Holy Mackerel

Like it's not bad enough that I struggle daily to keep up with my mammoth studies of anatomical drawings of men's gargantuan genitalia, but now the final exams are looming, I still can't lift a 200-pound person in a chair up two flights of stairs, and my arthritis has flared up to an entirely new level of agony and utter torment. That is probably one of the worst parts of having arthritis: the routine unpredictability of it. For weeks, nay months, I can feel pretty damn good. I am never without pain (that would be waaay too much to ask for, of course), but then, almost overnight, I will wake up and feel nothing but. Last night, I took codeine and some Tylenol so that I could actually fall asleep and maybe get a few hours without the gnawing of my joints waking me up (or keeping me up), but even that was apparently too much to ask for. This strange thing happens now and again when I take codeine, and the fact that I never know when it's going to happen makes my life ...

Do you ever surprise yourself with your reaction to something, as if your reaction is actually someone else's, and you're just a bystander? And then you make sure you took your Xanax this morning, and then you discover you actually don't even have a prescription for Xanax, which makes you cower under the covers in fear for the rest of the day. Well, that's the way I've been feeling the past few days, after finally getting a call from the doctors in Toronto that I went to see back in April about my arthritis in hopes of getting a more definite diagnosis and treatment plan. I finally got some pretty definite answers, and it's put me in a funk, which I suppose isn't surprising since I am almost always in one funk or another, and if I'm not, I'm in the midst of planning one. Have you ever planned a funk? It's actually kind of fun. More fun than the actual funk itself, once it arrives. Sort of like the family trip, but without the accompanying tou...

"What's a prick?" Dee asked me, all nonchalant-like as he cuddled beside me on the couch, watching Jersey Shore (what?!). And let's stop right there for a moment and ponder this moment of extremes: a cuddling cherub, full of life and innocence, asking me what a prick is. I did a double take as I looked at his innocent, little, chubby, freckly face. Did this child just ask me this question? I asked myself, feeling a hot flash overwhelm me. "Ummmmmmmmmm, a prick? Uhhhhh, why are you asking me this?" I said, hoping he'd change the topic and forget all about it. But, a part of me was curious, truly wondering. "Jake called me that the other day," Dee said. And then Dee explained. Apparently, Jake shouted out some embarrassing words to a girl Dee likes, something to the effect of, "Hey *** ! Dee wants to kiss you!!" You know, stupid and embarrassing kid stuff that makes a child want to cry. Not sure why Dee is so often the butt of bul...