Perimenopause -- aka I Want A Penis
Perimenopause. (Warning: If you are not able and willing to read about bodily fluids, and other such nonsense, stop here. That means most men. Don't say I didn't warn you. Mind you, there isn't MUCH mention of bodily fluids, but probably enough to make you squirm and twitch.) Definition: The period around the onset of menopause that is often marked by various physical signs, such as hot flashes and menstrual irregularity. What they forget to mention: the sudden and sometimes constant urge to spew vulgar animal sounds at everyone around you the inexplicable tearing of the hair, your own or anyone's who is within a 200-mile radius of you the wonderful unexpected gush of menstrual fluid, when you were sure your period was over and done with moments of overwhelming emotion, whereby a commercial of a motorcycle-riding grandma wearing diapers makes you sob for 2 hours and very angry, simultaneously the many points in time when indecision takes over for even the most minute i...