Stupid Rules And Stupid People = Bad Bad Things

You know what I absolutely hate? Stupid rules, that's what. Stupid rules that stupid people believe they have no choice but to abide by, and then transfer their idiocy so that it greatly impinges upon your life and makes things that much more difficult for you.

Like going back to college at my age isn't hard enough. Like knowing I might be the absolute oldest person in all my classes isn't making me want to vomit. As if knowing that the next two-and-a-half years may be some of the hardest years of my life isn't.bad.enough.

More about idiots in a moment...
So, I did it. I registered for college, for both the paramedic and the practical nursing programs. I should know in a month whether or not I've been accepted into either. In the meantime, I needed transcripts from university and high school to go with my registration, and as luck may have it, I could do it all online, with only a few phone calls to get my student numbers, and a few hundred thousand bajillion minutes being put on hold. I don't mind the hold so much. It's the Barry Manilow musak I can't handle.

Now, for the idiots.

I called the continuing education program through our local school board so that I could sign up for two high school courses I apparently need in order to get into the practical nursing program. However, you can't actually speak to a live person when you phone the number on their site. Oh no, that would be too simple, too easy, too freakin' straightforward. No, instead, you have to leave your message, and they call you back whenever.

This happened last week, and of course, I wasn't home when they called. So, I called them again on Monday, and left yet another message. Well, this time, they actually called me back when I wasn't either sitting on the toilet, using my neti pot, or lying in the fetal position on the couch wrapped up in blankets and ignoring the world. The girl (and I call her 'girl' because she sounded like she couldn't have been older than three) asked me which courses I was interested in taking.

'Interested' is probably too strong a word for what I was. The word I'd use is perhaps 'coerced into taking' or maybe 'screwed over', but whatever.

"Grade 11 Biology and Grade 12 Chemistry," I told her.

"Okay, so, like, you have to make, like, an appointment to, like, see one of our counsellors and go through your application. I can give you Feb. 17."

I sighed heavily, tapped my foot impatiently on the dirty carpet, and tried not to sound as aggravated as I was. "Well, that's fine, but isn't there anything earlier than Feb. 17? I'd like to register right away so that I'm sure to get into the courses."

"No. There's no other way," Girl replied. "Is Feb. 17 good for you?"

No, I felt like saying, what would be good for me is for you to get away from the phone and let me speak to someone else. Instead, I said, "Ummm, yeah, it's fine. Isn't that the last day to register for courses though?"

She didn't answer me.

"Umm, do I have to see someone? I mean, I know which courses I need to take and everything. Can't I just go down to the school and --"

"No, you have no choice. And, we have to get your payment anyway," Girl spewed, cutting me off.

Heavy sigh.

So, now I have to wait until Feb. 17 to meet some counsellor who probably knows less than I do about the courses I need in order to get into the college program, just so that I can talk to him for a few minutes, show him the money, and sign papers saying I will not draw pictures of throbbing penises in their text books. And hope that there's still room in the courses, because if the counsellor tells me there isn't, I might knee him in the groin, pencil poke him in the eye, and spit on his shoes.

And that is why I hate stupid people.

Then, yesterday, I had to go to my old high school to get an actual paper copy of my high school transcript. I walk into main hallway, and come face-to-face with a skinny girl in painted-on jeans who spits out as she walks by, "Yeah, I'm a bitch, and that's all there is to it." Yeah, she went there. Scary shit, high school is.

I make my way to the guidance office, and it's chock full of pubescent boys and girls who think they're waaay cooler than they really are, and I'm trying not to feel out of place and think that maybe I'm not really that out of place because I actually have a tiny zit on my right jowl. Finally, the secretary comes up to me, and I tell her what I'm there for. And she says, "What year did you graduate?"

So, I tell her, "1981." And I say it pretty softly, because I'm surrounded by youngsters and, if they hear that, they'll all try and touch me because I'm, like, an antique to them.

And the secretary screams out, "Did you say 1981?? Wow. Don't think they even have transcripts going that far back! Hmmmm...."

Well, isn't that just dandy. And I look at Em, who was with me because she wasn't feeling well and was coming home with me (yes, she goes to my alma mater, how exciting is that?!), and she's smiling, trying hard to stifle a huge laugh.


Today, Mr. Handsome, who no longer reads this blog because it's inappropriate and disgusting, has gone to Toronto to give a speech at some big association luncheon, so he thinks he's all special and stuff. I drove him to the airport early this morning, before the sun was even really up.And now I'm going to the dentist to get my teeth cleaned and listen to my dental hygienist ream me out because apparently flossing once a day isn't good enough for Patty Perfectionist. Yeah, another awesome day in the neighbourhood.


ShanaM said…
Oh. My. God. I hate stupid people too.

I feel for you. Marissa's school got a new principal and she is a idiot.
New rules like: girl can't bring a purse in the classroom. Or kids get a one minute detention if they are late for a class. Needless to say, I couldn't keep my mouth shut and wrote a nice (polite) letter about the idiocy of the said rules and ended with "WHere is my daughter going to keep her tampons??"

Good luck with the school thing
First of all Mary congratulations on registering for college, I know you'll be a success. Now about idiots, I have had my fair share of those since coming back from Spain 2 weeks ago.
When I booked by phone for a hotel in Spain I asked for a twin room as I don't like confined rooms.
On arriving in Spain what did I get? a single room which was so small it was unbelievable.
I complained at the desk but was told to contact my travel agent,
I couldn't do that so decided to complain on my return home.
When I did I was told to send an email as the complaints department
don't take phone calls, I paid for a twin room so think a refund is in order........if I can ever contact them.

All the best.
Ash said…
Congratulations - on going back to school.

And not slapping the bitch when she screamed about transcripts not going that far back.

Young'ens these days. No respect.

Hope she was able to find the tablets ;-)
ReformingGeek said…
It's sad when stupid people are in charge. Wait. Did I just describe a few of my old bosses?

Nah, surely not.

Hang in there!
Pauline said…
"And the secretary screams out, "Did you say 1981?? Wow. Don't think they even have transcripts going that far back! Hmmmm...."

Wow! I'm surprised you didn't groin strike and pencil stab HER in the eye! Awful!

All this hassle just to take some high school science classes! Crazy!

Best of luck getting it all straightened out soon!:)
Dawn said…
First off, congrats for going back to school.

Second, sorry the road is a little bumpy.

Third, you crack me up!
Aunt Juicebox said…
What's to stop you from just going to the registrar and signing up? You do not have to pay them when you sign up, you just sign up. I did it when I registered for college, both at the big university I was accepted to, and then at the local community college that I actually ended up going to. No counselor stopped me. I bet you could go ahead and do it, and then see the counselor. If for some reason they don't let you sign up, no big deal. If they do, and the counselor says something, you can just say you didn't know.
bluntdelivery said…
whatever. this is why i gave up on college altogether. its a giant scam to get money. unless of course, you're pursuing a program like nursing or law where they force you to get a degree, it is completely useless.

AHHH, blood pressure rising.
Finola said…
Hey! Congratulations on going back to school. There are many days that I wish that I could start over, and you are actually doing it, and I really admire you for that.
Now, since I'm new here, I need to figure out who Mr. Handsome is....
WarsawMommy said…
Oh, man. I hate stupid rules, and yet - for some unfathomable reason - I have chosen to live in a post-Communist country, where there are NOTHING BUT stupid rules. Bureaucracy, red tape, paperwork, reuirements that make no sense whatsoever, policies and procedures adopted from Russia - welcome to my life. Gah!

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