him. Nothing serious, but it has to be taken care of. Not cancer-related, and so it's all good. After the surgeon gave us this news, we were shuffled into this little examination room in the urology department to wait for a pre-op nurse to go through the rigamarole of the operation, what to expect, etc. A...

Talk about stress. As if going to the allergist for my annual "get 304 needles in the arms to see how I react to different allergens" isn't stressful enough for me to have a nervous breakdown and an asthma attack simultaneously, I end up having one of my "uh oh" moments. This is how I define my "uh oh" moments: I suddenly get a pang in the lower half of my belly, something akin to the wringer in a washing machine slowly squeezing your entrails through its rollers. I have learned that this means I had better get my sorry butt into a washroom, and fast, before explosive diarrhea takes control like a gunman going postal. I am in the midst of trying to figure out what is wrong with my gut. I'll be sure to keep you posted as I go through my various invasive procedures. I know you can hardly wait. Anyway, as I was saying, I'm sitting in the waiting room of my allergist's office earlier this week, and I go "uh oh". I am at first hopeful,...

I just have to say this. I can't wait any longer. I was going to ignore the whole thing, but apparently I can't. It seems that Google Adsense balked at my Poop post last week. Now, I'm just speculating. Just seems a bit coincidental that no sooner did my post on poop go up than my ads disappeared, only to be replaced by public service ads. Now, don't get me wrong. I like public service ads. I think they're grrreeaat. I really, honestly do. But, come on! Because of a silly little poopy post about a totally normal occurrence in every being's daily life? Puulleeeez. I don't think I'm taking a hairy fit for nothing. Or am I? Tell me if I'm wrong. And I know it's not the end of the world because sooner or later, the poop post will slowly disappear into the past, and my ads should reappear (I think). At least, that is unless I continue posting items with the word "poop" in them... Have a good day. And happy pooping!

I have to share this with all of you. This was sent to me by my very very good friend Bertrand, who emails me all things funny, sexist, politically incorrect and just outright rude. But always very funny. And I love it all. Especially this. Very important, too, I might add, since we all do it. Don't deny it. You know you do. Just nod and move on. It's good for your soul. I don't know who originally wrote this, but it touches my heart deeply. Read on. By the way, the following is rather long-winded (pardon the pun), so get yourself a coffee before settling in... We've all been there, but don't like to admit it... We're all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brewing down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the Work Poop is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the Survival Guide for taking a dump at work. Crop Dusting When farting, you walk really fast around the office so the smell is not in you...